I am so glad to have found this forum. Five years ago my sister became angry at my mother and violently attacked her. She stopped speaking to my parents and I was in the middle. My sister and I had a minor disagreement, over something very petty, and she cut me out. Six months later I tried to reconcile, she told me she wasn't ready and it had to be on her terms. I was baffled because it was a very minor thing. Three years later, my parents started showing up at her sons' baseball games, and she eventually let them back in her life. So my dad started asking me to try with her again. I didn't want to..I had already tried and she wasn't willing to reconcile. I did not have the slightest idea why. We had some arguments as kids, and a few as adults but we always got over it. (One time she punched me in the head and broke her engagement ring...I got over it). My dad begged me to call her up on Christmas Eve and invite her over, but I wasn't ready...I wanted to enjoy my holiday and had no idea how she would act. So I finally agreed to reach out to her last week...for the benefit of our children (I have 3, she has 2) and my aging parents who are really hurting over this. I found her on Facebook, sent her a private message asking how everyone was, and telling her that we loved and missed them. She replied...it was short and to the point. I followed up asking if my daughter could see her cousins. She did not reply for a week, then denied my friend request and blocked me from finding her on FB. My parents are devastated. For the past 5 years, she has been sending my kids birthday and christmas cards with money, and I have done the same for her kids. At this point I feel it is very hypocritical to send cards, gifts and money to kids that don't even know me; and it is not acceptable for her to send cards to my kids stating that she "loves them". How can youn love someone if you will not correspond with them or see them? So my son's 16th birthday is coming up...I expect her to send a card with some cash, claiming she loves him. She hasn't seen him since he was 11. He has grown 9 inches, has become a man, is in high school (doing great, in the gifted program, passing AP tests), and about to get his driver's license. My daughter is beautiful, sweet and loving. She has missed all of it. Needless to say, growing up our family was dysfunctional. My parents did not show much love, just put a lot of pressure on us. We were 'show pieces'. I rebelled and started counseling at age 19, while she continued to try to please them. I have battled health problems...cancer, autoimmune disease, and my oldest has a significant disability. I was the victim of medical malpractice and won a legal settlement...and it was after the case settled that she made snide comments about our financial status, then refused to speak to me again. Really, she had no clue...I had to quit my job to care for my special needs son when he was 3 and lost my career. No complaints, I love my son and seeing him grow and progress has been so rewarding. He will do great things in life, and his godmother won't know. We are by no means rich, and she has a lovely home, a good job, a husband. So...this has been long-winded, but I am wondering...is it cruel for me to send back any birthday cards that the 'loving aunt' tries to send? This estrangement has really hurt me, my children, and I'm sure it has hurt her kids as well. I have a wonderful husband who gets along with everyone, has encouraged me to not be angry all this time, give her the benefit of the doubt. Well today he told me, to send the f**king birthday cards back, unopened. I almost fell over because he is usually such a peace-keeper, always looking for the good in people. The good thing is....my pain is so much lessened because it is very clear - crystal clear - that she is unreasonable and stuck in her anger and hatred. I appreciate any suggestions or insignt to this situation. Thank you for listening.
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