I agree 100% my xah has no remorse or concern
for what He has done. He might be dry for 30 yrs
His behaviors now are of an addict, he attends AA to
Me he is still not emotionally or spiritually sober.
That takes honesty and willing to be honest, the
Little addict is running his show, i do pray for His
soul thats all i can do. HUGS

bless u all, I have had an addict brother in my life for 25 years. He has been in rehab at least 4 times. Comes out, does well for awhile and then right back at it, He does not go to meetings, does nothing to heal but take prescribed meds to "make him feel better". At this point I think the drugs have altered his brain. He is now 47 years old. Plus he never had the chance to really fall because my mother is his chief enabler and codepender!! No amount of begging, pleading or reasoning will make her understand. I basically took over her finances as he has ruined her credit and put her in about 40,000 worth of debt. My brother and I used to me so close, but since he does not work a program I have had to put up boundries. We hardly speak anymore. I addicts open their mouths and the lies pour out. You mentioned he has support. Is it support or is it enablers? Anyone in true recovery works a program and does what they have to do to make things right. I hope that you are in a support program. I went to every family support program that they offered in the rehabs and boy did that teach me a lot. My brother HATES that I am so on to him every step of the way. Hugs to you. AH

I have been going to alanon since 2012,
I have a good therapist drug,alcohol and
Abuse trained she is a 12 stepper, i have
Gone multiple times to divorce care and
Now attend church.

We got divorced 14 months ago, i have gone
No contact and moved 13 miles away. I have
Not seen him or his momma since the day i
Left town. HUGS

An addict can claim to be clean all they want. But until their behavior changes, they have just switched to a new "drug of choice", be it a substance they are investing or an emotional game they are playing. I have a friend who's daughter is an expert at this game. She started by saying she had a lot of amends to make to people. I have yet to see her make any of them. This is what I have heard referred to as a "dry drunk". They aren't "using", but their behavior hasn't changed. And you are right, they have no remorse. You can't believe anything they tell you because they are master manipulators. Keep your guard up. Keep yourself safe. I understand and I care. Hugs (if you want them. Some people don't like the physical contact with hugs.)

Thank you all for your responses and all your understanding!!

i completely agree with your claim blessuall.
Often, i doubt my own reality thinking that the "recovering addict"is working a program, surrounded by good friends and support, even part of a church ministry, yet, does not show any remorse at all or any form of retribution to people he has hurt. No sorries.. but pictures on social media show how valued and respected he is by his new found friends. I don't get how REAL that recovery is. and how much longer it is gonna stay that way. My gut always doubts that it won;t take long until he trips and falls again or resort to another form of addiction or compulsive behavior.

I always struggle not sharing with the happiness i see of my ex addict, on social media. Because I don't believe its sincerity. True recovery, as how the 12 steps should be practiced, I don't see that of my ex addict. He is trying... maybe... he always declares to his public testimonies that he has reached bottom... but something inside me senses, he has not yet reached his worst. he is still full of pride and ego.

Yes they are sick, their brains are mush, but one that wants and wills to get well, when God feels that sincerity to change, I think will be led by God to the right path and people. It seems like they have sold their soul to the devil and find it hard to cross the bridge. Are they really hopeless? I don't think so.. Difficult, yes. But a choice has to be made. This i believe, and behaviors are the strongest indicators of change and learning.

It's been almost 3 yrs for me... of waiting and hoping that my ex addict will change, realize his faults and make up for it. He remains happy with his new found friends... no remorse.. no efforts.. no sorries. Just moving along and finding another set of people to deceive and manipulate- perhaps deliberately or not.

I do wonder yellowly if it is just another EASY OUT to pretend all is fine now after they have walked away from all the harm they have done--just find new enablers instead of facing their harm and making amends. I do think true recovery is possible but I think only very few make it there. Their twisted thinking continues, just looks a bit different.

I completely and entirely agree with your points. sometimes i wonder if/ when i doubt it's just the embittered me trying to be defensive, unable to accept his "happy" reality now. but it doesn't make sense at all. i question if it's the condition of my heart that is the problem, or that it really looks like a life of lie he is living. it's not my problem.. he is free to make his own life choices. but sad that he doesn't take the course with me.

Have you ever asked him if he is sorry or said that you would like an apology?

He may assume that you don't need one or that you've forgiven and forgotten and don't want to re-open old wounds.

The other issue is that he's using pills, so he might not actually be sober, depending on what pills he's taking.

Hi all, this post is 8 years old.. No amends yet! Donna I think he just wants to believe that all is forgotten for his easy out of accountability. I do think most likely still using pills and still in addiction.