Hi everyone! My name is Connor I'm quite new to this, and forgive me if this perhaps sounds like somewhat of an extremely long rant, but this is me letting out a deep resentment which I'm finding hard to cope with and understand truly if my resentment and anger is just and nessesery.

I am 25 years old now and it has honestly been so many years since what happened did happened, but over the past few years of my adult life as iv slowly matured and come to realise myself on what it means to be an adult iv had this growing burning resentment towards my parents, on a number of occasions on how they behaved and treated earth other, specifically how they behaved in front of me and my two younger brothers.

I'd like to firstly just point out and make this clear that my parents treat me very well, they support me in my life and show they care about my well being, but as I said before as iv grown and come to understand how to behave and act as what I perceive to be a rational person I look back at how my parents behaved in the past at a point where they were older than I am now and I look back in anger and frustration at them.

the reason I am reaching out here and explaining my situation to you all is because if possible I deeply wish to know if my anger is justified, and if so I would happily listen to any advice anyone could give on what steps to take to deal with it.

This is just a quick summery so you can understand the kind of family I come from.

I come from a somewhat emotionally stunted family, I could never really talk about personal things with my dad and my mother is estranged from her mother due to resentment on how she was treated as a child, one of my brothers is also estranged from our dad because of the same reason, and my parents do not speak and never will due to the fact they dispise one another and have made it abundantly clear infront of me that they hate each other, so to put things in perspective this is a family that dose not resolve issues with one another, they shut doors on one another and choose to severe contact rather then cooperate.

This is of course well within their right and it could very well be that the only whey they deal with these issues is the only way they know how.

I'm now going to try an clearly explain exactly what it is about my parents that is slowly pushing me to want to either become estranged from them, OR! explain to them exactly how I feel so they can understand my perspective and perhaps even manage to receive an apology, because a simply apology and knowing that they acknowledge their faults and failings is enough closure for me that I can learn to forgive and live with.

my mum left and divorced my dad when I was 12.

forcing him to move out of his home; a home which he sunk his entire inheritance into was then forced to move in with my aunt, this is one thing do not forgive my mother for, forcing my father out of his own home when he was the more fanatically stable of the two and just assuming she had the automatically given right to  me and my two younger brothers.

now you may ask what should she have done in that situation then? and what I beleive she should have done is because she was the instigator of the breakup and the one who is to put it bluntly breaking the family apart, I believe she should have allowed my dad to atleast stay within the house until matters were cleared and the next steps of the divorce could be taken, if it were me I would have if nessesery moved out myself because the situation itself would have been on my hands and I should be prepared to face the consequences of leaving a partner, not just assuming that they should leave instead of I. 

the next reason for resentment is on both my parents, on how they would speak to each other during the early days of the breakup and the fact they did it infont of there 12, 9 and 8 year old sons.

screaming and shouting at each other to the point I feared they would attack one another, seeing my parents who I had always seen as the couple who raised me and cooperated to give me a future turn on each other in a way children should not see, the only reaction I can remember I had was it made me cry.

For years after my parents had divorced one another they would say things about one another to me and my brothers, my dad would tell us that our mum is a bitch and my my mum would tell us our dad is a bastard.

I had no idea how I was meant to deal with this as a teenager, the two people who raised me now hated each other and I was stuck in the middle passing messages onto each other, I felt like someone who was the product of two people who monumentally screwed up! two people who should never have been together and rushed into a marriage when they were too young and naive and ounce it became apparent they messed up the children of this relationship had to deal with their mess. 

Years after the breakup ounce it seemed as though the dust had settled and I felt I was starting to adjust to the new change in life my mum found a boyfriend.

And before I go any further I need to make it clear that my mums then boyfriend now husband has always treated me well and I was always happy for my mum finding new love, but subtle things that were said to me during this time stuck with me that to this day I cait believe my mum said, putting words in my mouth and trying to get me to say that her new boyfriend was now like a father to me and was more of a father than my actual father.

The reason I hold resentment to this being said to me was because as if it wasn't bad enough that my dad had now been partially removed from my upbringing, she now felt the need to get me to say that her new boyfriend was better than him and had replaced him. 

Dont get me wrong, my mum should have found a new partner and I was happy for her, but I do not believe a mother should ever say to her child that because a new man was in the house that this means their own father should be forgotten about, I don't believe my mum realised how important a father can be to their children, and that she believed that because she birthed us that she had more rights to us than our dad.

This reason I believe this is because I distinctly remember my mum saying to me "her son" that a mother is more important to a child than the father, basically saying that I can never amount to the mother of a future child I may have because of my gender. 

As I said the reason I am reaching out to you all is to hopefully receive some clarity on how I should go about this resentment, if it is something I should bring up with my parents and face them on or if I'm just dealing with this in a childish manner.

As a said these are things that I believe we're out of order for adults of their age, and yet I myself who is considerably younger now than they were believes were wrong, and I am angered that it is their own child; someone who they raised from birth and tought who may potentially have to point out their own childing and irrational past behaviour.

I know this is quite a mouthful to take in and I do apologise, I may very well just be overreacting to simple aspects of life, but if so please tell me, and if not please tell me how I should go about this, thank you.