I agree with you....I am addicted to my sons
You said - "expecting crisis, perpetuating crisis -- if all that in itself is an addiction as well"

I am going to go to EDMR....treatment to hopefully get some relief from the feelings mentioned above.

I'm ridiculous I have my own stuff going on....and I spend 90% of my time expecting crisis from my 29 and 25 year old sons.

My son told me as we were sitting in the car waiting to check him into rehab (March) that the whole "acquiring" and then using is a huge rush. In his words: You know you need a fix. You call around and finally find a connection. Then you have to put the money together and that might take awhile. Then you find a ride to your "connection" and get whatever. You then get a ride to wherever is your place to do your stuff. Then you realize that you don't have a dog/cat nail trimmer (serious?!) to crush the stuff down so you can inject it. You have to then find the money and ride to get the nail trimmer. You finally get everything together and then the "high". The high for him is not just the drug, but putting it all together and then the high. And then it starts all over. This whole thing makes me sick, but I believe it. My son just overdosed in our bathroom on Friday and I am just shell shocked still. I just don't understand. Is getting a drug fix like getting a new purse or shoes or something?

i always had the feeling that my son had the thrill of out witing me, i would agree to help him and thought i was smart and did urine testing and the whole thing and he still fooled me. maybe that is part of the game, thrill seeking etc...but in the end they lose and we all lose. the more i tried to help the more he had to get clever ways to outsmart me. seems he did drugs sometimes just to get me back as strange as that sounds. maybe i tried tooo hard to control him at times...so hard to be a mom and watch them self destruct and say nothing. would that have worked better???

Thanks for the replies and validation. I feel challenged to ramp down the level of anxiety and it's helpful to know that feeling is shared. Meditation seems to help, a brisk walk too, or other favorite activities that can absorb my attention, away from a hyperinflation waiting for the other shoe to drop that's under a conscious level.
Very interesting observation, Susan55 -- thank you too -- for sharing here what your son shared with you. The drama surrounding the actual drug usage -- the pursuit creating a rush on its own.
What I sense too from at least one of my siblings is getting off on what she can get away with. Very sad.

Jainlor -- thank you too -- for putting into words the (apparent) rush your son gets from having outwitted you. In my family the self-satisfaction of succeeding in "pulling something off" seems rooted in a whole lot of anger.
The one sibling has been addicted to tv and movies for as long as I can remember -- and that's not a casual use of the word addicted. Maybe she's trying for that high level of intrigue and drama in real life. That seems to add up.

Word Predictor converted text to "hyperinflation", I intended the word to be hypervigilance.