Is there anyone here that has ZERO contact with anyone in their family (everyone) too? i would love to hear from you.

I think what happens is people in our society are conditioned to have contact with their families and that conditioning is hard to break. I do have 2 family members that are absolutely no contact- mom and my sister. Mom because of abuse and sister is turning into same as mom- narcissist. Also no contact with 1 uncle- sides with mom without any consideration she is wrong (co-narcissist). I do have contact with my other uncle and aunt and their children. They have not invalidated what I went through but they did not know how bad it was. They do support me and are concerned. Probably helps that they too are estranged from my mom. Their eldest daughter and me are best of friends- she remembers some of the things I went through and validated what I remember.

Welcome alemap to this group! I read your post and understand why you have chosen to cut off completely. For some its a process to do as you did. They have to prepare or get ready to be cut off completely with other members as well and that can be very scary.

Estrangement can be for a few months or for years. Everyone has there own take. I do want to acknowledge the fact that most families don't care of how abusive parents were or relatives. They would rather steer clear of remembering the abuse as it is painful for them to admit their faults.

You have had the courage to walk away as I from certain family members who do not care to make amends or develop a healthy relationship. They don't want to do the work it takes to change.

What I ask of you now, is how your life is going? How do you deal with the Holidays without the entire family and do you feel you have come to a place of freedom, loving yourself, more self-confidence, versus, continuing the same cycle of abuse that existed.

EFF

I have not sepnd any holidays with anyone seens i'm 15 years old I mean not one person.

Well my family never cared about me so again for me it was easier since they shunn me and i did not hear about them for 24 yaers and then recently they only called to tell me of a suicide in the last 3 years.

Well it is depressing but i can not say "i just can't live with it" life for me has been about enduring.I'm not happy about it but i'm also not destroyed by it.

But i honestly could NOT sit there with them in the Hoilidays even if they wanted me to knowing what they did to me and how they are.I just can NOT imagine doing that, just can't.

Alemap, Totally understand.

Do you do any community help during the Holidays? I use to go to the homeless shelter. I moved 1700 miles away from my family for about 15 years. I made my own family with friends and helping the community.

I havent had contact with my youngest brother in 10 years, and my sister in 3. Over the years, I have tried to stay in contact with him, but when there is a narcissist wife involved, it easier to call it quits, then deal with her. They knows how to reach me, but have choosen not to. Now that I have moved back to the state and area that I was raised in, and where my family lives, I'm questioning,..."WHY" would I want to be back here??? Being the youngest of 6 kids, and our parents died when I was 20,.....I have found that having "choosen family" is much easier to deal with. They love me, for me.
I was 15 when our mother got sick with cancer. All of my siblings were grown adults, with lives, and families of thier own.....so who got to take care of mom?.....ME!!! I was just a kid, while I watched her weither away to nothing in ther 4 years she was fighting cancer. Then when she died,...it was my fault!!!! I was quick to move out of CA after thier deaths. I spent the next 16 years, raising my family, tring to come to terms with what happened, and except this dysfuctional family that I was born into. Now that I am back, I realized, why I left in the first place.
I resently tried to talk to my oldest brother about my feelings, and all he could do was put me down, and tell my what my father oppinion was of me. My parents were divorced when I was 5, I barely remember him, so it made me laugh, that my brother would try to hurt me, with something so stupid. When he realized, that wasnt hurting me, he decided to tell give me his oppinion of my handicapped daughter(servere CP). Thats is where I draw the line. I dont care who you are,...if your going to put down a servirely disabled person, you have NO place in my life.....and I'm okay with it. I love my hubby, and children, and thats the important part.

Hi Gemini,
Thank you for sharing your story. sometimes we can have people in our hearts and not our lives. Sounds like some of the family members are bullies and especially to come against a disabled person, much more than a bully.

Some people have no idea how to be sensitive to others. I'm Glad that you made a decision to care for your hubby and your kids. They are the ones that will carry your heart to the future.

Keep us updated on any changes or just to vent.

Hugs,
EFF

hi Alemap,
What estrangement means to me is not having any contact with the one who has abused you. I have a brother, whom I used to be closed to when I was a little girl. I did not have any sisters but this brother was fun. He would do things because it was fun but get teased later by his "friends". The things I'm talking about is painting his fingernails and etc. Lol But since he had been adult, and have a family of his own, he is not that same person. He keep talking negative stuff about me. I love my family a lot but I'm hurt because of their behavior.