Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members
8,121 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Child to be removed by the police

Pen125
Pen125
I just wanted to let you know that the D.A. was informed today about the abuse my brother's child is suffering from. After long and painfull talks with my father, he finally summoned up the courage to brief the D.A. again

This is no short of a miracle. It's been one year since the last D.A briefing (which then resulted in being the child taken to the children's hospital for check ups. She was found undernourished, no vaccines and sick. She was kept there for two weeks and was handed back to the "mother" who falsly claimed that she would be living with her parents.

The D.A. said that the police along with social services will go to the womans place TODAY, in order to remove the child.

My father is crying. My brother has no idea. After being kicked out from the methadone programme he started using again BUT, just a couple of days ago he applied for the buprenorphine programme (which I find much more effective than the methadone one, not only because of the nature of the medication, but also because the clinic is very close to our parents house where he has been living the past few months, ie, no trips to the dirty, trigger down town where his methadone clinic is).

Im sorry for the long post. My fathers decision is a breakthrough for all of us. My heart is pounding, although I KNOW IN MY HEART AND MIND that the child has to be removed from that place, the idea that a 3 year old girl will be taken away by strangers and placed to a childrens safe house BREAKS MY HEART.

I know my brother will lose his mind over this. I PRAY with my whole being that the removal will be an eye opener and not the reason for his downward spiral.

Please, any ADVICE on how to handle my brothers reactions and how to support him is much needed.

Thank you in advance.


P.S. Taking the child with us is still a non-option for both legal and personal reasons. Please, don't judge, I know how it sounds..
deehigs
deehigs
No judgement here. I understand your mixed emotions but I feel it is without a doubt in the best interest of this poor child to be removed maybe hopefully this will serve as a catalyst for your brother to make the changes he needs to make in order to get his child back. You have my prayers for this . Hugs Pen stay strong! Dee
Pen125
Pen125
I am refreshing this page every 30 minutes. That desperate I am. Thank you Dee, I keep saying to myself that this might give him the push to take responsibility for his actions, himself and the child.

I just don't know which is the best way to support my brother and help him follow through with his plan to join the new rehab programme. Tomorrow (or the day after, we don't know) he is supposed to go for check ups; that's the first step of joining the programme. If the child is removed today, he will flip out and most likely take it out on himself, my parents and me.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
As long as the child is out of that house, I feel that anything would be better. There was obviously neglect.
When she is staying in a foster home, would there be a way for your family to make sure she is doing well? visitations, perhaps? or a social worker who would repoprt to you?
I would think that the connection to her, making sure she is well, would make me feel better.
Listen, the kid can't advocate for themselves. The hospital kept her quite a while...whatever happens with the addicts, happens...but your dad helped save a child today. Anyone's child..and this one happens to be his grandchild...I say "good" and I hope it happens as you expect with no delays.
Be well. This is hard, but I would think better than knowing the little kid is hungry and neglected and who knows what else. This is a good thing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
In reply to how to cope with your brothers reaction...it is a very difficult situation. He loves his child but does not appear to have the health necessary to care for her. I would be empathetic and understanding. I would validate his emotions and also help him to understand that if he follows through with the program he can get her back. Addiction is a powerful and cunning disease he needs to be ready and willing to do what he needs to do to get healthy. I hope having his child taken will help motivate that for him.
Pen125
Pen125
Yes, the child comes first and I can't wait until she is removed from that place. Having been severely let down by the system I don't let my hopes get too high about her placement in foster care, whatever that might be.

I had been arguing with my father for so long about filling yet another report. Things reached a point where I told him that I myself will go to the D.A., something he is totally against too because he doesn't want me to get involved (I know he's thinking about the future relationship between my brother and me and how such an action would be tear us apart).

It's been a month since I last came to you. The lows have been overwhelming, the holding my breath, the disappointments, the trying to be there for my mother cause she's not doing very well...everything. Today's visit to the D.A. is something I've been waiting for for a whole year. Maybe my expectations are high, but it is a breakthrough and, I guess, I just wanted to share and vent. Supporting my brother will be one hell of a task cause when he loses it, he really loses it, he goes straight back into using, cutting and self distructing.

All I can do is wait for the best (?) and prepare for the worst. How on earth one can do that, when the life of a child is at stake, still escapes me.

Thank you so much for listening...
Pen125
Pen125
sorry for the spelling/grammar and syntax errors.
marg6300
marg6300
Pen I am so sorry you are living this nightmare.. I hope the authorities get this child and take her to a safe place and if you could somehow keep tabs on her that would be good. I am sure you are also so worried about your brother but he has got to know that this child was suffering staying with her addicted mommy.. He is an addict but he is not dumb he had to understand that she was not be cared for properly. He will have a ton of guilt and it may or may not motivate him to get started on his own recovery. Please don't worry about if you are supporting your brother the right way. Just love him and encourage him to get well thats all you can do.
jainlor
jainlor
so glad the child will go to a safe place. you have saved her life! sorry for all you are going through but YOU ABSOLUTELY DID THE RIGHT THING! XOXO. as for your brother I am not sure what to tell you. I am sure when he is well enough he will be able to see his child and possibly get custody but he has to get well first
Pen125
Pen125
Today went by and nothing happened. Tomorrow my brother is supposed to go for clinical check ups in order to be admitted to the buprenorphine programme. We are waiting. That is all we can do now.

Thank you for being here, I don't know what I would do without you

(Marg, this is going to sound weird, but I'll say it anyway: the word you used, "nightmare", it's like acknowledging how insane such a situation is. I have been so shocked and under such extreme psychological pressure that sometimes I wonder about my sanity. I've even said to myself, come on Pen, you're exaggerating with all these emotions. By having another person calling it what it is, I know I am not crazy for feeling so overwhelmed).
cardinal39
cardinal39
Pen,,, I'm thinking of you girl,,, release,,, relax,, recharge,, we has a group stand untied with you and your family,, the life of addiction is insane,, and when you have a child or children involved, we all have to become focus and put our energy in what is on the best interest of those little voices that go unheard,, unfortunately the addict only has the interest of the next fix,, it's not that they don't care,, they become numb,,, it's sad,, even though my situation is not nearly the same,, but I have a beautiful child,,that should be tucked in Bed, and awake each morning to her mom,, I ( or should say we) saved our little miss Ava from what could of been a disturbing situation,,

The light of hope shines forever , until my last breath,,,

Keep us posted

Hugs to you
Pen125
Pen125
I am holding strong. I am suprised with myself. We are still waiting for the police and CPS to act.
dmatt124
dmatt124
No judging my friend. I know what a tremendous breakthrough this is especially for your dad, but I'm sure the reality of what is happening to his grand daughter is not acceptable. Your Dad didn't do this, he is just protecting his granddaughter. Keeping you all in my prayers.
katrinka
katrinka
No child should have to live in an environment where they are neglected. I am glad someone is doing something. I understand about the not taking the child, it is a huge responsibility.
Your brother has to live with his actions, he has been given numerous chances and what he does in the future is up to him. I hope he seeks the help he needs, but at the same time I would let him go through the pain of loosing his daughter, but not judge him either. He needs to work this out. I feel sorry for your parents this is gut wrenching for them.