Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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High Functioning Alcoholic

BoyMom13
BoyMom13

Another long, sleepless night.


I'm new to this group. But after another episode with my husband I know I needed to find some kind of support. In the last month or so I am just coming to the realization that my husband is a HFA. It's been extremely hard for me to accept. We're only 23, so very young for this to be an issue. We were high school sweethearts, had our son at 19 (not planned) but have had nothing but support from both sides of family. Husband finished college with 2 degrees and works an awesome job to support us. Aside from some relationship struggles we had the year before our wedding (that we got through together) we've had a pretty great relationship. The drinking didn't start getting bad until this last year. It went from a six pack a couple nights a week, to a twelve pack 3-4 nights a week, to 16+ beers A NIGHT and me waking up to him passed out on the couch with empty beer bottles all over. At first, I just laughed it off because he comes from a family of beer drinkers who LOVE their beer, and didn't really think much of it. He claimed he just liked to get a buzz because it helped him sleep good after a long day at work. Looking back, that should've been my first "oh shit" moment. Fast forward to now- it has gotten miserably out of control. I finally confronted him about being a HFA and surprisingly- he admitted he knew he had a problem. But immediately threw around a million excuses to why he shouldn't have to stop drinking and why he can't stop, blah blah blah. Finally I told him he either needed to cut it down or leave. So he cut back significantly in the last month, but now if he goes more than 2-3 days without a beer he is absolutely UNBEARABLE to be around. Crabby, irritable, wrapped up in his own emotions. His temper flies off the handle at the smallest things. He has no interest in talking to me about my day, how I'm feeling, ect. It's basically like he doesn't exist without beer. Last night he went out and we agreed that he wasn't going to go overboard... well... of course he did. He showed up piss face drunk at 3 AM and we got into the biggest fight we've gotten into in a long time. He always turns it around on me- that I think I'm so "perfect" and that I just like to make him feel like a failure and a piece of shit and that he's never good enough for me- crap like that. I LOVE this man. With my WHOLE heart. How do I help him? And I mean really help him? 

Britt_M
Britt_M
I'm new to this whole chat room situation, but I know exactly how you feel, add is exactly why I joined, in search of someone to talk to desperately. I'm 27 and husband 33, 2 kids one just started school this week, husband a raging alcoholic starts drinking at 6 AM can't keep a job, try's to demand me to do everything, can't talk to him, try's to force me into "situations" (if you know what I mean) that I don't want to do because he's drunk, yells screams 24/7 and can't function without a beer into him by 8AM. Punches windows if I'm in the car, holes in walls, and refuses to go meetings or detox cause "he will stop when he's ready" it's not my problem it doesn't affect me so he says. I dunno what to do anymore :(
emily071891
emily071891
I don't have a husband or significant other with an alcohol problem; however, I have a severe alcohol addiction that I've been battling for about 3 years now. In my eyes, you both are in a terrible situation that you, alone, cannot fix. You cannot force your husband to quit drinking, but you can help him make the decision. If suggesting meetings doesn't work, go and buy an AA Big Book (the basic text for Alcoholics Anonymous) and have him read the section called "To Wives". Theres a few stories in there that are all from real people who have gone through something you are going through. And if he doesn't want to read it, then thats on him. But, you need to read. I think that will give you light in this situation and really help you. I would also suggest looking up any Al-Anon meetings in your area. My family has gone to a few because of me and they have said it has helped them tremendously. Al-Anon is for family members/friends that are close with someone with an alcohol addiction.

I really hope this helps and I will be praying for both of you. Best of luck and of course...pray about it.
DDixon24
DDixon24
I wish I could tell you something that would help. I have been with my husband 15 years (married 12). While my hubby doesn’t drink all the time he definitely goes in spurts. He is never physically abusive but he is annoying and not like himself and likes to pick fights. Plus we have two children and he can say things to them that are upsetting especially to my oldest that is sensitive. He basically does not have an off switch, where most people will drink get buzzed or even a little drunk and then stop or pass out but he just keeps going. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells and when we go to do something fun it’s like I can’t relax because I am on edge not knowing what he is going to do. It is not a great feeling and unfortunately so far it hasn’t gotten better. He actually doesn’t even apologize to me anymore. Actually he throws back to me that he didn’t do anything wrong and turns it tonhow he works hard (which he does) and does everything and I am just a jerk etc. my best advice is before you have kids think about if this is the life you want for them. I know I now weigh whether staying or leaving is more beneficial for my kids and it is terrible to say that if the drinking is still an issue 5 years from now when the kids are older and some of our bills are paid that I won’t put up with it anymore, which is too bad Because when he isn’t drinking he is great (if not a little miserable at times!).