Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Ironically I got the reply letter from my sister today. It's also my birthday today. I guess I can't accuse her of not getting me a present right? I told myself I wasn't going to open it today, that I was going to leave it until tomorrow. But, of course, I had to read it.
It was sort of surreal. I could hear my sister in it, but at the same time I couldn't. She owned up to a bit of it. To all of the drug issues. But other things, she sort of brushed off as saying that we just had different recollections and that some of it she never remembered doing.
I understand she probably didn't remember some of it. Something that is very memorable to a 7 year old may not be so memorable to a 15 year old.
She admitted in the letter that she had help with it. And some of her sentences sounded like they came out of a psych text book. She did tell me she had alot of help from the psychologist. I don't mind. I wanted to tell her the things I did while she was where she could get help. But large parts of it sound like his words would, not hers. My sister isn't stupid, but she is uneducated, and there were plenty of words and phrases that I don't think she would understand completely.
She didn't agree with my request that she not phone me for now. She claims she wants to talk to Marlow, my ten month old daughter. Well....Marlow doesn't really talk on the phone, and I don't think it's a good idea for me to even be the middle man right now. So I'm going to tell her if she and mum set it up then mum, Mar, and I can be together when she calls and mum can be the middle man. I just can't talk to her on the phone right now.
I'm even more confused and upset now then I was before the letter got here! It's like reading a letter that two or three different people wrote. I guess right now she is sort of two people, the old April battling with the new April. But it's just made me more kerfuffled.
It was sort of surreal. I could hear my sister in it, but at the same time I couldn't. She owned up to a bit of it. To all of the drug issues. But other things, she sort of brushed off as saying that we just had different recollections and that some of it she never remembered doing.
I understand she probably didn't remember some of it. Something that is very memorable to a 7 year old may not be so memorable to a 15 year old.
She admitted in the letter that she had help with it. And some of her sentences sounded like they came out of a psych text book. She did tell me she had alot of help from the psychologist. I don't mind. I wanted to tell her the things I did while she was where she could get help. But large parts of it sound like his words would, not hers. My sister isn't stupid, but she is uneducated, and there were plenty of words and phrases that I don't think she would understand completely.
She didn't agree with my request that she not phone me for now. She claims she wants to talk to Marlow, my ten month old daughter. Well....Marlow doesn't really talk on the phone, and I don't think it's a good idea for me to even be the middle man right now. So I'm going to tell her if she and mum set it up then mum, Mar, and I can be together when she calls and mum can be the middle man. I just can't talk to her on the phone right now.
I'm even more confused and upset now then I was before the letter got here! It's like reading a letter that two or three different people wrote. I guess right now she is sort of two people, the old April battling with the new April. But it's just made me more kerfuffled.
Having been on both sides, both wanting and being asked for forgiveness, here is what I truly believe..there are many things that you just do until they feel comfortable, you go through the motions until suddenly they are not motions anymore. You really push yourself to that for some things.
Not forgiveness. Being pushed into forgieness will create bitterness. Nobody on this earth can tell you when to forgive another, forgivenes is from the heart. When we have tried and wanted to trust someone over and over and over again, it takes time, it is not something that is just there one day, "Oh, I forgive you!" It is a lessening of your guard, it is gradual, and it happens as something inside of you begins to think that this person is telling you the truth, that if you let them out of the place you have out them, they will not make you feel like a fool. To a certain extent, you have to feel that you can trust them with even a small amount of trust.
Please do not let anyone tell you when it is right, this is for you to decide. You have struggled with this for a long time, you have made good decisions. I would say that you know yourself, and you know what is best.
I would say counseling because it is really good to keep things in perspective, to really get at the heart of your feelings, and that in turn wil help you to continue to make good decisions and the confidence to stick with them, no matter what anyone else says.