It's not inappropriate - it's ok to ask for help with an intimate matter. We all have a sexual self and that's normal and healthy. In my opinion, a lot of problems are caused by being secretive or excessively modest about sex.

I don't know what to suggest, because I would leave my husband if he was doing things that put me at risk.

But since you decide to stay, then my advice is don't risk getting an STD. No amount of sexual frustration is worth that.

If your husband is using, then he is only thinking of himself and will be selfish in all things. Sex with a selfish person is not fun. We all deserve better than that. If you fear rejection from him, doesn't that tell you something?

So your options are celibacy, sexual activity on our own, sexual activity outside the marriage, or leaving him. You do have the option of sexual activity with him, which I've covered off above.

Your sexual desire is normal and natural, and you have the right to be a sexual being. You have the responsibility to arrange your life in a way that you can fully be yourself and experience your sexual self. If you have chosen to stay with someone who puts you at physical and emotional risk, then this may be an area of life that you trade off to stay with him.

I don't know what drug your husband is on, but when my sister was on crack she wouldn't bathe for days, and I never knew where she had been. I wouldn't let her touch me, and when my daughter was born I wouldn't allow her to touch my daughter. I had no idea what was on her skin.

I would sort of imagine that would be how I would feel with an addict sexually. You really don't know where it's been....addicts don't do rational things, and they don't have rational behaviours.

Holdontohope did have good points. If you won't leave him, and you won't step outside the marriage, then I think doing it yourself may be your best choice.

An addict takes and takes and takes. And he will take you sexually as well, and most likely leave you upset and feeling more used then you did before.

It depends, I would guess, on the drug he uses. Also, would he be willing to get a drug test? I completely understand still feeling desire for your man even though he has an addiction. I am completely in love with my bf and desire him although he is addicted to crack.

Could you discuss this with your husband? Whatever you decide..good luck!

I know some people are going to disagree with me -but here goes.
Just like he addicted to drugs- you are in a sense addicted to him. In society we call it love, but the brain chemical reaction is the same. either way, call it what you may - it may not be in your best interest. Just like using drugs is not in his best interest. If he is actively using, you have every right to be concerned. If you can speak candidly with him - just be blunt tell him you are horny and want sex - but not outside the marriage. Make him use a condom - unprotected sex is not a good idea anyway AND having a child with an addict is not a good idea. In time, you will decide what is in your best interest and what you really need to make you happy. What every you do, be safe.
Hugs!!!

When I was with my AH he did fool around for a short period about 6 yrs in and I made him take a aids test plus use condoms until we knew. Also AH sex drive wasn't there alot of the time. He was too busy in his head either recovering from using crack, or depressed, or trying to figure a way to get some money to do crack.
I once read a book Love Addiction when I was married to my first husband. He was abusive yet it took me 17 yrs to leave. I stayed for many reasons, scared to be on my own when I live 1300 miles from any family members, or scared how I was going to make it with four kids. Was I addicted I don't know. For my second husband I have noticed if I hear his voice it upsets me, it triggers a sadness of what I will never have with him. Its a grieving process.
I do know that until you look at your AH addiction and decide although you love him you want something more, other wise you will stay in this constance cycle of termoil. When you decide to get off the merri-go-round.

I would add that using a condom is better than not using a condom, but it still doesn't fully reduce the risk of some STDs. Some of them are spread just by skin to skin contact with no need for bodily fluids to be exchanged. The only way to have truly safe sex is to abstain. Oral sex or kissing can spread some infectious diseases other than STDs, such as hepatitis and mononucleosis.

An HIV test only tells you whether they were exposed to the virus earlier than 3 months before they had the test. (This is what I was told a few years ago - it might have changed since then, I don't know). I had a test after having unprotected sex - it was so stressful waiting to hear, but I was ok.

You say it's just not happening. I gather that he does not appear to be "interested". And contrary to popular belief, most addicts aren't in the mood when they are high. (Got that information from a group of recovering addicts). But if you still want that intimate relationship from your husband, when he's not using (at the moment) and seems somewhat lucid, talk to him. Tell him how you feel. What have you got to lose? And I do understand not wanting to initiate as you don't want to feel rejected. What is worse than being turned down by an addict??

I guess it's natural to fear rejection when initiating sex, particularly when there are other issues in the relationship. I've noticed that often it's the partner with the higher sex drive who can feel rejected - simply because they are more likely to be the initiator. Often I'm in this situation, and I feel sad and disappointed that he doesn't want it as much as I do, but I don;t usually feel rejected. In our case, it's health problems, stress and tiredness that get in the way of a busy sex life, so I know it's not that he's not into me, he just needs his sleep.