I hope someday I can "feel" again too. My alcoholic, depressed son has driven me to the edge. He wont help himself & it's heartbreaking, literally. I have even stopped praying, because I don't feel as though God is listening.

I went through the same thing...and it did take some time before we stopped that "crisis mode" thinking. In fact, my husband is still stuck there, and our son is sober 8 years this April 8th. (amazing, isn't it?)

I think our batteries get so depleted that it takes healing for us to get recharged. I think too, that it is a protective thing our brain does to save our sanity.

That saying "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"? we can now bench press buicks. ( I saw that somewhere and loved it)

It is all part of a journey. I will never be judgmental of another family or addict again. I know I am a better person from all this....but you couldn't pay me to go back and do it again. I pray I never have to.

as time goes on, you will see...it keeps getting better as they do. And then? what do you do with all that energy you used to use on them? That was a strange point to reach too.

Hoping, this is beautiful ... He sounds sincere .. Big smile!! I get the numb ...my boy has been thru 2court ordered rehabs now, and messes up each time... Sometimes I'm afraid to get my hopes up..
Blessings momma ..

How beautiful to hear your son coming back from the addict mind. It's a marvellous transformation, isn't it? To hear him taking ownership of his mistakes and being honest and sincerely committed to wellness.

I think to some degree, families of addicts suffer from Post Traumatic Stress. When our loved ones are in the throes of addiction, we have to disassociate emotionally because we can't bear the tragedy unfolding and our inability to do anything to prevent it. Our cortisol levels are out of whack. Once things start to improve, it takes a while for us to regain our equilibrium. It can be pretty overwhelming when our emotions return.

My 30-year old son has been clean for 4 months now and the time he spent as an addict is gradually slipping into the past as his personality comes back and the humorous and kind son I knew re-emerges. He was clean for 16 months before relapsing last year, so I am still alert to the risks. I check in with him every day, sometimes just a brief text, sometimes longer phone calls or visits. I really want to keep communication open and hold on to the belief that he will stay clean this time because none of us want to see our loved ones go back down that spiral of addiction. There is always hope.

All the best to you and your family!

I know from my personall experience,, is you put your heart and soul on defensive mode,, I think it's protection,, for so many years you take one step,, and shoot fall back two,,, when dealing with active addiction, every day,, heck every hour something is about to happen,, so I think you do become hard core in a sense,,, again it's a choice we make,,, if you can slowly turn that choice, which I have done,,, to look through, instead of looking at the "storm" there is a clearing,,,,

I'm a peace, yes I lost my daughter,,, miss her with every once of me,,, but I never want to have to deal with that,,, active addicition ever again,,, that was the hardest six years of my life,,,the not "knowing",,,, today I know where Katelin is,,, she is home where she belongs, no longer in pain,,, the pain I have is a voide, a missing link,,,,

love ya

Cardinal, you always have such good sense of things and such a strength that is inspiring. Hugs to you my friend! ;)

I know just what your going thru. I got so tired of being afraid and sad that I shut down for awhile.
Sounds like your son is on the right track.
Big hugs

Boy, can I relate to this post. Our son was an addict & alcoholic for nearly 12 years. My husband and I basically became "conditioned" to relating to him as an addict. He's been totally clean since July of last year but even now, we still find ourselves becoming suspicious. We still, in some ways, continue to treat him like an addict even though he has made much progress and seems to be doing well.

I try to tell him that he has to be patient with us. He's 29 now and the only way we've known him as an adult is as an addict - with the exception of the last 9 months. You simply cannot switch off those fears overnight anymore than they make a full recovery overnight.

I liken it to a sort-of Post Traumatic Stress...and I do NOT mean to minimize PTS. I just mean that you become so used to the bottom falling out, so used to disappointment, so used to blaming yourself, it's hard to stop. It's hard to start trusting. It takes time for trust to be earned back and for our own emotions to level out.

Gordos4, I completely understand that you feel God is not listening. Believe me when I tell you He IS listening, and He's even ACTING on the situation. However, the matter truly is between God and your son. Backing off is the best thing you can do. Don't be afraid to tell God how you're feeling...as my pastor's wife once told me, "Go ahead...tell God you're mad at Him. He can take it!" He CAN take it...He can take it and make something wonderful from it. When you are weak, He is STRONG. Allow Him to work in your sons life and allow God to bring healing to you as you focus on our own life.

It occurs to me that all of us as parents do have a right to our own life. We did our job...we worked hard, paid our bills, raised our kids. Here we are in mid-life trying to solve the problems of our adult children when those problems are not ours to solve.

We are working on leaving our adult children to the Lord and concentrating on living the lives we've earned.