I spend quite a bit of time with my therapist. I LOVE that woman!! It helps me prioritize my life and what I need to do. It's helped me face the fact that I am completely powerless over my addict. It's helped me with a lot of things. It helps to let it all out. There have been times where she just listens and doesn't say a word. And by the end, I feel better because I was able to let it out. We are powerless over our addicts. It sucks. I love mine so much it's crazy! But this is his addiction. Not mine. Don't let your addict become your addiction. I've been repeating that all day long.

Hey Fridge,

There is no such thing as "normal". Better is a much better word.

I was extremely reluctant to ask for help. My addict is my brother. Hes been on heroin since 2004 but he had done every drug you can think of or not since his teens. Needless to say, the pain of seeing yourself and your family being torn apart is excruciating.

I asked for help, no, I begged for help in 2010. The first few times all I did was cry. I could barely speak I was feeling embarrassed, lost, hurt, confused, hit by a truck, powerless, consumed with fear and guilt.

Within a month, my therapist suggested I saw a psychiatrist.
It took me two months to make up my mind.

My psychologist and my psychiatrist saved my life, so to speak. I know that it was me who did all the work. They just guided me through.

Therapy is not a miracle solution that will take you back to your pre-addiction-days-in-life. You wont feel normal. You might feel better, empowered, less crazy.. Only if you give yourself a chance though and find the right therapist for you. My psychologist was of the cognitive behavioural school; she was also experienced in addiction in the family.

Therapy helps a great deal if you want to be helped.

take care!

My therapist helped me come out from a very deep hole I was living in and digging in deeper, I have a 20 year old son that lives for drugs......

after a few sessions with her I wished she could have come and lived with me!!

It helped me realize a lot of things and I agree with Pen125...there really is no such thing as "normal" but I was able to become the mother and wife I wanted to be back to. Not the enabling, worrying, anxiety ridden, person I had let myself become over 3-4 years.

I went once a week for a year solid. Now I've learned some great coping skills so when something comes up I can deal with it in a hopefully logical way. I'm not perfect and sometimes I fall back in to my bad patterns so I just call up make and appt. and have a little check in. Believe me I still have bad days.....but a lot less frequent!

Things will never be the same before Justins addiction but I do feel better about me, my family now, and still have hope he will turn his life around.

Hope this helps.....Darla

Hi fridge,

I joined this site about 18 months ago because my brother is a drug addict (he is in jail again now) and it was tearing me and my family apart. Since then, I have read a lot about codependency and Adult Children of Alcoholics, dysfuncitonal families, etc. I got to the point where I understood it intellectually but was STILL feeling like a crazy person. I was ok with the awareness part but was having trouble putting what I had learned into action. I was just kind of stuck.

I started seeing a counsellor (fortnightly) in April last year, and what a blessing she has been! She has been amazing. My brother hit a particularly low point last year and I didn't know how to deal with it so went to see a counsellor to 'figure out how to deal with him'. Haha, turns out I had some issues myself- my coping mechanisms were pretty darn messed up, I was obsessing about him and was so busy thinking about him and everyone else in my family that I had completely neglected to think about myself and my own life. And yeah, I now realise that I am probably just as sick as my brother but it comes out in different ways. I have been working on healing myself rather than trying to heal him.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a 'magic key'. Like Pen, I also think it is really important to find the right counsellor for you, there is also a fair bit of trust involved. It wasn't just a matter of me going to counselling and her magically fixing me, I worked hard, I learned to trust her and I am seeing and feeling the benefits.

I have launched a 'multi-forced attack' to get through this- reading many books, learning as much as I can, I read a lot on this site, I talk to my gem of a counsellor and I recenlty started going to Al-anon meetings- all of these things have helped me learn new ways of coping. I love these 'doses of emotionally healthy thinking'. I have never really had much exposure to 'healthy thinking' and boy has it been making a difference.

Wishing you all the best and I hope you find the help and support you need to get through this :) This site helps me a lot :) Take care.

just by talking about your situation is great thearapy,,,, it so important not to keep it all inside,,, you have to find a group, person,, that works for your needs..... really what is "normal"....

OMG...I hear that question so loudly...I thought that too, and my hubby, well his response was "HELL NO, I am NOT going to a therapist" he is soooo utterly an emotional midget...I knew that when I married him, he deals in his own way...ME? Well, I was so OVER consumed with the thoughts that it became SO obsessive I couldn't function like me anymore....every milisecond spent on worrying, the anxiety was sooo thick...I made the call...I went to the visit and ya know what, it helped SO much, yes I did ALL the talking, he listened so intently, I NEEDED just that, I needed to hear it all spill out and HEAR me saying the things I wouldn't say to my hubby or my son....and I didn't want any pills to take to make me feel better, I wanted to know HOW to clear my emotions, how to DEAL with the build up....and he did JUST that...at 1st visit after I was done spilling, he said "you know how to deal with this, you KNOW what needed to be done and you did it as hard as that seems, what YOU need to do is learn how to prioritize your emotions, how to build them up and let them take themSELVES down and you what I teach basically puts me out of a job in 4 short weeks." I thought 'is he INSANE? 4 short weeks? That's IT?"....so I continued the visits, I would spill my guts, and at the end he would go over some techniques to help me handle my emotions, my thoughts...at 2nd visit I was feeling SO much better, I practised every moment, every day and by the 4th visit I was so calm, spilling a little, not much left over, and was actually surprised at how much I already really KNEW but wasn't doing....I haven't seen him for about 4 weeks now....and ya know what, I do what I was reinforced and I feel great....I still have my 'moments' but not like before, I am functioning about 80% of how I use to and my life seems SO much better and I handle my SON better.....

I come on here to check in, to check my emotions and sometimes just to let the 'spill' happen on my posts....

I HIGHLY recommend it....and everyone is different, don't forget that.

It just helps to have someone 'outside' the circle, that doesn't know you from Adam, to help you navigate the sadly sick ride we are all on.

Hey, if you went for one visit and it isn't for you, then be honest with the therapist and see if there isn't something that is right for YOU.....

Hugs to you!