Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
So, here we are. He's 23. He decides, yet again, that he is going back to 'school'. He signs up, his 1st day was yesterday all seemed okay, he got an Ipad for school, so excited. He stayed in last night....it's now the time he SHOULD be going out the door, instead, he is in the shower. I've had to go down to wake him up 3 times now. And he acts as if I'M the one that is bothering HIM.....really? So it's OKAY to be late? I've been up for 2 hours, I get up early EVERY morning, even on my days off. To have my coffee, watch the news, get caught up on my FB page.....I HAVE my routine. No matter HOW many times I tell him how important a 'routine' is, he agrees but never listens.
I'm starting to wonder if there isn't something mentally wrong with this kid. He talks intelligently. He acts as if he understand EVERYTHING you say he should be doing, or when he asks for guidance, you give it and he doesn't pay attention or do what he has asked the advice for. I just don't GET IT!
I was brought back to when he was 15 and a pain in the ass to get up in the a.m.
So, what he will begin to understand is this: You get up with your OWN alarm clock or you will be late. I will NOT wake you up every a.m. If you do NOT go to school, get good grades, get a part time job to take up the rest of your time and put money in your own pocket, here's the deal MOVE OUT! I will NOT live his life for him anymore, I will NOT be the alarm clock or the sandwich maker or the breakfast maker. Get yourself up out of bed in time to make your OWN lunch, your OWN breakfast and get yourself out the door.
So, I will be on a MUCH needed vacation as of Sat. I REFUSE to live my vacation making sure he is doing what he, an adult, should be doing.
What do I have to do to make him understand BEING ON TIME IS A MUST no matter WHAT you are doing! If you tell a friend 15 min., make it 15 min. If you are supposed to be in your seat in class at 7:45am, then you need to get there by 7:30am to get settled in.
I'm just so frustrated with his disregard for MY LIFE. I just WANT MY LIFE BACK AGAIN. Not living 'his life' or making sure he is doing what he should be doing.
I just don't get how this kid can have SO much at his fingertips and not give a damn.
I worked 7 days in a row last week, I am ALWAYS at the LEAST 5 min. early for my shift. I am ALWAYS up at the same time everyday, even if I go to sleep at 1am, I'm up at 4:30am....my hubby is the SAME WAY! WHERE does this kid GET these habits....
Just tired of it all. I feel the wave coming, it's cresting, it's just a matter of time before it comes crashing on the shore. And when it does, it will be me taking my life back, brushing my hands of the sand and moving onto the shoreline.
Thanks for reading, just venting it out before I become a volcano v.s. the wave cresting. ;O).....
I'm starting to wonder if there isn't something mentally wrong with this kid. He talks intelligently. He acts as if he understand EVERYTHING you say he should be doing, or when he asks for guidance, you give it and he doesn't pay attention or do what he has asked the advice for. I just don't GET IT!
I was brought back to when he was 15 and a pain in the ass to get up in the a.m.
So, what he will begin to understand is this: You get up with your OWN alarm clock or you will be late. I will NOT wake you up every a.m. If you do NOT go to school, get good grades, get a part time job to take up the rest of your time and put money in your own pocket, here's the deal MOVE OUT! I will NOT live his life for him anymore, I will NOT be the alarm clock or the sandwich maker or the breakfast maker. Get yourself up out of bed in time to make your OWN lunch, your OWN breakfast and get yourself out the door.
So, I will be on a MUCH needed vacation as of Sat. I REFUSE to live my vacation making sure he is doing what he, an adult, should be doing.
What do I have to do to make him understand BEING ON TIME IS A MUST no matter WHAT you are doing! If you tell a friend 15 min., make it 15 min. If you are supposed to be in your seat in class at 7:45am, then you need to get there by 7:30am to get settled in.
I'm just so frustrated with his disregard for MY LIFE. I just WANT MY LIFE BACK AGAIN. Not living 'his life' or making sure he is doing what he should be doing.
I just don't get how this kid can have SO much at his fingertips and not give a damn.
