Mine expected me to fix them and put up with whatevery they wanted to do to me.

One wanted to play the big person with dad. Purchased flight tickets. Wanted me to SPLIT with them.
PROBLEM: Sib purchased ticket for her sig other. So I'd be paying for dad's ticket in WHOLE!

Other one: in car accident. Triangulated with hubby (send only him emails accusing me of doing bad things due to brain damage). Ruined birthdays holidays and on and on. last time I cried all day, I blocked emails.

I forgot the times when I was in the hospital and they would ignore me totally. But if the tables were turned, I got the riot act if I was not dropping everything to fly and be with them.

They love to ruin holidays that's why I don't go see them for the holidays. I go before Christmas and try to have a nice peaceful Christmas at home. It still hurts. I didn't cause it Can not change it Can't cure it

I am new to this group; but not new to estranged family members. It has helped me already to read what other members have posted here and I hope that I can help myself to get over the hurt/put downs, etc. done to me at one time or another.

While reading here, I understand that Narcissism is what some family may suffer from. What is none of my family members are diagnosed "officially" with that? Besides practicing positive affirmations, what else can I do to help me overcome the guilt that seems to creep in whenever my family members put me down or worse, twist my words around?

My 27 year old son came to visit me over a week ago and asked for a little financial assistance if I could spare about $50. I told him I could give him his Christmas monies early and not to expect anything at Christmas then because I am on disability funds. Well, I gave him the monies and during the time he spent with me on that Thursday, he brought up his younger sister and how he believes it is wrong that she ignores his texts/phone calls. His younger sister is 26 and works 2 jobs. I told him that I miss her too and wish that she would talk about anything that any of us has done to cause any type of anger, hurt or what have you. Unbeknown to me, the very next day (Friday), I find out that he sent some texts to his sister saying that he believed her to be "unintelligent" because she ignores certain family members. Instead of him making things any better, my youngest daughter will not be coming to visit me for Christmas. Then after I asked my son why he would approach Katie with such statements knowing that she already doesn't contact us much, he twisted what I said and I quote "What, you blaming me now for Katie getting angry at you?"

I will be alone for Christmas and am doing my best to deal with the whole mess. Then my oldest daughter decided to voice how mad she is at her brother because he owes her some monies. I explained to her to let it go and pray about it.

My question for others is, "How can I keep from blaming myself and what has worked out for others in regards to their coping without their loved ones being around, calling them or speaking to them"? Am I to blame for all of this if I have some type of vocal cord disability and sometimes do not speak much? If I try to explain myself, my youngest daughter basically says that I am making up excuses and that it is all nonsense. My youngest daughter now does not know who or what to believe. Sad to say that all the adult children feel the need to repeat what the other one says; but cannot see what they do or say contributes to part of the ongoing battle.

All I know is that I have been praying about it and for me I have not found the "exact key solution" that works for the whole family. Their father passed away from Pancreatic Cancer in 2003, so it is like everyone is just going their separate ways. I love my family; but what else can I do to show them a healthy love so that they can also heal?

Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have felt like giving up; but know that is not the answer. Just want to be able to communicate with all my family without them pointing fingers, etc.

HELLO CHATTY, WELCOME AND GLAD YOU FOUND COMFORT READING OTHER FRIENDS HERE EXPERIENCES, JUST LOVE YOUR CHILDREN AND HELP AS YOU CAN, BE HONEST WITH THEM AND DON'T BLAME YOURSELF, CHILDREN GO THEIR OWN WAYS AND NEED TIME TO GROW UP AND UNDERSTAND HOW HARD LIFE CAN BE AND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO LOVE AND RESPECT EACH OTHER, HOPE THINGS GET BETTER, DO SHARE WHEN YOU NEED, LOVE LUCY**

I have given up on my Mom and youngest brother. They are both very negative, hurtful, cause trouble and never accept blame for what they do or try to change it. My mother calls one sibling and runs another sibling down. Then gets on the phone again to another sibling and runs previous one down. She says one thing that sounds good but always does the opposite. She is 67 and just last month got arrested for pepper spraying and assaulting a neighbor she was arguing with. She never learns her lesson and just keeps doing the same wrong things over and over even when you tell her not to because it only causes trouble. She never has anything POSITIVE to say.

HELLO LEE ,SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR MUM BEHAVIOUR, ALSO IT IS WRONG TO SIDE WITH ONE CHILD AND HURT ANOTHER, I WENT THROUGH IT, MAYBE MY MOTHER NEVER REALISED HOW MUCH SHE HURT ME, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO LOOK FOR YOURSELF, IF IT HURTS ,CUT IT OUT, I HAVE , AND FEEL NO REGRET , THIS IS BEST FOR ME AND THEM, MY MOTHER DIED SOME YEARS AGO, AND IT IS WHATS BEST FOR YOU, LOVE LUCY**

I forgave my parents for the things they did to me when I was young but that wasn't enough for them. They wanted me to accept and support the lies they made up which twisted everything around to be my fault. For example, my parents scammed me out of my savings when I was trying to go to college and threw me out of their home. Now I am supposed to smile and nod while they tell me and other people that I refused to go to college because I was a difficult child who always had to learn things the hard way.

