Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...
I took the suggestion of a friend and joined this site. Here is the reason why:
Yea it was a shock to all of us who knew him. He seemingly had it all! A high paying job, with an excellant retirement, plenty of money in the bank from buying and selling things which was his hobby, a nice home, a beautiful wife and a 12 year old daughter who was a straight A student.
He was a nice guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it We went to Florida several times with him vacationing, and we always had a great time.
He had a temper and was taking medication for it. I don't think I ever saw his temper but apparently his wife and daughter did. They were afraid of that temper and would do things behind his back and lie to him. A few weeks ago he caught them in a lie and lost his temper and slapped his wife so the daughter called the cops and he was put in jail. His coworker bailed him out and one of the bail conditions was a protective order in which he was not allowed to go near his wife and daughter until the court date which was about a month away. He came to visit with me last week and told me about his fears of going to jail and losing his job over it. I suggested he contact an attorney who would be able to help alleviate his fears and anxieties. I also told him he was welcomed to stay with me in my spare bedroom and offered him food and drinks which he turned down. I told him if there was anything he needed to let me know.
A few days later I called him and he told me he was glad I called. He said he had very little sleep Again I offered a room for him. He said he would come but never did. I told him I was worried about him and just wanted to check in and see how he was doing.
Before I hung up I told him to hang in there and he said he would try. Those were the last words we ever spoke.
Yesterday his best friend came to my door and asked if I had seen him. I told him no and to keep me posted. At that point I was extremely worried. His friend told me that my brother in law sent a text to his wife and asked her if she wanted a divorce because if she did, he was going to end it now, he didn't want to live anymore. I don't know what the answer was and can only imagine.
Yesterday afternoon I was working in my shop when I stopped for a break and deided to text my brother in laws friend and ask him if he heard anything. He didn't answer right away because he drove to my house and said he wanted to give me the news in person.
I think it is sad when people do things at the spur of the moment that has lifetime repercussions. I have been told that if someone has a plan to kill themselves, there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop them, it's just a matter of time. I can't help but wonder, if there was anything I could have said or done that would have prevented this from happening. But thats me. I am my own worst critic but I always try to let it go and leave it to my Higher Power and then I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have said the serenity prayer over and over and I think it has helped some.
But I will miss my wife's brother a great deal. He had a sense of humor and was extremely nice and giving. He loaned us $300 so we could buy our dog and we paid him back just before all of this happened.
Yea it was a shock to all of us who knew him. He seemingly had it all! A high paying job, with an excellant retirement, plenty of money in the bank from buying and selling things which was his hobby, a nice home, a beautiful wife and a 12 year old daughter who was a straight A student.
He was a nice guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it We went to Florida several times with him vacationing, and we always had a great time.
He had a temper and was taking medication for it. I don't think I ever saw his temper but apparently his wife and daughter did. They were afraid of that temper and would do things behind his back and lie to him. A few weeks ago he caught them in a lie and lost his temper and slapped his wife so the daughter called the cops and he was put in jail. His coworker bailed him out and one of the bail conditions was a protective order in which he was not allowed to go near his wife and daughter until the court date which was about a month away. He came to visit with me last week and told me about his fears of going to jail and losing his job over it. I suggested he contact an attorney who would be able to help alleviate his fears and anxieties. I also told him he was welcomed to stay with me in my spare bedroom and offered him food and drinks which he turned down. I told him if there was anything he needed to let me know.
A few days later I called him and he told me he was glad I called. He said he had very little sleep Again I offered a room for him. He said he would come but never did. I told him I was worried about him and just wanted to check in and see how he was doing.
Before I hung up I told him to hang in there and he said he would try. Those were the last words we ever spoke.
Yesterday his best friend came to my door and asked if I had seen him. I told him no and to keep me posted. At that point I was extremely worried. His friend told me that my brother in law sent a text to his wife and asked her if she wanted a divorce because if she did, he was going to end it now, he didn't want to live anymore. I don't know what the answer was and can only imagine.
Yesterday afternoon I was working in my shop when I stopped for a break and deided to text my brother in laws friend and ask him if he heard anything. He didn't answer right away because he drove to my house and said he wanted to give me the news in person.
