Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I am so sick and tired of my big sisters recovery.
Maybe that makes me a bad person.
I just can't handle the woe is me anymore. The constant comments about how she is so brave but she's crying inside. The Facebook posts about how she is done with it all and wants to go away. The fact that she uses her addiction as a crutch for EVERYTHING. She has been clean for about two years now....there was about three one use relapses. But she can't work due to her addiction, she cant move out of our moms due to her addiction, she can't leave the house ever because of her addiction. She can't function because of her addiction.
Now I get it, there is a long road to recovery. But she goes to the mandatory meetings with her AADAC worker and she goes to NA. But she does nothing else above and beyond to help herself.
She lazes around wallowing in self pity and using her addiction as an excuse why she can't go anywhere in life. There are plenty of people out there with addictions that they can control and they make something of themselves.
I feel horrible even typing this. But I need to vent to someone! I can't support her recovery aymore ,its mentally and physically draining me.
She texts me constantly asking to see my daughter but she is never willing to leave the house and come over....she always expects me to bring her over there....and if I don't, because I'm busy or something, then she goes on rants about how she never sees her and it's my fault.
She is obviously depressed and she is bipolar. But she refuses to go see anyone because they wont give her the 'good stuff' because of her past. She fell and quite likely cracked her tail bone and wouldn't go to the doc because they wont give her pills with an addictive quality. Thats her OWN fault!
I get so tired of being expected to coddle her, and to tell her it will be all right. Because you know what? It won't be. Because she refuses to help herself and I'm only one person. I can't cure all her issues and deal with my own.
GAH! I know I'm probably way off base with alot of what I typed...but thanks for reading and allowing me to vent anyways.
Maybe that makes me a bad person.
I just can't handle the woe is me anymore. The constant comments about how she is so brave but she's crying inside. The Facebook posts about how she is done with it all and wants to go away. The fact that she uses her addiction as a crutch for EVERYTHING. She has been clean for about two years now....there was about three one use relapses. But she can't work due to her addiction, she cant move out of our moms due to her addiction, she can't leave the house ever because of her addiction. She can't function because of her addiction.
Now I get it, there is a long road to recovery. But she goes to the mandatory meetings with her AADAC worker and she goes to NA. But she does nothing else above and beyond to help herself.
She lazes around wallowing in self pity and using her addiction as an excuse why she can't go anywhere in life. There are plenty of people out there with addictions that they can control and they make something of themselves.
I feel horrible even typing this. But I need to vent to someone! I can't support her recovery aymore ,its mentally and physically draining me.
She texts me constantly asking to see my daughter but she is never willing to leave the house and come over....she always expects me to bring her over there....and if I don't, because I'm busy or something, then she goes on rants about how she never sees her and it's my fault.
She is obviously depressed and she is bipolar. But she refuses to go see anyone because they wont give her the 'good stuff' because of her past. She fell and quite likely cracked her tail bone and wouldn't go to the doc because they wont give her pills with an addictive quality. Thats her OWN fault!
I get so tired of being expected to coddle her, and to tell her it will be all right. Because you know what? It won't be. Because she refuses to help herself and I'm only one person. I can't cure all her issues and deal with my own.
GAH! I know I'm probably way off base with alot of what I typed...but thanks for reading and allowing me to vent anyways.
I agree that it is a physically and emotionally draining life. And then to make matters even worse, our co dependent guilt kicks in and forces us to feel guilty about losing our patience with the big mess.
I am giving up guilt for Lent.
I am never giving up ranting.
We are here to listen.
for instance,, your sister wants to see her daughter so bad,,, then she should beable to come to see her daughter,,, by always dropping, and stopping, and running over to her,,, she basically has controll over you,,,,, stop coddling her, unless someone is pointing a gun to your head and making you coddle,, it's your choice how to react..
of course the addict, will have the poor me attitiude has long has they are getting the reaction they want,,instead of giving into that,,, simple say,,, "sorry you feel that way,,, perhaps getting off the "treadmill" of your life, would change that,,,,, simple unplugg that, get off, put your big girl pants on,, and move forward,,, I am alwasys telling my addicit,(daughter) that it's not about the storm,, but the ablity to dance in the rain,,,,, instead of looking where you should be,, focus on where you can be,,,,,,
dont give into her woes,,,and continue to be held hostage,,, being consistent changes the will of your surroundings,,,,, tell her to talk to a tree about her poor me talk,,,,,
remain patient,,, be positive,,for yourself!!
My son is almost 4 years sober....and after the first year he said "when I was a drunk, I was an asshole....and now that I am sober, I can still be an asshole"
and he was right.
everyone has their own flaws. we don't have to like every thing about anyone we love.
Now onto your rights....set your boundaries...make them clear, get your own life under control and stop feeling guilty. If she rants, say "got to go" and hang up (I did it with my daughter, at college age, whenever she got nasty- and it stopped after only a few times)
We train people how we want to be treated. Demand better treatment, you deserve it...and if she is angry or sad or unhappy about whatever, that is her journey, not yours.
I have to say that I did get tired of driving 8 hours to see my son and have to plan everything around his meetings...but I would never change it for a moment, because he would be dead by now without it...so, I have learned to be more flexable and focus on what is the most important.
And lastly, if she is this much of a misery in her recovery? she is only sober, not recovering.