Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Many of you know I have an addict mother. She does good for a month and finds any excuse to relapse. We'll latest was last night right after I took money from my very low savings (thanks to always helping her and my brother in jail) to pay her electric bill. My son had a field trip that I didn't let him go on to New Orleans bc it was to expensive and I turn around and help her again on the same day he should have been enjoying beauty an the best. His ticket and charter bus ride was cheaper . I am not mad at her this time, well yes I am but more mad at me for letting her make a fool of me again. I look at all of the things I tell my children no for and turn around and continually help her. I called her a few minutes ago and her response is why would I wake her with that. WTH I have been up all night pissed. I told her I need to distance myself for awhile and not to ask me for nothing not even five dollars for a sandwich. I also told her don't ask me to send money to my brother. I have just been thinking about all the wrong they both have done me. My brother cleared my account and since I didn't want to press charges I lost all the money I'd saved for a year. I got over and trusted him again. Instead of trading my car in a sold it to him and only ask that he give me 100 a month for a year and he never gave me one cent. Three months later he sold it for a down payment for his wife's car. I actually forgave him for that but have been doing a lot of thinking about people I continually let screw me. I have a lot of built up anger.
You can't let the addicts take away from your kids...or stress you out like this.
it is not your journey.
What are you doing to take care of yourself?
Their situation is like a brick wall...the harder you run into it, the more you hurt yourself. You need to step away. And you need to have them be accountable- stop protecting them.
What advice would you give to a total stranger, or a friend, who wrote the above to you? bet you would have some good advice!
What the heck do you think you're doing and why? Is it because you think you're helping them or is it because you feel obligated or guilty about their life choices. We'll I've got news, it's neither because your actions are only doing one thing - enabling their continued behavior and unless you do an immediate STOP and make a 180-degree turn and walk away from this situation it's only going to get worse.
How much worse you ask? Your child will be forever damaged by not only your actions but by the very environment he's been living in and being forced to tolerate and guess what - you'll only have yourself to blame.
You're probably thinking I'm full of BS and an ass to boot but think of it this way. What if you were a real orderly neat-nick type of person and your mom & brother were just really fat (like 400lbs each) slobs rather than addicts and you kept bringing them greasy fast food and stocked the fridge & pantry up with ice cream, cookies, Candy, Krispy Cream Donuts, etc and let them trash your house b/c of laziness - but that's okay b/c you want them to be full b/c then they'd be happy and wouldn't harp or complain or nag at you. You think life's good but in reality all you're doing is allowing frustration, anger, rage and resentment to consume your soul on one hand and on the other unhealthy eating is slowly killing them; but that's okay b/c they aren't bitching or belly-aching at you - their just being pigs and making your life a living Hell and teaching your child that this is ok behavior...
Bottom line - save yourself. Unfortunately it sounds like you are either unable or unwilling to change your behavior around them and if that's the case then the reality of the situation is that your current living arrangement and relationship is extremely toxic, especially for your child. You need to decide; save yourself & your son or continue status quo?
The ONLY way anything positive will happen is by YOU making major changes that may or may not be easy or comfortable. If it were me in your shoes, I'd do everything and anything possible to remove them from you and your child's current living arrangement otherwise your just shooting yourself & child in the foot over & over & over.
Choose wisely because there's still time to salvage what could be a peaceful life when compared to you're current one.
because she would just go to her house when she wanted to get high. My husband and children (3 very active boys) say I am moody when she is at the house. Now she stays with my aunt sometimes. I told my brother I would have to limit what I give him to $50 and start writing letters. As far as me feeling responsible for their situation my mom not at all. My brother, a little. When I made 18 I left and went to the military and left him there with my mom. He didn't stand a chance. He dropped out of highschool. I was the one making him go in the first place. I've tried to help him get on his feet but he is just in and out of jail. He's in right now.
However, parents are deemed by the law to be responsible for their minor children.
I suggest you follow that simple priority, and maybe get to an AlAnon group where support is available.