Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Here we go again!

joenick1961
joenick1961
My son is an opiate abuser and went to rehab in January for a 30 day inpatient program, came out, used within a week and subsequently got clean in March (with the help of a Psychiatrist, Pshchotherapist and psych medications for depression/anxiety). He was doing extremely well for approximately 3 months but I have recently seen a change in him from time to time. He finally confessed that he through some xanax in the mix. I could easily tell when he wasn't "right'. He has been drinking and I have recently discovered that he is gambling again. The past couple of weeks he has been looking not right every other day or so. I know he is doing something but is now adamantly denying doing anything. I cannot go back to where we were prior to him getting clean. I almost had a breakdown and still have anxiety when thinking about what horrors he put us through. He is back at work but now is saying he is stressed. I see him sliding down a slippery slope. I don't know what to do. Do I through him out because I know he is using something other than his prescribed medications? Do I threathen him? I can't believe I am back here again. I am afraid if I don't act soon he will be right where he was a year ago. He hides behind this anxiety/depression thing? I know he suffers panic attacks but at what point is he going to lead a normal life without pills?
deleted_user
deleted_user
You can always confront him but you know where that will go. Why not tell him that if he wants to remain in your home you will need to attend his next visit to his therapist? You do not need to keep his secret - put it on the table. If he is not receptive to this offer, you will have your answer and it will be easier for you to make your plans. Best wishes to you and your family. - Jen
used2bhapeone
used2bhapeone
I feel like I wrote your post. My son is 20 years old. He has relapsed. He started smoking pot again. After he got out of rehab and was in a sober house He started using other drugs! He got kicked out and came home. He was clean for two months and has started again. He lost his license for three months and is getting it back in two weeks. And now this. He went to rehab instead of college. I was devastated. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I am a widow so I have no one to lean on.
I do not feel as though I could go through the roller coaster ride of last year again. However, I do not have the strength to kick him out either. I so want to believe there is another way.
When someone goes off of their diabetic diet the doctors adjust their medication and or treat him or her and send them home. They do not punish them. Diabetes and addiction are both diseases.
Wish I had a magic answer. Good luck to you and your family.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Joenick, we feel so helpless when we see them heading down that slippery slope of using, denying, manipulating. My addict would have trouble at work and it was always the boss's fault or some other co-worker. When he had falling out with roommates, guess what? It was the roommates fault. In high school, it was always the teacher's fault. He isn't taking responsibility for his addiction either.

Throwing our children out is a difficult decision to make but it is one many of us have made. If he is working, contributing to the house, and following rules, I would be hesitant to kick him out. Has he ever stolen from anyone in the house? That is typical of opiate addicts. That is also something I don't tolerate. My addict repeatedly stole from us and destroyed his room. As far as I know, people with other diseases don't do that. I guess it is all about how much you can put up with.

As many of us have said, you can't help your child if you are not healthy. Many times the best way to get healthy is to put some distance between you and the addict.

Take care.
joenick1961
joenick1961
Thank you all for your posts...believe me, they are truly helpful. It's good to have some insight from others that have gone through the same thing. He must have had a sense of us knowing what he is up to (he has a fear of being thrown out).... so we got another speech about how he messed up and is back on track. When will it be the last time? Can't he see that this is for him and not for us? Thank you all for your posts.
Jeshua333
Jeshua333
I can tell you what helped me, and I hope it helps you. Every time I think of my son I hand him over to God, (actually I imagine it being the ascended master Jesus), and then I hand all my worries and cares over to Jesus too. Then I hold on to the hand of Jesus. The last thing is that I see only good in my son. Imagine him thriving and doing well. It has been working miracles.
joenick1961
joenick1961
Believe me, I have bee praying on him since this whole nightmare began and it has been helping. I pray that the holy spirit touches him and helps him to make the right choices. It's not easy on us parents of addicts. I pray for us all.
nicolejrzgrl
nicolejrzgrl
You can approach him but you know and I know that he will just deny it. I don't want to scare you but I lost my brother 2yrs ago to Xanax and drinking. Let me ask you this who did your son get the Xanax from? was it prescribed? If so his doctors need to know about his addiction. I hope things get better for you your in my prayers.
plantlover
plantlover
Just saw your post. How's it going?

Prayers are being said for you and your family!
joenick1961
joenick1961
Plantlover....it seems that he wants to be clean and has so many hopes and dreams (going back to college, has a great job), but something always gets in his way. My worst fears came true last night when he went out to a memorial service for a friends parent. He came home high on perks......after going through his phone (because I know his pass code), turns out he was on cocaine, perks, alcohol and his prescription medications for his anxiety. Needless to say, my husband and I didn't get much sleep because we had to babysit him because he was so irrational and I didn't want him to hurt himself or burn our house down because he wanted to "cook something". He could not get up for work this morning, and I know this is going to be a problem. I cannot be responsible for him and his choices. He cannot try to be clean and get high every now and then. HE IS A DRUG ADDICT! I feel so broken right now. Don't know what the future holds for him :(
deleted_user
deleted_user
Good morning, my sister has a xazex adiction. and she alos drinks. the good news is that she has never been in trouble with the because of it. but i work at a rehab as a peer support worker and i know that she can be in trouble realy quickly.

she asked me and my husband to stay with us, we have 4 kids and the oldest is 5. the other thing is that my husband is a corrections officer at the county jail. so he as well as i work 3-4 days a week 12 hour days.

we told her she can stay with us, however she has to inpaitent for 60 days. and then she will have to do a day program for a year. During this time we only want her to work on her recovery. but i will toss her out if she cant follow my rules.

To all who have come here remember recovery is one of the hardest jobs in the world.
plantlover
plantlover
Oh I'm so sorry! That's no way to live for any of you.

Has he ever been to a live in program?

That's the only thing that helped my son. 18 months. Now almost 3 years clean and sober.

I'm still praying for you, hoping it gets better.
joenick1961
joenick1961
Thanks for your advice and much needed prayers. I think that may be our only option. As of now, he swears he won't do it again, but we all know that what they promise and what they do are two different things. I will keep you posted.
plantlover
plantlover
So true. I really think that even they believe they can beat addiction without any help. In their mind they are still the person they were before addiction.

It takes a lot of courage to admit defeat and accept help.
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