It became simple. Most (but not all) of my family of origin isn't able to honor my boundaries. It's been three-four years since my sisters and I stopped talking; with exception of holidays, I don't miss them. About two-three years since one Uncle and I stopped talking. I'm better off without their judging, manipulation, heckling, demoralizing behavior. As we all are!

My mother and sisters narcissism became too much for me to deal with. They don't like the boundaries I have set. Sadly they don't want to celebrate the holidays with the rest of the family. I forward to a nice peaceful holiday.

Good that you will have peace for the holidays Donna. I will too. Spending some time with my mom's brother (my uncle). He is estranged from her longer than I am. We have always got along great. I had set boundaries too but they were walked right over as if they didn't exist.

I am glad you can spend the holidays with your uncle. My mom and sister totally don't get the boundary thing either.

Narcissist rarely get it- they don't think what they are doing is wrong- why should they change?

Just plan ignorance also "rarely gets it." I meet last Sunday with my two sisters and niece for about 4 hours. Same old sarcasm, belittling, making fun of other family members. I felt how much growth I've chosen to make my life more peaceful. Both my sisters stared at me in shock when I told them I'm pursuing my undergrad in D&A & or child-therapy; to possibly become a counselor. My Aunt was there for about an hour, ironic how both my sisters were on "best behavior" when she was present. I told her Monday; she laughed. My Aunt and I get along great.

Glad to hear you want to pursue your undergrad. I saw my sister last week when mother was in the hospital . They
started the slamming and belittling right in the hospital. I finally left and made the 2 hour drive home. Then I was told
all the things they didn't like about me when I was there. It is a no win situation. I am thankful to be back home where I have peace.

Sometimes it appears to me that family feel they have a license to be cruel because they are family. Mocking others, tearing them down, and pointing fingers is not family.

A family listens, learns from one another, helps each other with support and truly has your back. Unfortunately, most families do not have this dynamic. But we are "cycle breakers" looking forward to changing those dynamics and re-invent our own families.

We are ALL worthy of respect, kindness, support, love and acceptance.

EFF

I gave up on my brother because he abused me physically and emotionally when I was a kid. He showed me no love. He would terrorize me and break all my things in my room on purpuse, put bugs in my bed and got his friends to shoot me with beebee guns, to name a few. I could list hundreds of things he said and did that scarred me. He even knew his friend was molesting me but let this go on for years and never stepped in. Even after all the abuse, I loved him through out it all. All I wanted was a loving protecting older brother who would talk with me about our parents who had mental illness. We grew up and without ever talking about anything, we tried to be friends when I was 18- him 22. After a couple of years of being superficially civil to each other, he started to emotionally abuse me again by making fun of my life and my choices. He would laugh at me and look down on me. He has always hated me, deep down, and in thinking about it over the many years, i think he's jealous at my capacity to heal and to love. He doesn't have the heart I do. I stopped talking to him completley because he was not willing to talk about his abuse towards me when we were kids and he wanted to keep doing it as adults. The only thing he said as an adult about the way he treated me was : " I was a kid, get over it, It was so long ago." My heart sunk and i cried and cried, went into a deep dark depression. I still love him but I love me more. And i will never let him hurt me again!

Its time for you to blossom Sofie! Leave bro-bro and keep heading towards a life worth living for yourself. Maybe down the road bro-bro will have a revelation of his own.

EFF

Mine would have to be the fact that I was beat down and it built up and built up until I could no longer take it and I snapped I said hurtful things to them but they did much worse to me. I to have a controlling, argumentative mother who get's nothing wrong and is smarter then the world. I have been criticized I am a nurse but apparently know nothing about medical makes sense right? My sister is an abuser and she is younger then me and she also takes up some of my mothers traits. I 3 months ago quit talking to all of them and have never felt better. I was an emotional and physical abused child I am shocked that I am not like them. My Great Grandparents raised me though so I did see another side of what a loving family is.

I gave up, when I realized,...we are strangers to each other. We have nothing in common, except for your deceased parents.

I stopped talking to my mother's side of the family because they are just a bunch of trailer trash jerry springer hill billies from West virginia and Kentucky. I can't take the gossip/drama anymore so its been years since i talked to them. No matter how hard i tried to be nice and kind and compassionate they would choose to view me in a negative light. So i said fuck it! You don't like me. Nothing i do makes you like me. So i disappeared!

I like your idea of disappearing. I think I will try disappearing I doubt I will be missed until they need something.

They abandoned me several dozen times when I needed help the most. The past few decades I have been bullied by my family as well. I couldn't go through with any more abuse and mistreatment. I am where I need myself to be in order to heal and move on with my life so I can focus on my own family.