Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My son was just released last Saturday (2/15) after 31 says in a rehab. I felt so at peace and at ease without him at home creating chaos. He looked and sounded amazing, his old self, and came out so optimistic about his recovery. I was so hopeful, however, this past weekend he used again! One week out of rehab! I am devastated to say the least. He had a plan to do 90 meetings in 90 days but missed this weekend and one during the week. At first he denied being high but I threatened him with drug testing and he confessed. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach! I feel like we are back to square one at this point. At this point he claims he will go to his meetings but I am not sure this is enough. Should he try to go back to treatment. This is all new to me. I am so sad.
I read your words and re-live the horror of what that feels like. I don't know if it helps you or not, but I can tell you that my son was the same at one point. They become enslaved by the drugs, and yes, as others have said, they really don't care about what you have to say. While using, nothing else really matters. There is no logic; they can't really think straight.
Sometimes it takes a real shock to snap them back to reality. I knew in my son's case that as long as I allowed him to live in my house, where he had food, a bed, a car, etc..we would never break the cycle. He would keep using, keep relapsing, keep lying and manipulating and stealing. We let him come home twice, only to repeat the same behaviours. And with each relapse, it got worse and worse. Living at home was enabling him to keep using.
Something big had to change. He needed a real wake-up call. So, the second time I put him out of my home (he stayed with his girlfriend's family), I made it very clear that I would not tolerate it in my home, and he either had to get clean and stay clean or never live with me again. I told him he would wind up either in prison or dead. I told him it was his choice, but as for me, I refuse to live this way. So, when he came home only to relapse again, and I calmly told him to leave, he said please don't do this, I need help. I can't do it without you guys, please help me.
The search began for detox and boy was it frustrating! No one had a bed, the hospital said they couldn't help him and gave us numbers to call, no one nearby was able to do anything to help us immediately. One detox place wanted $600 per day for 7 days of detox. It was a nightmarish night, and I found out later that while my husband and I were busy making calls and searching online for options, my son had snuck out to get a fix!! He later told me he felt like he was going to die, like his skin was peeling away from his body. Without that fix, he never would have made it to go anywhere for help. So even when they want help and are agreeing to treatment, they are powerless over the need for drugs. Your son can't stop using because he can't do it alone. First, he has to want and accept the help. Then he has to get through the physical detox, and the mental side of it is probably the hardest to get past.
Long story short, we found out about the sober house through a friend. My son called the manager, and he actually made my son call him everyday until he got there. We booked a flight for my husband and son to get him to Florida. We did have to wait a few days for a bed, but he managed to test clean when he arrived there, and he has been there ever since. That was last June.
He has had many bumps in the road even in sober living. We help him a lot, with rent between jobs, money for food, and we pay for his car and insurance. But we don't mind as long as he is clean. I still can't say with certainty that he will stay clean forever, he is only 21, but we are grateful that he has been able to do this for so long and we pray that it continues. We miss him terribly but he is alive and clean by the grace of God.
You cannot make your son want help, but maybe with a little ingenuity, you can create a scenario where he realizes his life cannot continue this way. The number one way is to not enable him. Pinkpony said putting her son out did not help him, so in his case it was not a factor in him seeking help. It was something else that led him there. I hope and pray that your son finds a reason to seek recovery soon. Don't give up hope. Addiction happens everyday, but so does recovery.
Please keep us informed to how he is doing. We are here for you.
You are all in my prayers.
1 month in rehab is not enough for most people. How long has your son been using? My son had been using for a few years and tried outpatient counseling at first. It did not work for him and eventually went into a year long secular program. He is 2+ years clean now.
The only reason he was able to get the help he needed is because we stopped helping him. Tough love is so incredibly hard. A leap of faith.
Let us know how it's going. We're here for you!
I did a lot of research in the throws of my sons addiction. There are some hidden gems, people that have been there and just want to help. Not for money, but just because.
I just want you to know and anyone that reads this that it's the desire to get help that's the first and most important step.
Hugs