Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...
11 days ago my husband committed suicide. He had been battling with mental health issues and in the last year multiple triggers, including his father passing away from a heart attack, escalated his battle yo include domestic violence. After an altercation that ended up involving our three children I took the children and moved out. I needed to keep us safe while he hopefully attended to stabilizing himself. This didnt happen and after 3 fearful months and my vehicle being set on fire he took his life and left me and our three children 9, 8, and 9 months without a husband and father.
I acknowledge the relationship had many issues. and am struggling withthe feelings of missing him that have been going on for months now inflated by the fact he is gone.... and being so incredibly mad at him....
I cry every day and try to hid it so to put on a strong front for our children. i havent even been able to struggle through making his final arrangements .
It hurts so much....
One of the hard parts was taking my son to the funeral and him listening to his father give a eulogy talking about what a "wonderful mother she was".
Rather than get discussion over what a good parent is, I talked about the difference between Intention and Reality. I talked to my son about how hard she Wanted to be a good parent, and that how wanting something and making it happen are two different things. I talked about her pain. I talked about what she did to deal with her pain. Then I talked about Better ways that she might have handled her pain.
I kept (and actually keep) reflecting back to what she'd accomplished and how she wanted to be a good mother. I also keep talking about better things to do (from parenting classes, to hobbies, to how to handle frustrations, etc, etc, etc). As such, my kids have a really solid basis for Other Choices. They have compassion for her, while at the same time never wanting to become what she was. A caring for her, while knowing that she could have done much better.
I made it clear that it was okay to both hate her, love her, not care about her, and pretty much the whole thing. But NOT okay to act out on those feelings in whatever way they wanted. Chores still needed done, homework, school, etc.
I don't know if you want to try to thread the same needle I did. Or if my words will help or not.
Hugs, Patti