My wife and I separated in the spring. I think this was the trigger event that lead to her being diagnoised as BiPolar.

As I was cleaning out her things, i found some of her writings. It was very clear she was not taking her meds after she was released from the mental facility.

I also remember when I took her back in a week before she died. She didnt look at all the same person. She was thin and frail.

When I read thru some of her email from the past year I could see the change associated with the BP.

I have lost several family members to suicide. The most important was my middle son. I wouldn't say that there were things about him that I didn't know who he was as a person but I wasn't aware of situations/issues happening to him, or perhaps the intensity of those things.

My father was who he was. Period. No surprises there considering when his brother commited suicide decades earlier, my father vowed to die the same way. He was a bastard when he was alive and he died one. He had abused me terribly in every way. The positive that came out of that was that he left me almost everything financially except for the mobile home he shared with his girlfriend and one life insurance policy he had for her. He had eliminated my brother from his will, but my brother had repeatedly told our father he didn't want a penny of his money. Anyway, without the money I inherited, I have no idea where I would be as I was able to purchase a small house and get an almost new car. It was enough money to do those things but not so much I could go on vacations or waste any, which is fine. My ex-husband said that it was my father's way of trying to buy his way into heaven. Who knows.

I have 2 other sons who have both attempted and I know more about them than they think I know. But I'm not so naive as to think I know everything.

After all that's happened I am not the same. I go to get my groceries late at night. I'm not tolerant of people behind me that want to push the stick that divides are things to the point that I go home with bread that is so smashed my toaster can't swallow it. I want to take that stick and hit them upside the head. THEY should have left earlier!
I don't like alot of people around me at all.. I was always outgoing. I'm tired of all the bad advice. Pull youself up by your boot-strps and go on......When you ask how, nobody can tell you. THEY haven't been there!!!!

Do you really know what people think or if you really want to know?

For a long time after my son died, when I was finally able to get myself out to places like the mall, I'd see all these people laughing and enjoying each other's company and I wanted to yell, "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!? DON'T YOU KNOW MY SON JUST DIED?" Crazy, I know, but it's how I felt. I also wanted to go up to new moms with little ones in a stroller, or holding their kids by the hand and tell them to make the absolute most of their time together because you never know when it will end. Obviously you can't say things like that because if everyone worried about that, they'd be miserable.

I have neighbors who have 3 great kids, ages 8, 14 and 17. The mom is a little over the top in the rules and discipline dept (she's the kind of person that has a lot of road rage - screams things before she's had a chance to think things through). I want to badly to go to her and say please, choose your battles carefully, know your children are soaking all this in like little sponges, and while I firmly believe in rules and consequences, being over the top tough on them may not yield the results she expects. It's to the point where they a lot of times are terrified of her. i work out in my garage with the door wide open and the kids love coming over here just to hang out and talk.

An inspirational speaker I once listened to said, "Remember, a wet towel left on the bed is not the same as committing an assault or something. Meaning yes, remind them once again to hang up the towel, but in the grand scheme of things, is that really what she wants them to focus on? If mom comes home after a bad day at work, brings that bad mood home with her. So many times I've seen her pull into her garage, and the kids faces just sink. You don't scare and threaten people into respecting you, you have to earn it.

Does this even belong in this post? I haven't a clue. Just remember to put things in perspective. What if your son or daughter walks out the door today, and he/she never returns. Do you really want the last interaction you had with them be a fight or a threat, or a crappy mood that has nothing to do with them. I'm so glad the last thing my son and I said to each other was "I love you." You can never tell the people in your life that you love them too much. Or offer encouragement. Or point out something they've done that is good or amazing. Why are we so quick to criticize or put down. So your teenagers hair is neon green today. It's not going to be neon green forever. Heck, half the fun of having neon green hair is to bug your parents. Don't let them see that you're bugged. Love them, hug them, tell them they are the most important thing in the world to you. You can hate what they're doing, but love them more than words can say. You can agree to disagree when appropriate.

Heck, the same thing goes for spouses.

I LOVE THE ABOVE POST! DON'T LET YOUR LAST WORDS BE HARSH. GREAT

Since the suicide of your loved one, have you found out things that make you feel that in some ways you didn't know them?

Yes, I found out that my dad had been having an afair with a woman for years. Money is missing and found money hidden in his office. He was so secretive and deceptive...I feel like my family came last and the mistress first. Oh side note the mistress died a year before he committed suicide

So sorry Fhawn - would have given you a hug, but can't because your profile is private. So here it is:

-hug-