Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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how do i understand my husbands addiction and issu

witsendwife
witsendwife

I am new to this, and dont know exactly where to start.


I am married to a functioning alcoholic, who since his father passed away has deteriorated in his attitude towards our kids and I. He has pushed all his friends away and is constantly up and down with mood swings.



I want to support him but how the hell do I do that when I cant trust anything he says.. I dont want to leave him but I am nearing the end of my rope here.



what do I do


AnxietyFreak40
AnxietyFreak40
Have you ever been to alanon? I too love with a functioning alcoholic and I actually learned a lot about handling it from them. Hugs.
witsendwife
witsendwife
Thank you I will definitely look into it... Xoxoxo
dontwannafeelthisway
dontwannafeelthisway
Going thru the EXACT same thing! FIL passed 8/2016 and I have just caught him hiding and drinking liquor and abusing his rx meds... I'm devastated. I've been curled up in bed since 3/3/17 just crying.. and of course it's all been my fault but I don't drink and keep my meds under lock and key!! I'm calling for an appointment in the morning but I'm not convinced he'll go or stick to it.. his brother died 3/15 of alcoholism and we just had to rescue his alcoholic mother from another state... since accidentally catching him, I've just become numb.. and now on Sunday it's back to being my fault.. wow! Talk about a blow to the heart!! I'm beyond hurt.
bluesprite72
bluesprite72
It sure can do a number on their brains and how they "function", if you can call it that. Set limits on what you will allow from him. If he wants to be drunk around you guys all the time, then don't engage in conversation or activities while he is in this state. Leave him to be drunk by himself. If he wants to be disrespectful and mean, treat him as if he was one of the kids and they treated you that way. Say that he is being disrespectful and you will not tolerate it. Learn how to detach from his drinking issues and how he is when he is drunk around you guys. I used to ignore him when he would be drunk, only barely talking to him about surface, shallow stuff. When he would ask why I was treating him that way, I said that I cannot talk to or want to be around him when I know he has been drinking.

dontwannafeelthisway: It is hard when you are in a relationship like that. My AH has a family history of alcoholism on both sides of his family, plus, he was already one when I met him, but sadly didn't realize it until we had been married. They always push the blame on someone else for their drinking because they don't want to face that it is their problem, because they cannot face what they don't want to change. I know the numbness all too well. I have gone through it on numerous occasions over the years. It never was and never will be your fault for his choices that he makes in life. You cannot change him or his drinking. All you can do is focus on changing you and how you handle the situation. Don't engage in arguments and don't get defensive, it will only fuel the fire. Love yourself and seek therapy to help you through this time and to better understand what you are living with. My best wishes to you all.