Sometimes it seems like we really drew the short straw in life. I hope you actually get some good news about SOMETHING. good luck with your sisters baby shower, i can imagine how hard that is.

Oh my sweet, sweet girl. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers even though I have been out of touch. I know how horrible it is when well-meaning people say things like "it will happen." They just do not know what to say when "I'm sorry you are going through this" would be so much more meaningful. Lean on your husband and let him lean on you. Take care of each other, for you have both experienced loss and heartbreak. Your bravery astounds me. If you can't go to the shower, you can't. It's okay. If you do go, be kind to yourself and plan something lovely for after the shower - a nice dinner or a movie with hubby. Please hang in there, it WILL get better, one way or another. My heart is with you.

It is very aggravating to have those people who are determined to look at the unrealistic positive. I have alot of those, the most famous is the "whatever is meant to be will be" "it will happen, just have faith". Sometimes we just need someone to look at us and say I'm sorry, that sucks! Don't give me solutions thats what we have doctors for, don't try to make me cheerful thats what I have to do for myself. Just be there and let me mourn and recover!! I am very sorry for what you are going through, it seems like one hit after another. I really do hope that things at least take a turn for the not as a bad and that the shower isn't as bad as it might be. Personally I despise them, every time I have to go it feels like I'm being punched in the gut and told that I'm not good enough to have this for myself!!!

Thank you ladies, I could not agree with you more. I feel that people are not ready to let go of the idea of us having children. They have no idea the effect that has on me. I will even tell people.... for my own sanity I have to say it will never happen.

I guess Im just scared, my husband loves me so much but I feel like he should leave me and be with someone who can give him a child. He gets mad when I say things of this nature but I cant help but feel that way. I hate that I have took this chance away from him.

Thank you again for all your kind words, its just been a real mess around here.

XoXo

I was told by a doctor at Yale that MOST women with ENdo that get pregnant are (dont quote me) 70% more likely to have ectopic pregnancies because our uteru's contract all the time regardless if we are having our periods or not.

I have a guy friend where his wife couldnt get pregnant until they removed her fallopian tubes because naturally, with IUI and IVF her uterus kept contracting and throwing her eggs into her fallopian tubes...

SO as long as your eggs, your hunnies sperm and your uterus in working condition you can get prego....it took her a couple tries but now she has 2 health twins...1 boy and 1 girl....

Dont give up honey....try to stay positive and healthy minded...xoxo..

This is terrible news... All of our stories are so similar yet so different. I have never been able to concieve, my husband refuses invitro and we are now separated for many issues but the infertility is the main one. I wish I had explored my invitro options years ago. I kept the faith and tried everything else to help get prego thinking it would happen even with the endo... It can happen for some people, that is for sure, but it was not in the cards for me. My advice would be to go for a consult for Invitro. It is expensive, but I tell you, I would have done it in a heart beat. The $$$ it takes would be equivilant to a car payment (on a really nice car). Worth it? Oh yeah, I think so!

Good luck to you, I know it is excruciating.
Love and Light~ Nat

I cant tell you how much it means to me to have all of you! I am trying to get use to the idea of never having kids. Like I have said before, I just feel very useless and I feel that my husband deserves to be with someone who can give him a child. He always gets mad when I say that. :( Cant really help how I feel.

As far as in-vitro goes, our insurance doesnt cover it, it would end up costing us 18,000 and its only a 10% chance due to the amount of scaring I had in my first surgery.

I have to try and stay positive, I just want to get my sisters baby shower over with and I think Ill be all right.

I cant thank you all enough for helping me out, its good to know that you all know what I am going through. Much Love to all you ladies.

Praying you all have pain free day ahead of you!

HUGS

Ashley Nicole

I've had a very sucky year. I lost my 6 week old to SIDS a year ago this Sunday. A few days after that, my dad had a heart attack. A week after that, my husband lost his mother to cancer. When he was unable to attend the funeral (he's from England and was still in shock from our son's death and couldn't get on the plane) we suffered through an onslaught of hateful e-mails and texts from his father, telling us that we had killed our child and asking my husband to pay him $15,000 for not living up to his expectations as a son. (We have no idea where that figure came from.) A month later my mom had a stroke and right after that both of my 4 year old's dogs were poisoned. My husband lost his fulltime job due to depression and I got pregnant again and spent most of the pregnancy int he hospital from complications. At 32 weeks our landlord decided HE wanted to live in our house and we had to scramble to find a new place to live, taking us away from the only stable environment we had. Although my daughter (5 weeks old now) was born seemingly healthy we have now discovered that she has a very, very rare disorder that can cause brain damage, stroke, and death. We spent last week in the hospital with her. We think our other son might have had it as well and that it was the disorder that killed him and not SIDS. (The disorder causes seizures and strokes.)

So...when people tell me to be positive or that things will be "okay" I want to punch them. I think I have earned the right to complain, to feel sad, and to generally bitch when I get the urge. Sometimes, well-meaning people make me want to scream. In fact, i want to write a book about all of the stupid things that people have said to me since losing my son. ("At least he was just a baby so you didn't have the chance to get too close to him...")

Still, I was told for years that I couldn't conceive. In fact, when I first got pregnant, after 6 years of trying, and the doctor told my husband that the pregnancy test was positive his response was, "Whose?" I have since had two more children and one miscarriage. We don't know why I was unable to get pregnant for all of those years and then suddenly conceived 4 times in 3 years, but it happened. So it can. And I hope it does for you ladies as well. But you're right, it DOES suck. And sometimes that's all you can really say.