addicts will deny, act like we are irrational, lie, ..IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and you are not overreacting. they try to blame everyone else. I think leaving him might get him to 1. acknowledge he has a problem 2. get help. As long as you are letting him stay with you in this lifestyle he has no reason to quit. you didn't cause it and you can't control him.
welcome to our group :) the reason you came to this group is not fun for any one us but this group has been a life line for me personally and you will find lots of support here. Good luck :)

If addiction is new to you, the big things to know are (1) it's not your fault and (2) part of being an addict is blaming the people around you. Regarding that second one, addicts smoke to escape bad feelings. But they still feel bad and since they (most often) aren't going to stop using, they can feel better if they can mentally bring you down to their level. So what I'm saying is that you aren't irrational or childish to be upset and concerned for your kids. And it's not unreasonable to expect a fiance to stop using even if they won't. Living with addiction is not at all easy. You can detach yourself from things, you can look out for yourself, etc. but those are basically coping mechanisms - they don't stop the addiction or financial and other problems that come with living with an addict. They just make it more bearable.

The trust issues also come as a package deal with addiction. Whether you blame the person or the addiction, the problem is still the same... To get drugs or alcohol and use them, you have to lie to your spouse about money, where you are, and who you are with. As long as the drugs are in control, that broken trust stuff will continue.

It's not hopeless. There are things you can do to cope. Some people do get into recovery and stop using. But it's not easy, either, and you do get to a point where you have to decide how long you will wait for them to recover.

He will admit he has an addiction (he is also an alcoholic) but he refuses to seek any help. He actually had stopped using for a short time and he was a huge jerk to the point I could barely stand him! He started again shortly after he claims to like the feeling..I have no idea I've never had an addiction of the sort (I smoke cigarettes, no drugs or alcohol for me) I really do want to just leave but he just bought a house large enough for us all and we just go moved in. Apparently he met someone in our neighborhood that has easy access to the stuff and hopefully not for much longer. Last night during the episode I made an anonymous call.. just hope he isn't there if anything happens!
I'm just so worried about his 4 yr old that will be left with a drunken high dad if I leave :'(

This isnt your fault. Youre not crazy. Youre not childish or irrational. You have EVERY reason not to trust him. Hes pissed because youre standing between him and his drugs. So hell throw anything hurtful at you that he can because hes pissed.

Im 30 yrs old, mother to our 6 yr old son and stepmom to my husbands 9 yr old daughter. Its a hell of a lot of pressure to be trying to hold it all together with kids, pretending all is well and faking a smile, when in reality, youre entire world is crashing around you.

Do you have any support system? Or are you keeping this one big secret?

Dont keep it a secret. I did for 3 yrs. Nobody knew my husband was addicted to pills. My best friend did and that was it. I kept all that pressure, all the fears, all the worrying, all the fights, all the unknowns and all the missing money.I kept that in. It was eating me inside because I had nobody to share it with. Thats when I found DS and Im forever grateful to have people who get it. But my husband just relapsed and is on day 2 of no drugs. This relapse I saw changes in myself.Im stronger because of this site and because of the knowledge I have gained from those around me. You learn as you go. You get stronger every day. Some days are better than others.

Please use the people on this site. Theyre great people who have been through a lot and have great wisdom to share.

Thank you for all your support. Like you tryinghardx3 I have nobody in my personal life to lean on or even talk to. I suffer from someone much more than just this and it's so painful to bottle everything up but that's what I have to do to the point of just bawling my eyes out.

When I first read this my first thought was, "Are you sure he is only smoking marijuana?" People do not usually go to drug house to only smoke pot. They go buy the pot and smoke it at home or in the car or many places but seldom sit at drug house and only smoke pot.
A marriage cannot survive when there is no trust.

We addicts blame everyone except ourselves for our addiction. He probably isn't going to change until he excepts his responsibilty as a parent and gets help for his addiction.

The people here are great. Learn from them.

God Bless

Praying for you and your family. Do you have a support group? I know that Al-anon has really helped me out over the last year. Remember to put yourself and your children first..you have to do what is best for you and them. Blessings!