Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Being clean isn't going to happen overnight its a lifetime of trying for some.
Thats why in AA they have one chips and some have many one day chips but at least they are trying. Being and staying clean can take years with times of using growing less and less. Everyone is different.
The thing is you can love the addict just not the addiction. Instead of wondering is she or isn't she clean learn ways of detaching and enabling.
Her behaviour will stay the same until she learns how to behave "normal" again. She will achieve this by attending meetings & working the 12 steps, it will also take alot of time for you to trust her again, that is up to her to gain your trust.
The brain has been chemically altered. And many in effect remain a dry-drunk. no booze - same behavior.
Whether or when you trust her is up to you. Just remember, you cannot control, cause or cure her behavior or her addiction - all we can control is ourselves.
Hugs.
she skips out on her probation meetings for weeks, then goes and turns herself in to the cops claiming she wasnt hiding, because if she was she wouldn't turn herself in. and each and everytime they buy it and let her go!
her behavior hasnt really changed. when i see her she hasnt been high, however i see her alot less then i used to because it got to the point where i couldnt handle her.
i just dont think that she has changed, and i catch so much flak from the people around me for not putting all this blind faith in my sister. someone actually told me that if i dont stand behind her then im setting her up to fail, and when she gets busted high then she will blame me. she does almost every relapse...because i dont 'support' her.
i cant do it anymore, just believe what she says and give her all my faith.
i sure wish there was a book somewhere that told me when she was clean for certain!
Just don't tell her your going to do it because they have to much stuff they can take to hide it now.
It may not be the best answer for you but short of that learning to trust is very hard but Actions speak louder then words with everyone but especially addicts!
Or walk away as Brotherroy said.sometimes it is easier then being so upset like you are all the time.
Maybe if she wants back in your life it should be attending a meeting together such as AA so you can work through the twelve steps together ( bonding and healing), or to maybe get some family counseling for the two when you want to recreate that trust. Something that will benefit both of you not just her. You don't want a codependent relationship with your sister that causes you to put yourself last. Nothing about her addiction whether she is dry right now or not is your fault. Everything surrounding her addiction is out of everyones control, the only person you can control is yourself.
It is important to set up boundries in any relationship.