Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I'm a 58-year-old widow with a 19-year-old son who graduated from high school last June. Instead of going to college to be an orthodontist, he went to rehab instead. I lost my job at the end of January. My mom passed away three weeks ago.
Being a nurse, I was the one who people turn to in times of need. I was always strong one. I lost 11 family members in the past five years. Husband,grandparents, parents, and cousins. My husband was a fighter, he never gave up his battle with cancer. It was devastating to watch my son spiraling downward. He attempted suicide twice. My son was always very strong. He was the man of the house when his father passed. He played ice hockey, tennis and lacrosse. He was in honors classes. Watching his body and mine deteriorate was unbearable.I blame myself for my son's addiction because at times my drinking was an issue. Even though we were extremely close after the death of his dad I am convinced that this was one of the factors in his addiction. He was bullied in person and on the Internet which didn't help.
In the past year I have had to carpal tunnel surgeries on my right hand, one on my left hand and emergency spinal fusion. I gained 40 pounds which on a 5 foot 2 inch frame does not look good :-)
I have been so stressed out with everybody else's problems I let myself go to shit. After that being said I am alone with no job.
I have been reading books, searching the Internet and listening to Depok Chopra tapes.... Anything that would help to ease the pain. My self-esteem is in the toilet. I was always the one trying to make other people happy and helping them with their issues that I neglected my own.. As my son says, "mom you try to hard!!!".
Sometimes I look at other people who "appear to be happy and have it all" and I feel jealousy and resentment. I too was that person once. These are devastating emotions to feel. They can eat us alive. These "lucky, happy people" have their own crosses to bear am sure of it.
I used to wake up in the morning smiling saying this is the first day of the rest of your life! Have a great day! Now when I wake up, that is if I have even slept that night and experience an anxiety attack! Wow!
My son has tried very hard as well. He takes two steps forward and moves four steps behind. His pain is unbearable to watch.
I am trying to re-invent myself. I am not taking it one day at a time I am taking it one hour at a time:) I have started a healthier lifestyle with the foods I eat, vitamins I take, walks around the neighborhood and have decreased in my alcohol intake. I am looking for a new job which will make me happy not necessarily rich.
Any comments would be greatly appreciated :-)
Being a nurse, I was the one who people turn to in times of need. I was always strong one. I lost 11 family members in the past five years. Husband,grandparents, parents, and cousins. My husband was a fighter, he never gave up his battle with cancer. It was devastating to watch my son spiraling downward. He attempted suicide twice. My son was always very strong. He was the man of the house when his father passed. He played ice hockey, tennis and lacrosse. He was in honors classes. Watching his body and mine deteriorate was unbearable.I blame myself for my son's addiction because at times my drinking was an issue. Even though we were extremely close after the death of his dad I am convinced that this was one of the factors in his addiction. He was bullied in person and on the Internet which didn't help.
In the past year I have had to carpal tunnel surgeries on my right hand, one on my left hand and emergency spinal fusion. I gained 40 pounds which on a 5 foot 2 inch frame does not look good :-)
I have been so stressed out with everybody else's problems I let myself go to shit. After that being said I am alone with no job.
I have been reading books, searching the Internet and listening to Depok Chopra tapes.... Anything that would help to ease the pain. My self-esteem is in the toilet. I was always the one trying to make other people happy and helping them with their issues that I neglected my own.. As my son says, "mom you try to hard!!!".
Sometimes I look at other people who "appear to be happy and have it all" and I feel jealousy and resentment. I too was that person once. These are devastating emotions to feel. They can eat us alive. These "lucky, happy people" have their own crosses to bear am sure of it.
I used to wake up in the morning smiling saying this is the first day of the rest of your life! Have a great day! Now when I wake up, that is if I have even slept that night and experience an anxiety attack! Wow!
My son has tried very hard as well. He takes two steps forward and moves four steps behind. His pain is unbearable to watch.
I am trying to re-invent myself. I am not taking it one day at a time I am taking it one hour at a time:) I have started a healthier lifestyle with the foods I eat, vitamins I take, walks around the neighborhood and have decreased in my alcohol intake. I am looking for a new job which will make me happy not necessarily rich.
Any comments would be greatly appreciated :-)
You should not feel guilty! One of the first things they teach the families in the rehab family programs is that this was NOT your fault. You didn't CAUSE it, you cannot CONTROL it and you cannot CURE it.
I still remember that horrible feeling of guilt, as if I could have done something different that would have changed the path my son's life has taken...but when I really considered it carefully I realized how ridiculous that was. My daughter was raised the same and she turned out great. We were good and loving parents, our family was close and happy. It was not our fault that our son decided to try drugs. He was not raised around drugs or alcohol in our home. It was a choice he made of his own free will to fit in with his friends. I'm sure if you really think about it, you will see that this was not your fault, and feeling guilty is not helping you or your son to move on and heal from this terrible situation.
I hope things go well for Zak..give it time and be good to yourself.
Peace.