Not going to happen. Forgiving them was a huge mistake. They just saw it as me being weak and stupid and letting them do whatever they wanted to do to me. They never loved me and they never will. Once I realized that, I walked away.

I am In a similar situation. I was in a legal battle with my brother over the financial abuse he had over my late father, I won my fair share and he screamed for an hour in the lawyers office. Now he is calling me on the phone and I know he is abusive. I do not answer the phone and erase the messages before I listen to him. He is very volatile and I must keep a healthy distance from him. I just hope he is not violent. he lives 7 hours away and has turned my mom against me. ..meanwhile my kids are graduating top of their class and no one will be there to celebrate it except for my husband and their godfather.

Sofie,
I can relate with you about the brother issue. When me and my brother were little kids, we were very close friends but there were times he would come into the house, after being in a fight with his friends and verbally torture me, belittling me and comparing me with the boy's sister. He would say things like at least she knows how to cook (I was only 8 or 9 years old), whenever he got into trouble, I would get in trouble too (even if I was not in the mess). I can also list several things but what is the use. It's not worth talking about and I too don't hate my brother but I hate his behavior.

In fact I was mistreated by most of my siblings. They would say that it's not true. It's today it's hitting me harder than any other time. I'm trying not to let the depression hit me where the sun don't shine.....

HELLO HERE WE ARE SHARING BAD EXPERIENCES, ABUSE GOING ON WITHIN THE FAMILY, MAYBE THE PARENTS WERE NOT GUIDING THE CHILDREN IN THE RIGHT WAY BEING BAD PARENTS THEMSELVES, WE CANOT CHANGE THE PAST BUT WE CAN BE KIND TO OURSELVES, FIND SOMEONE TO SUPPORT US WHEN THE BAD MEMORIES HIT OR JUST SHARE HERE, WEP DON'T GET DEPRESSED, YOU DESERVE JOY AND HAPPINESS, TRY HARD TO LET GO AND MOVE ON, LOVE TO ALLL***

My brother terrified me as a child. He was 4 years older than me and got some weird pleasure from hearing me scream and cry. I thought this was how all siblings acted so I put up with it. When we became adults, he couldn't scare me anymore so he wrote me out of his life. He got married and he, his wife and his children treated me like the enemy. Found out he does this to his own children now as well. The door is open on this end though, with conditions. Mom and Dad are gone so I don't have to worry about them being stressed out anymore, but I will not put up with his family's lousy attitude toward me either. It's a shame because he is my only sibling. I think he blames me for his rotten childhood. Ya like I had it so great. We both had it tough but I forgave, he didn't If he wants to wallow in the past, he is free to do so. I no longer care. What kind of jerk holds onto stuff that happened 50 years ago anyway. Go get therapy. I should be the one complaining since he was the abuser.

My problem with this is I have become apathetic toward family in general. Many around me don't know my story so they don't understand why I'm not into parties and cookouts and all the other crap families do for no reason sometimes. I am at peace on my own right now but it does irk me when I see a normal family helping each other and talking to each other like human beings. I never had that. How come? Luck of the draw I guess. My parents never should have had children, is all I can come up with.

I had children and tried to do the opposite of what my parents did. Unfortunately, I married a man who had no clue about caring for a family and I was always undoing some mess he would get us into. Didn't know he would be this way since all he ever did was talk up his family. I thought they'd be great. Turned out to be pretty much the same thing everyone else on here is complaining about He died almost 4 years ago. My daughter killed herself last May, she was the closest I had to feeling love like family. I think the idea of family bites, but I'm trying to maintain a decent relationship with my two remaining children. So far so good, I think, who knows.

I feel your pain. You are not alone. Its not your fault. I found God and thats the only way i can keep going.

I feel your pain. You are not alone. Its not your fault. I found God and that is the only way i can keep going.

I have given up because having tried kindness, mercy and forgiveness, keeping my own feeling inside and my mouth shut didnt work. I dont even understand why I am always hated by people who i am kind to. My husband says its them. I have a forgiving loving heart and let my sister back in only to be told what a piece of crap i am and brought up me being abused and my early in life drug use but She was the one who abused me and got me started on drugs and was sleeping with the pastors son but somehow shes still better than me. Ive tried with my daughter who decided she had a perfect life til we cut her off financially and now wont speak to us or let us see our grandson. She came to florida for the fourth and never called but went to see her abusive dad and post photos by the pool. I am giving up because I have PTSD from being molested and abused and cant handle any more rejection. I know with time ill be able to leave this behind. I am getting stronger but need to hear from other people who can relate.