Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
i am 8 months pregnant and the father of my soon to be born daughter is a cocaine addict. I didn't realize this at first, in fact I partied with him for a few months before I got pregnant. But once I found out I was pregnant I completely stopped all drugs and alcohol. He promised to do the same. For over 6 months now he has kept promises me he was done with coke and drinking and going on binges where he would stay up 3-4 days in a row. But he can't be sober for more than a week. His life has been destroyed. He lost his business which once was brining in $1,000,000/year, he crashed his two vehicles (one to totaled from falling asleep behind the wheel the other he hit a couple in a motorcycle) and sold the third one and his house to pay for his lawyer. He is getting sued by two people (one of them his business partner), got arrested for a 3rd degree felony, and now a restraining order from me. He lives with his mom who is the worst alcoholic I've ever seen and his grandma who probably won't live much longer. On top of that I found out he has been sleeping with this girl behind my back, they both lied to me about it for months and it's not just sex but an emotional relationship. I'm pretty sure he has been sleeping around with other women and possibly men as well. I finally left him and told him he will never be around me or his daughter unless he goes to a long term in-patient treatment program. His family and closest friends have all tried interventions to no avail. He is in complete denial that he has a problem. I've only known him for a year, but from what I understand he has been an addict for 3 years now. His money supply took a long time to run out (running that million company into the ground) so he was able to keep up his habit for so long. Now that the company is gone I am hoping he will have no other choice but to face the facts. But I'm so hurt, confused, and depressed. He made my pregnancy a living hell. I cried almost every night, having panic attacks. I am currently unemployed and have this baby I have to take care of soon, I'm so scared. My family is here to help me but they don't make much money either. It is partly my fault to be in this situation, I should have never gotten caught up in the party scene here in south Florida. I was drinking and doing coke every day too for a few months. A year before that I dropped out of a really good grad program because of depression I was having from the divorce of a previous relationship. I started dancing and drinking everyday. Then moved back down to Florida to be with family and made it worse because the drug use here is so common, it wasn't like that were I lived before. Now I am having a baby with an addict and in the worst situation. I do love him. I know there is a kind and sweet person deep down but the drugs bury that so deep and take over his personality. I don't know what to do. I want to go back into my field of structural engineering but I've graduated in 2013 and have no experience in industry, only academic research experience which I didn't even compete. It looks bad for me. How am I to get a job? One that pays enough for me and my baby and I can pay my mother to watch her while I work. Plus he ok with me having to pump every 3 hours so I can feed my child breast milk. I feel so hopeless. How am I going to raise this little girl? Any advice or words or encouragement would be much appreciated.
That's good that you have family support, I didn't. I don't know what state you're in but there should be programs such as WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) that'll help you out the first year with formula and it's very expensive! I was very thankful of that. It also goes up until your baby turns 5 so it's an awesome program. Then there's cash assistance/food-stamps and medical coverage. I know some people don't want to sign up for that because it's embarrassing or what not, but it helps until you can help yourself. You don't have to be on it forever , sounds to me you can use all the help you can get. Also check around to find other support systems. You're not alone and try not to stress anymore because the baby knows how you're feeling.
Don't give up on your dream of doing what you want to do! It'll take some time but you can do it!! Good Luck! Sending big hugs
You have been shown by his actions that you and/or your new family are not the priority. Don't doubt yourself. We are the main people that hold ourselves back when we are capable of so much more. I tell myself, "I will exceed my perceived expectations".
Please be careful who you let in your life again, It seems some (me) can be drawn to addicts even without realizing it. There was no Cocaine for a year. I grew up around drugs. My parents always smoked weed. So I think it seemed normal to me. But full blown addict.. no. I hide my money in my sock toward the inside of my leg.. which I sleep in. You don't want to live like that. Cocaine is my husband's mistress. And I love him more than I have ever loved a man in my life. We will be married 7 years next month. But we don't have children together. There is no way I could be here in this situation and raise a child. He puts my coffee by the bed before I get up. (If he hasn't been out all night) Very loving, but this is not a life I would wish on anyone. I could tell you so much more, it's Hell on Earth, but this is about you and this wonderful child you are bringing into this world. You made the right decision. I'm proud of you.