Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My son is an addict of Heroin and Meth. He has been to rehab twice and kicked out both times because he started using while there.
This last time was only about 2 months ago. I told him that if he left that rehab that I would do nothing to help him. He is doing nothing to help himself, not looking for a job, not looking for a place to live. He is trying hard to break through my boundries and get me to help him. So far he hasn't succeeded.
Soon, I fear he will be living on the streets, begging for food and using again if he hasn't already started.
I am having a hard time distancing myself from his problems, after all he brought them on himself. I know in my head that I didn't cause this and can't cure it but its hard to internalize it.
I just feel so sad about all of this. Could he be a sociopath or are the drugs just making him appear to be one?
This last time was only about 2 months ago. I told him that if he left that rehab that I would do nothing to help him. He is doing nothing to help himself, not looking for a job, not looking for a place to live. He is trying hard to break through my boundries and get me to help him. So far he hasn't succeeded.
Soon, I fear he will be living on the streets, begging for food and using again if he hasn't already started.
I am having a hard time distancing myself from his problems, after all he brought them on himself. I know in my head that I didn't cause this and can't cure it but its hard to internalize it.
I just feel so sad about all of this. Could he be a sociopath or are the drugs just making him appear to be one?
It's unlikely that he's actually a sociopath. It's the drugs. A person who is addicted to drugs lives with their "lizard brain". That's the part of the brain that is pure survival instinct and no thought of consequences or what's right and wrong. They do what's necessary to get their next fix to stop the withdrawal symptoms. That's why they will lie, steal or even get physical in order to get their fix.
My son also became completely unable or unwilling to help himself. Depression was part of the issue and it still is.
I eventually decided there were things that I was willing to help him with. I will help him with anything that leads to sobriety. That means helping him to get to rehab or paying for outpatient treatment. My husband and I drove him across town every morning for a year to a methadone clinic.
He's now on Suboxone and has been off heroin for 3 years, so we co-signed a lease on an apartment on a bus line and helped him find a job that he managed to keep for almost a year. Now we're paying tuition for him to take two classes and we're helping him to find another part-time job. These are things we would have helped with even if he had never used heroin.
We are not demanding absolute sobriety, but we are encouraging it. He still smokes weed and drinks socially. If he were back on opiates or pills or synthetic marijuana, we would give him the choice between further treatment and getting cut off from our help.
I still worry that he's too dependent on us, but he has made tremendous progress over the years. Five years ago he was using heroin and every other drug he could get his hands on, getting into trouble with the law, he was kicked out of rehab twice, getting into huge fights (some physical) with us, stealing from us, etc. We also wondered if he was a sociopath.
All along I asked myself if I was enabling, but I think I was reverting to what I learned when my kids were very little. It was more a matter of re-directing him by showing that bad choices led to bad consequences and that rewards (food, a place to live, etc.) came from good choices (rehab, sobriety, getting a job, etc.) The key, though, was getting him off heroin and on to methadone so he could get back to thinking with his whole brain and really understand the concept of consequences.
I feel like addiction steals their brain and their soul. It takes over their choices, their heart and messes with their mind to come up with every justification for any immoral, illegal thing they want to do.
It isn't them. that is why they say love the addict, hate the addiction.
it isn't the child we raised, it isn't the person we know. it is like they are stolen, or kidnapped and a fake replica of them is in their place.
and we can do nothing except tell them we love them and NOT contribute in any way to making it worse. It sucks. it is scary.
and all the pain we are feeling? they are using to not feel any of that pain....and seeing us hurt is just one more reason to use.
that is my opinion.