Welcome. I hope you can find all the support you need with us. It is certainly a "no judgement zone"....
The good news is you had support for an intervention and he went to detox.
the long road of recovery is one that will take all his time and strength for that first year...lots of work, with lots of help from professionals.
{On a side note (OT), my daughter was with her husband from 14 till 26, and somehow that last year or two he had a secret life- online dating services and addiction to video games etc....I wonder sometimes if turning around mid-twenties is when people just snap into what they really are feeling? }
The best thing you can do is learn about addiction, enabling and codependency....and take excellent care of yourself in mind,body and spirit. keep your interests and your life strong and independent.
Welcome to our group. Sorry you had to look for us, glad you found us.

Hi Maddie, and welcome!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Everyone on this site understands the roller coaster ride of emotions from living with an addict. You have come to the right place to vent your feelings, ask for advice, commiserate or celebrate with others, and just feel understood and supported through your ordeal.

As Blue already said, learn as much as you can about addiction and enabling, etc. Take time to be good to yourself, it's so important not to lose yourself in this turmoil. And always remember it is really up to your BF to do the work and walk the path to his recovery. You gave him a good start with intervention, the rest is up to him.

Peace,
Rose

Welcome, Maddie! I'm so sorry about this. You must be in shock. Everything is happening so quickly for you. Normally it takes quite a while between finding out, convincing the addict they need help, and locating beds in detox and rehab. That's incredible that everything came together so quickly and that he agreed to go.

Now that he's on his road to treatment, it's time for you to take care of yourself. You've been through a traumatic experience.

It's also time to get educated about this disease so you know what you are in for if you choose to stay together. If there's a family program at the rehab center, it's a good idea for you to attend. It's also a good time to decide what your boundaries are, such as under what conditions you are willing to stay together.

When you learn about the disease, you will find out what other potential shoes may be about to drop. Heroin addicts go through a lot of money. Sometimes they steal from loved ones. If you have any valuable electronics or jewelry or anything else that could be pawned, don't be surprised if they are gone. There may also be financial issues, such as missing money from savings accounts or credit cards with large balances from cash advances.

You'll also find that addicts very often decide they can handle recovery on their own and don't need to go to rehab. They get confident after they are done with detox. Your first boundary might be that if he does not go to rehab, you are walking away. That's almost a guarantee that he'll be back to using heroin very quickly.

After rehab, there is no guarantee that he's going to stay clean. Cravings can continue for years. Some people go from rehab to Suboxone or methadone programs. Others try to go completely clean. If that's under discussion, getting educated about the options and the potential for abuse or side effects is a good idea. Even if he's clean, it could take a long time for his brain to recover so he changes the bad habits that he picked up while using. He should also consider living in a sober house when he leaves rehab.

There's so much to learn about and think about. You've come to the right place.

Thank you both. I am planning on keeping a journal, I have a private one on my computer that I copy and pasted last night from. I'm learning new things every day. I am learning who the REAL friends are of my SO really are and I hope that the others will not harm his chance at recovery. (I am going to write a detailed journal about this in a bit because I really need advice on a confrontation I had with his best friend/boss about an hour ago)

I thank you for directing me in the right places. You know I was a drug and alcohol therapist for 6 months and studied this during my 4 years before I got a bachelors degree. NOTHING that I had learned prepared me for anything I am going through. The only thing I thank my degree for and knowing how to throw together a quick intervention with few ultimatums. I was lucky I had his family on board to help me.

I hope that you will continue to follow my blog and help me; I hope that I can return the favor.

@Donna; I thank you for taking a moment to respond. The appreciation of you just answering me is a ton.

I wanted to specifically respond to your topics about the detox and rehab. He has called me from detox and he is still immensely still in denial. He asked me how I was and although I know I should put a happy face on and pretend everything is fine because I do not want to jeopardize his sobriety in anyway I had to say just a few things, calmly though.

I responded, you know I'm sad, I'm broken. I have found out the last two years of my life have been a lie and I am alone to pick up the pieces. And he went on with "oh great now i'm going to have to find a place to live when I get out of here." I said no you are going to go to the rehab when you get out of detox. He said yeah but after that I will have to find a home. I said no when you get into rehab we are going to have to have therapy together and he said..

What do you need therapy for? ( he still does not see what he has done to me or to my life it is unbelievably, he has yet to say sorry, thank you or I love you)

So I dropped it and he said I don't want to be here my problem wasn't that bad. Some more denial.

And he asked what lies I think I found out. I said well I was told by a reliable source that our car was broken into by someone you owed money to. He still lied and said that is not the truth I do not know what you're talking about whoever told you that is lying. He started to get mad.

I know the truth and I hope that one day he will realize and accept that he lied and now its time to tell the truth. I worry that since he has been a professional liar to all the people in his life, some of us knowing way more than others me being the one that new the least, that he will have to re-learn how to tell the truth.

I feel guilt for calling people that I think might have information and getting the information from these people but I feel that I need to know the truth even if he isn't the one telling me. I feel i deserve to know what was actually going on in my life for two years even though during the intervention he said "i don't owe you anything." I know he is going to be mad when he finds out all the snooping around I have been doing but I feel it is what I have to do for my own sanity.

About me having to make choices for myself; during the intervention I slyly took the house key off of his key chain. He is right he has to find a place to live when he gets out because we need counseling, I need to gain my trust, he needs to re-date me. I have some other ultimatums that I don't know if he will agree too but it is the only way that I would ever be able to trust him. I am not telling him this until I know he is in the right state of mind to handle this and not freak out. Obviously we are far from that time.

I hope that one day he will admit his wrongs and stop pretending his problem is not as bad as it is and tell me the truths to all the lies he has told me.

I worry that because of the attitude and the lies that he is still telling while in detox that this is not the end to this problem and I worry that he may not want this help like he said he does. He just seems so angry that he has to be there and it seems like he just doesn't quite understand why he is there. Time will only tell.

I think it is way too soon to expect anything from him in the way of truth, apology, thanks etc. In fact, I'm surprised they even allowed him to call you at this point. They usually don't want them to have any contact with family for at least the first week or so, and then later they get a 5 minute call once a week. That was my experience anyway.

This will take time. Be patient. Two years of heroin does a lot of damage to the brain, it cannot be reversed in a few days of detox. Addicts will lie, manipulate, steal or whatever it takes to continue using. His mind needs to clear before you can have any serious discussions about what he has done to you, and in his case, there was an intervention, so the addict didn't even have time to think about whether or not he wanted the help.

He may be angry and resentful at this stage because you separated him from the only relationship that mattered, his relationship with heroin. Wait a few weeks, see where his head is at. There's always a chance he was not ready to stop. His denials sound like the beginning of relapse. Like Donna said, this all happened so quickly, and it usually does not happen like that.

You can hope for the best, but be prepared for the possibility of him leaving rehab. Know ahead of time what you're going to do if that happens.

I will keep you in my prayers.