I think it is sad when people do things at the spur of the moment that has lifetime repercussions. I have been told that if someone has a plan to kill themselves, there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop them, it's just a matter of time. I can't help but wonder, if there was anything I could have said or done that would have prevented this from happening. But thats me. I am my own worst critic but I always try to let it go and leave it to my Higher Power and then I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have said the serenity prayer over and over and I think it has helped some.
But I will miss my wife's brother a great deal. He had a sense of humor and was extremely nice and giving. He loaned us $300 so we could buy our dog and we paid him back just before all of this happened.
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
I am guessing that in your situation he decided to do this because of a fear of loosing everything he had spent his life building. All we can really do is speculate and guess.
People that do this are very troubled and full of pain. They see it as there only excape from the pain and hope for forgivness. I lost my brother Christmas day and I hope and pray he is at peace now.
Hope your heart isnt to heavy and you can find peace too.
Mentally sound people do not commit suicide. Think about the pain you've had in your lifetime, perhaps very difficult intervals: did suicide ever enter your mind? I know I have not had an easy life but never ONCE did I consider taking my life. Your brother in law had an underlying illness. His anger was a symptom. Perhaps he was bipolar. This illness doesn't present in the way we expect: "manic" phase isn't about going shopping or talking non-stop. In many people, the manic phase causes extreme anger, in some it causes hallucinations, and in most it causes inability to sleep. It is then followed by depression, profound in some. Rapid cycling Bipolar disorder means these fluctuations occur more frequently. This is a living hell. And the worst part of it is this: people who are mentally ill DON'T KNOW IT, can't acknowledge it; it takes constant repetition of disasters for people to come to terms with this reality about themselves. Some never get to this point.
You did nothing, nor was there anything you could do. It's normal for us to go over and over the things that occurred when such an apparently "unnecessary" tragedy happens. But there's absolutely nothing you could have done to help this man. He didn't want to be helped, perhaps he didn't feel he needed help. He just wanted out, away from his torment and self loathing (which seems a part of mental illness). This is a depth of emotional pain that no one can fathom, no matter how painful one's life has been. It cannot compare to the mental torment of the mentally ill.
jill
When when my brother in law mentioned to me several weeks ago that he didn't want to live anymore, I didn't take him seriously and I just remembered that about 20 years ago I had a very close friend who said the same thing to me and at that time I also did not take him seriously. Shortly thereafter, he shot himself. I was devastated then as well.
I think he was so infuriated with what his wife and daughter did to him, he wanted them to feel the same emotional pain he was feeling. Plus I think his meds had alot to do with his mental disposition as well as a lack of sleep and work related stress. He plowed snow for the State and we had a couple of consecutive snowstorms and I am sure the physical and mental durass was overwelming.
I just wish I did more to help him. Ahh well too late now! I hope he is heaven with his mom and dad and looking down at us and seeing all the heartache his actions caused.
God Bless
I agree, normal people do not commit suicide. Although he appeared normal on the outside, I am sure there was alot going on inside his head that he either would not or could not verbalize. Maybe his marital problems and the issues with his daughter triggered his suicide but if it wasn't that then it probably would have been something different down the road. I think his fear of possibly losing everything he spent his life working for , or a good part of it, made him feel like he was pinned in a corner.
It's just a dam shame. He was only 41.
Giving it up to your Higher Power is the best and honestly, the only thing you can do for yourself. You did try to help him with the situation he was in. He chose what he thought was his only solution. The mind is a powerful tool and if not operating properly, unfortunately, can be self destructing.
Your brother in law should be remembered for who he was and not for his final actions. May you all find the strength to be there for one another and most importantly, for his young daughter. As upsetting as all of this is, whether it was a result of an imbalance, the contributing factor of medication, it honestly is no ones fault, including his own.
Continue with the Serenity prayer...... continue to ask for the help you need from your Higher Power to be able to help the rest of your family in this time of sorrow.
And know that we here at DS will continue to pray for all of you.
I keep telling her that normal people don't kill themselves no matter how bad things get. She sent flowers yesterday so hopefully she will have a change of heart by saturday.
will keep ou all posted.
God Bless!
She hugged his lifeless body before we left the home and said goodbye.
There were alot of people there, alot of tears, alot of sadness.
My brother in law was suppose to come stay with me on the day he killed himself. He never got here. :(