Dear Given. I respect you're decision however I just want you to know I will miss you and I think you bring a lot to the table . I absolutely agree with you that when we first find ourselves in the storm of addiction we are naive and delicate but we do change overtime it's inevitable . Your sentence " Looking back now I'm grateful for them and owe them a great deal " you are grateful that you learned from them and I am grateful for the wonderful people on this site that I have learned so much from . I don't really know what led to your decision to leave here but I wish you would reconsider . Someone like you that has been through this for so long has a lot to offer to newcomers on how to survive this tough road we find ourselves on . Again if it's too much for you and you just don't want to do it I respect that you don't owe anyone here anything just wanted you to know I appreciate your input . Good luck with everything . Dee

Thank you Dee. I feel that what I've been thru has definitely taught me how to make really hard decisions.

I have a great deal of compassion for those who have stood in these shoes. I wish I were the only one. I feel because of my experiences I give hard advice. Not because I want to hurt anyone's feelings. The sad reality is addiction is no joke. It's a serious epidemic that we are all faced with here.

In the last few responses I've given I found myself being tough on a couple of mothers who were struggling with their spouses or boyfriends. Being someone who married an addict and made excuse after excuse for his behaviors and addiction hits me hard. What my staying with him or even marrying him for that matter destroyed my children from what they lived thru. Of course in hindsight I wish I handled it different and left never looking back. I guess I'm hard because I'm trying to show the reality of what this does to a family.

I know we all have to walk this crappy path of our own. Learn the hard way. With me being hard on them it's really my way of trying to save them and make them see what life will look like in 20 years.

I know this site is all about support. I know I can't change who I am. I can't unlearn what I know. What good am I to someone if I don't be myself. And I'm not sure if this is what this site wants from someone like me.

If I'm wrong tell me and I'll stay. But not for one second should someone think I'm not here with any intention other then to help and give back what I've have learned.

I too wish you would reconsider. while we may have differing opinions on what causes addiction etc....we are all struggling moms who NEED each other on this site. and we need you and your opinion. I think we are all mature enough on here to agree to disagree sometimes. don't leave just because someone has differing opinions. stick with us PLEASE!

We don't always agree with each other but as long as we are respectful to each other I think that's really all that matters in my opinion hope you stay . Dee

The differing of opinions doesn't bother me at all. Like I said I was concerned about being maybe to hard in my approach. All I can say is the soft approach from anyone I've ever worked with never helped me or any addict I know.

And of course I will stay as long as someone doesn't feel its purposeful. It's because I've been thru this to long and unfortunately got an education in something I wish I never had to.

PS the truth is to me it doesn't matter what causes addiction. What matters to be is dealing with it because it's there.

Please reconsider I have learned a lot from you and respect your opinion. We may not all agree all the time but we are here for one reason, to support each other. Sometimes it may seem that one of us comes across to strong but like you said sometimes it's hard to hear. It has taken me almost 10 years of battling my daughters addiction that has made me as strong as I am today. I know in the beginning years I never wanted to believe the truth so I looked the other way but with the help and support of this group I have really come a long way.
Hugs,
Pat

Please stay! Nothing about addiction comes naturally to a mother. We must learn from others what is the right course of action and how to get our lives back to some sense of normalcy. No one wants to hear that their loved one may never recover but they NEED to hear that. No one wants to hear that they play a role in their loved one's addiction but they NEED to hear that. There is nothing kind about addiction but without support from each other, we go down a path blindfolded! From this site I heard about the book, Don't Let Your Kids Kill You. That book says it all! As every doctor knows, you can't help EVERYONE but if you've helped someone, isn't that worth it? You've helped me! You've helped others and your tough love approach is more beneficial than just a few "I'm sorrys" because if we deal with addiction correctly, we will have a better life. Not perfect but a life worth living which I didn't believe was possible until recently. We've got your back Given! Don't leave us. xoxo

I have learned a lot from you too, I hope you do reconsider. You know your intentions, and so does everyone trying to survive this ugly monkey. Your intentions are not malicious, if anything I have much respect for you that you tell it, like it is, and it is a grim reality. I'd rather know the truth, and prepare myself for what may happen to me and my family.

Your insight, even though you may not think so, has helped someone who really needed it at the right time. You have a purpose here, you have a story to tell. We are teachers to one another, not everyone has the same insight, but just because we don't, doesn't mean we are not living the same grief of some sort.

Thank you for being here, and hope to see you around for a long time. (((hugs))))

Thank you. I am overwhelmed. Ok I'm staying Mend...you were one of those I thought I was really hard on. I glad you see it was not to hurt you.

This was a difficult week having my sons roommate pass. That's the hard reality.

I know that life has only gotten significantly better with the knowledge I've gotten from those I didn't want to hear but finally did. I pray my family will continue on the recovery.

The son using for 21 years is has finally put himself into treatment without a mandate. And the other is seriously working his recovery now and clean since July 3. Wish I listened years ago.

Love you all. Thank you for all your kndness xoxo

YEAH !!!

maybe you just need to take a break. I would love an update on your family from time to time.

I too, have thought about stepping back from time to time...I just hate to see newbies have to re invent the wheel...when some of us have already driven the wheels off the car.

whatever you decide, I wish you well.

those of us who have been on this journey for some time, are very passionate about certain aspects of addiction. As we have all seen there are many schools of thought, there are many conduits to recovery, there is tremendous pain, and anguish, but the one thing I believe we can all agree on is we came here, because we where all desperate for answers, guidance and help. It is not our place to be tough on each other we have been beaten down enough, we all learn at our own pace, and like the addicts we love do not listen to what we say until they are ready. Sometimes we do need to step away because addiction can consume us.

Dmatt I don't believe I beat anyone down. That isn't my nature. There's a difference between being hard on someone who has small children involved in the addiction world VS beating someone down.

I agree about the guidance and support. I do believe that at times we need to see the reality of the situation. Children cannot take a stand for themselves and when we love our spouses or BF/gf's it's hard to step back and see what this can do to them.

I guess my style isn't that of coddling after almost losing two sons that had to be revived. My point was that if those struggling with what to do was about getting just a hug then that's great. However that's not all that's going to save them.

We are all different.
We all have had different experiences - our child, spouse, parent, family member or friend who are the addict.
We all have incredible insight to bring to the table.
We are all here for help, support and to make friends whom we will likely never meet in person.
But to know there is someone out there in the world who is going thru the same thing you're going thru is so comforting.
I think we need everyone's different opinions, thoughts, & comments.