I would suggest reaching out to someone that can help you. Someone you trust. There is a way through depression, it is a hard and long road.
We are all here as survivors of suicide. I've had 3 in my family. I myself have attempted it 3 times, i know how low you have to be to get to that point.
Please seek help. Your death would affect so many people and not just for a month or a year. They will carry the pain and loss for the rest of their lives. (as you will know if you have been affected by suicide - i don't know as you haven't said.)
Seek help please.

Please, please open up to someone and get some help. I know, I know, its what everyone tells you to do......BUT, you cannot control these thoughts, and you need help to cope with them. You cannot do this on your own or by yourself, they are probably not just going to go away......please seek out help. there is suicide hotlines, ready, willing and able people that can give you so many helpful things, that can help put these fellings and emotions in a better perspective. Please seek a doctors help, tell them what you feel, like the worst case scenario.

i feel the same way as you..i was 17 when i first attempted suicide and now im 30 and stil suicidial...my last attemp, they resecitated me, and i passed out on my legs and cut the circulation in my legs, and had to have 4 surgeries on them, now i have huge ugly scars, neuropathy, and drop foot and use a walker. i know how you feel, and would love to chat with you maybe soon, maybe some how we can help each other? hope to talk to you soon, bye, tracey

I was suicidal from age 13-23. I went thru many years of no depression but then it hit again and so I'm on anti-depressants, which help a lot. It's hard to give advice because sometimes you just can't help what you feel.
Do you have a relationship with God? Have you ever been able to read what the Bible says about how he feels about you? Because in his eyes, you are perfect, beautiful, wonderful and worthy of life. That's why he gave it to you. He also puts people in your life that are helpful. I agree with the others - finding a person to talk to makes a difference. Someone who cares and listens. Sometimes it's a counselor, sometimes just a friend. Even being on here might help. Know you aren't alone, but that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. These feelings will not last forever and they don't define you.
You were created with a purpose - and in time, that purpose will help you feel like life is worth living.
And about your feelings of living on borrowed time - none of us knows how much time we have, so it's pointless to worry or think about it. We have time today to live the best we can. If that means doing something good for ourselves or others, so be it. If it means living out the routines of life that we have created, so be it. But in whatever we do, we have to hold on to hope. Don't give up. Life without you is so much worse than life with you.

Jake, I will talk to you as if you were my own son, who we lost a year ago to suicide....depression from his marital problems..also, we blame the abrupt withdrawal from zoloft....there are so many questions and yes, unspeakable grief. Your parents will be devastated if you were to carry out any suicide plans. It has crushed me to the very heart of my soul. I cry every single day...for over a year now....my tears have filled the ocean. I have felt like a failure as a parent because I had no idea the depth of his emotional pain. He did share with me many things. When he was a teen he went through a terrible time with rejection and being bullied. I took him to counseling and prayed to God that He would watch over him and guide him.

God loves you and has a purpose for you in this life. If you can find a pastor or someone who is a counselor...I pray that you do. I wish I could stop this pain for you...stop these constant nagging thoughts of self harm.....just know I am praying for you tonight. I promise I will ask for God to hold you close, Jake. During this tragedy, I have had many questions and know that some things I will not know this side of heaven. God has sent me a peace that passes all understanding. I, too, wanted to die when I learned of my wonderful son's death. I have begged God to take me.....but, He has not. I will go one day and will be reunited with my son. Until that day, I have things God wants me to do. I am His. I pray for your safety and a sound mind to conquer all the battles in your life. If you are not connected with God....or know Christ as your Savior, please go to the site....www. rbcministries.org....there are questions and answers there just for you.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and thanksgiving, make your requests known to God and He will give you the peace that passes all understanding to guide your heart and mind in Jesus Christ." Phil. 4:6.7

You are a special guy, sweetie. Please pray.

Love and God's grace,
Dale, Brandon's Mom

Jake, I am a mother of 4. My oldest daughter, now 24 has tried over 20 serious suicide attempts, even as a single mom with a baby. She has been hospitalized many times and has been in care since she was 18. I spent 2 yrs raising her daughter . Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse my son, Ryan who had just turned 20 in Dec shot himself Jan 17th, 2008. He NEVER talked about it , was always happy, smiling,laughing, talking about the future.It was such a kick in the gut because I had expended so much energy on my daughter as 8 Dr's said she would definiately be successful soon, all I could think about was keeping her alive and taking care of my granddaughter , she needed a mom! My son sent me a txt that said "I love you mom" and a couple of minutes later "goodbye". I paniced and tried calling & txting. Never to get an answer. Yes, I too wanted to die after losing my son, the pain was all consuming. But how could I dish that pain to others to carry? My daughter has since stopped trying to commit suicide, feeling the pain herself that it causes so very many people and seeing the finality of it. She has learned that yes, it is truly permanent! You can't change your mind later. And believe me , you will feel better someday and feel that you have everything to live for. You have a very difficult struggle right now, I don't downplay that at all, but please tell everyone, I mean EVERYONE in your life how you are feeling so that you can receive help from them all, they will suprise you with how much they want you in their lives. Don,t, I beg you, suffer in silence!!!! I wish I could reach out and hug you right now< I don't ever want another young person to take their life, future, what could be, ever again. We ALL have something wonderful to add to this world and you won't be able to do that if you are not here! Please, Please, talk to everyone, talk to a professional who specializes in suicide prevention, many psychologists aren't well trained in this area, but most of all don't hold, it inside, reach out!

Have you ever had counselling? Do you know the source of your depression? Is it because of the life you have experienced in the past or is it something that maybe an imbalance of hormones?

I think by identifying why you are feeling this way, you will be able to find a solution. That seems like a really simple answer, and I know that this is far from simple.

Our bodies are so sensitive to so many different environmental factors. There are little things you can do that will help you feel better, although it is no solution. Things include eating a clean diet, excercise, and fresh air. This will help you to cope, while you are trying to figure out the source cause of your depression.

Please don't give up. You really don't know the devastation it causes for people who know you. You may not even realize all the people who will be affected. I know it is hard to go on each day, I struggle through each day myself. But you have a reason for being here...A purpose, that you just haven't discovered yet. One day you will see what it is you are meant to do.

Take care.

i just want to say a big thank you to all of your kind replies they have helped me greatly i really apprietiate them. all of you are in my thoughts and i hope you are all well. thank you for taking the time to reply. god bless jake