keep on doing the steps admit you are powerrlesss , give it to God and work through the steps . go to al anon. keep coming to groups like this. go see a counsellor. do what you have to do to let go. it's not easy and as a mom I don't even know if it's possible to completely let go but you must

i read all the Alanon books and then I read some books on buddhism....I went to a couple of meetings, but either I wasn't ready, or they weren't for me. (stupidly, I think in the beginning, I thought they would tell me how to get him to stop!)
Anyway, It took a whole lot of practice, and reminding myself that "this isn't happening to me, it is happening to him"
and probably, in all honesty, some of it came when I was fed up, tired out and out of ideas on how to make him change.
I also said the serenity prayer a whole lot.
I got a statue of a hand carved out of wood. I used to go and put my hand on that hand and visualize that I was handing my kid over to God. I also said that saying a whole lot: I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it."
when we realize that we don't steer the boat, but are only along for the ride.....I learned to let go....
and it is a skill we need to use for other family members without addiction issues, because we aren't in charge. ie, my daughter's marriage, divorce and where she decided to move to...my son's future wife's wedding venue choice....my son still smoking cigarettes, my husband sneaking food with his diabetes, my mom deciding to stay in her house at 85 instead of living with us, or in an independent living home....all not my choice, control....and I let it gooooooooo. (practice makes better)

Thank you. I am trying my best. Some days it feels easier than others.

Letting go to me is placing that person who we are powerless to help, into the Hands of God. Ask God to take control of him/her through prayer. It is all you can do and it is the Only thing you can do to give that person the best chance of survival, outside of an intervention.

The last thing you want to do is enable him because he needs to hit that "low" as quickly as possible.

God Bless!

I struggle with this as well. I went to my medical doctor a couple of months ago for a check up and mentioned to her that I had a son who was an addict. Turns out she had gone through dealing with her sister who was also an addict. She suggested I read, "Codependant No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie. I found this book very helpful. Short, easy read too!

Thank you everyone! I will look for that book as well. It's interesting, as well as unfortunate, how much material is out there.

I posted previously I know we don't have any control over the addict but does anything we say or do effect them.
All responses that I do agree with was...no.
I want people in my life that I effect (not control) and they effect me..
that is how I learn and grow.
Combine that with the serenity prayer and I know I must Let Go ...the addict is beyond me...only God can help.

For me, finally, I realized that the letting go meant just that LET IT GO.
I now practice controlling my thoughts. I try to let go of those worry, anger sad etc thoughts and feelings with no guilt. I focus instead on myself and my own personal growth.
By doing these things for me I have realized how I let his problem become my problem.
Most importantly! Go to therapy, Al-anon etc, but remember to actually put what you learn into practice.

I put him in God's hands. I learned that I had to totally stop enabling him. Meaning, give NOTHING of value that can be 'traded in exchange for' or 'pawned' for drugs. To love him and not the addict. To keep my conversation with him to a minimum. A sentence with no longer than 10 words. Say what I mean and mean what I say. Make BOUNDARIES was the ONLY way we could survive and STICK by those boundaries. Don't give in to manipulation or the lies or the pleas. Realize that I have NO control over this. On our addicts have the control. There is no reasoning with them, there is no making them WANT to get better. It is all in THEIR control.

Thanks, everyone. I think it's getting a little easier every day. I think his disease is progressing, I didn't know what it meant before but I am seeing it now. Letting go has become essential in order for his actions and words to stop hurting. Prayer is absolutely the only thing getting me through all of this :)