Best way to cope with your feelings is to talk about them. FInd healthy outlets to express your anxiety, pain and sadness. Be open about how you feel. Having a loved one with addiction is just as hard on the people who love them. We torment ourselves with what ifs and guilty that maybe we didn't do all we could have. The reality is, we are not the addict and the addict must want and work to be sober. I recommend joing a support group...maybe one where you can speak with other people face to face. I am sorry you have to go through this. Keep your chin up!

Totally agree with Elliepp - you've gotta talk about it. Surround yourself with people who support your process and what you're trying to achieve. Don't keep company with those who try to invalidate your feelings of sadness, anxiety, despair, etc. Take this time to really think about the life you want vs. the life you have right now. Keep your head up and know that you are not alone.

Best advice give you,,, is take care of yourself ,, take this time to recover all your anger, get yourself involved in a local na program, so you can physically surround yourself with others that are going through the same,,, release relax recharge,, this is his recovery,, don't interfere with it,,, so my love put your big girl pants on, some lipstick,, and instead of focusing on how alone you will be with him gone,, celebrate that he choose to get help,,, one thing for sure he does not need is a partner feeling sorry for herself,,, stand up be strong,,, shine,,, take up tap dancing, yoga,, run you anxiety off,,,
Keep in mind,, just because they go to rehap,, does not make them clean,, to recover is to work a program after they leave the comforts of that building,,,,

It's not about the storm,,, but the ability to dance in the rain,,, so girl shake what your momma gave you!'

I've been going to alanon the past few weeks and have really found it helpful. It teaches you to care for you and your well being. They have meetings all over and each one has it's own "flavor". If you don't feel a particular meeting is a good fit, check out others until you find one tat does.

I think getting support from others through groups and friends and family is number one so that you don't feel alone and use this time to focus on you and heal from all the pain that goes along with loving someone with a addiction and what they put you through. Good luck
and prays to you and your boyfriend.

Take care of yourself and recharge was the best advice folks on this site gave me. I'm eternally grateful for it and darn fortunate I had sense enough to follow it!!!

The emotional & physical toll this disease causes on those of us who are on the front lines fighting it are unseen and in some cases extreme b/c in most cases it doesn't rear it's ugly head until well after all the termoil has settled - it's like having PTSD. I started experiencing signs of it months after my son's arrest and am still having occasional symptoms. I'm sure it would have been much worse had I not recharged and found support.

So VZee do yourself a huge favor and take all the wonderful advice given and let your BF work through his own recovery and you work on yours.

Use the time to redirect your energy on you. For 10 years I'm sure your life has been focused on trying to " get your boyfriend better". Use this tIme to learn that you can only get yourself in a better place, with a stronger mind and the tools you will need to support his recovery. It is so important I can't begin to stress it enough. We become so consumed with addiction that it not controls the addict but it controls ours. He is in a good place, it is up to him if he will embrace recovery so now is your time, good luck

Our bodies have gotten so use to all the drama it can make it hard on us while they are getting help. Keep busy, go out and do something just for you and try not to dwell on what he is or isn't doing. As for the anger, I tended not to get angry because in actuality we are mad at ourselves also and we really are disappointed. We stayed 10 years or longer, we could of left anytime we wanted, but we stayed because we had hope, but any person in their rightful mind would of said I deserve better and would of left. He could come back and still go back to cocaine, so its up to you to decide how you want to live your life. Use this time to grow strong and decide how you want to live the next 10 years.

I know how you are feeling. I went through this a year ago with my boyfriend. He went into rehab for 30 days for an alcohol addiction. My mind was going crazy. All the time. Because I wanted to stand by his side while he was trying to give himself a second chance at life. And I did that. And I was nervous all the time, because while his life was starting over, mine still needed to move forward.

While in rehab, I wrote my boyfriend a letter. I wanted to express how proud of him I was but I was also looking for some guidance from him on what role I played in his life. Many times, they discourage a person out of rehab from being in a relationship. And, I disagree with that. I was not an unhealthy person in his life.

My suggestion to you right now, is to just breathe. He is in rehab. He is safe and you can go about your daily routine with out worrying about him. When he comes, go slow. Things will be different for him. Me and you can live a life without another substance, my boyfriend couldn't adn yours can't. So when he gets out of rehab, he will be learning how to deal with life sober. And life sober is so incredibly difficult for the addict. Be there and don't have any expectations. Unfortunately, 2 months after rehab, my boyfriend passed away. It has been 7 months. However, I don't have any regrets. I gave him everything I had to offer.

I pray that everything will work out for you.

While he's gone there will be a flood of emotion and I think its important to embrace it. Cry, scream, reflect, feel all of it - don't suppress your feelings. They are real and have to be released. It is hard to start over when recovery is in progress, its shifting gears. When my husband gave up alcohol years ago I didn't know how to treat him without suspicion, didn't know how to talk to him without being angry. It takes time and you have to heal. The one compromise I insisted on was that... Give me all the time I need to stop hurting from what I've been through. You're supporting him right now and have been so he could support you in that way...

Thank you all so much for all the advice. I have been talking more about my emotions and it is really helping. My boyfriend is really embracing his program and NA meetings and I am starting to feel hope again, I know it is only the beginning of a long journey - but I have NEVER seen him so positive and open about his addiction. One of the things I do struggle with a lot is pain and anger that I feel about things he put me through during his addiction, I spoke to him about some of these things recently on a visit and what bothered me was that he did not even remember some of the incidents because of being high/drunk - yet I DO remember and I am finding it hard to let go of those feelings.....