I worked 7 days in a row last week, I am ALWAYS at the LEAST 5 min. early for my shift. I am ALWAYS up at the same time everyday, even if I go to sleep at 1am, I'm up at 4:30am....my hubby is the SAME WAY! WHERE does this kid GET these habits....
Just tired of it all. I feel the wave coming, it's cresting, it's just a matter of time before it comes crashing on the shore. And when it does, it will be me taking my life back, brushing my hands of the sand and moving onto the shoreline.
Thanks for reading, just venting it out before I become a volcano v.s. the wave cresting. ;O).....
You'll be doing him a great favour by letting him deal with his shortcomings.
"Fail forward to success"
Have a wonderful vacation.
I bought a house and had my first child by the time I was 20,,, my parents extremely loving,, I'm fortunate had a great childhood,, but they would help me out,,, but they use to say,,, you made your bed,,, you lay in it,,, or if mike and I would fight,, I would go running to my parents ,, they would say,,, you can stay for dinner,, but your going home to your husband,,, and making up before that sun goes down,,
Sorry if I rambling,,, but hopin this post made me chuckle,,,,
There sometimes I have to stop myself,,, from saying things like,, dud you brush your teeth,,, and then I have Ava,,, telling the big kids,,, g-mama does not have to tell me to do things,,, I just to them,,, you should see their faces,,,, cracks me up!!!
I was always dumbfounded that my son didn't care if his homework was done, or if his assignments were well-written. He'd do just the bare minimum to get by, and was always late. Having grown up believing that we should do all things to the best of our ability, I tried to raise my son with those values. Well, it doesn't always work out that way.
I don't have any words of wisdom to add, except that you have a lot of company here. I look at my son at 28 now, living with his girlfriend and "looking for work" by sleeping in and checking Craigslist on his computer. We didn't cause them to become this way, and we can't control or fix them. We can set clear boundaries, though, and be kind to ourselves. So enjoy your vacation; you've earned it!!
Cindy
I don't know who these 'women libbers' where, but I'm sure wanting to meet them just to say THANKS for screwing it all up! LOL...seriously I KNOW I'll get dumped on for saying it, but we HAD our full time jobs, mother, wife, housekeeper....now for those wonderful women who thought we needed to be 'equals', well, SHAME on them! MEN can't hold a CANDLE to how a woman can keep the house running, kids on time and on the right path and give birth.....so for those women who felt the need to DOUBLE our work, THANKS ALOT! It has left our kids home alone more and not tended to like they use to be, and our time is slim between a full time job outside the house and a full time job IN the house....
Just my honest opinion.
I don,t know what. Between them and good old Dr. Spock and his inane theories on raising children; we are all reaping the consequences of heartache and disappointment through this generation and the ones to follow.
they may have done some good on some things but it was gone about in the wrong way!! We are now stuck with millions of men who remain boys! I resent these culture changers.
Cindy
I do not think woman libbers are to blame without them we would be making even less per hour then we do now for doing the same job. We would all be bare foot and pregnant sitting at home waiting for the man of of the house to come home, with the meal waiting on the table for him. I am so glad I do not have to do that! The problem started when as parents we did not set boundaries and stick to them, we let our kids do whatever and have almost anything they asked for. We played into the capitalism of wanting this and that new thing. Instead of doing like our grandparents, you don't buy it until you have the money for it and by then you longer want it. They had one or two sofa's in their life time, I see people having 5 or more new sofa's because most furniture is what I call, Throw away furniture" such as Ashleys furniture. Our society has changed and not all is for the best.
He did fine up until the time we bought a house, and he got into high school and seemed to gravitate to those who 'needed fixing', the kids he felt 'needed a friend'. In freshman year is when it went downhill from there......he was forever grounded, no tv in his room, no stereo, no cell phone until he was in the Navy.....
I never tried to 'make up' for him not having his father around, and I never got child support to help with any of the bills. So it was my income alone.
So, it is not like he had a mother that was giving him 'things' or tossing him to the tv or the game console. The atari we played together actually, I got REALLY good at Jaws LOL....