i wish you are here so i can give you the biggest hug ever, and let you cry on my shoulder. I'm so sorry about your mum!! The other heartaches, i understand you so so much! Especially having to see others celebrating their mother's day or watching a huge bump infront of you on your birthday!! Re your feelings about your sister, that is normal. My sister has an amazing boy of 3, and i felt all those same feelings. Today he's my little sunshine!! I can babysit him whenever i like and instead of receiving a gift for me for mother's day, i bought a small gift for him to give to his mummy.
Try put it this way. You have a husband who i'm sure loves you. There are millions out there who are celebrating mother's day, but missing the love of the ones that they love. I've become a professional trying to put on brave faces beleive me, and nowadays, i 'celebrate' with others whatever they want to, and the real celebration, i share it with the man that i love, who is living same heartaches as me!! So on the 10th of May, have a celebration with your husband, even a romantic dinner at home and some candle lights all tru your home, and same on his birthday, make something special just for him. Hope you have an amazing birthday my dear. xxx

So sorry Ashley ... I hope that you can find some strength during this really hard and challening time -

I am sorry to hear that....I think you should let your friends and family know how you feel about the worst day of your life/ the year. You and you're hubbys bday shouldn't make you wanna cry:(. In fact your story makes me wanna cry (might just be hormonal tho;) lol)....It is hard for woman like us to always be strong, but being strong doesn't always mean putting on your brave face on and hiding your feelings from everyone, especially the ones who love you. Sharing your hurt and vunerablity can be hard but you'll find it can be very rewarding....they will understand...and they want you to be happy, with or without children. Being a great Auntie can help with filling that void and don't give up!! I tried for 4 years while I was on fertilty treatments and nothing....I gave up and bamm a year later (by accident) I was prego with a extremly complicated pregnancy. At the time I didn't know that I had endo...but knew something was wrong with me. Regardless...what I am trying to say is that you've got to find a way to be happy with the gifts you have been given and not allowing the things that are missing hurt you too much. My daughter is 9 now and even tho I can't give her a sibiling....I'm extremly grateful to call her mine. Even if I can't get out of bed everyday and take care of her....

Hey Ashley,
how was your celebration day? Hope you had a good day after all. Wishing you a very happy birthday for tomorrow xxx

That sucks!! Next year can you or your husband be sick that day to avoid that gathering? Maybe it would force everyone to celebrate your b-day another day. Not that I advocate lying or anything, but yeah that sounds like a crappy way to celebrate. Mother's day is hard enough with IF, but also especially without having your mom. I feel bad for you. Do you have the type of family that would understand if you told them how you feel?

Thanks everyone for your replies, I hate complaining about stuff like this. But with my birthday, my moms 10 year death anniversary, mothers day, my IF and my sister being pregnant... it just got to me a bit. I handled mothers day as best as I could, I cried quite a bit. I am spending tomorrow with just me and my husband so I dont have to hear about how big my sisters stomach is getting or baby shower stuff on my birthday. I have my husband and my best friend to talk to... and of course you amazing women! My dad felt really bad for me when I found out about my sister and he knew this week was going to be rough on me.

I was extremely close to my mother. She was sick for 10 years and I was her little nurse. She had breast cancer twice, they had to remove her chest wall, then it went to her femur bone and then to her liver where it shut everything down. When she got sick my family dealt with it very differently. My sister would spend most of her time with her friends and boyfriend and acted like nothing was wrong with her. My dad worked 3 jobs to avoid seeing her sick. So I was always there going to surgeries, Chemo and helping her change her dressings and cleaning out the tubes coming out of her sides. I miss her very much and apart of me has still not let her go. I wish I could tell my sister and my dad how angry and bitter I am about everything but I dont want them to look down on me for being that way.... I just dont think they will understand fully. :( But thats why I have you ladies! :)

Much love and many hugs
Ashley Nicole

Hey Ashley,

I completely understand what it's like to lose a mom too young. Mother's Day was hard on me too because I lost my mom in October 2007 from cancer as well. And my family dealt with it exactly like yours. My dad worked a lot and "forgot" to come home in the evenings. My sister hung out with her friends. And my brother lived 14 hours away. I dropped out of university and quit my summer job to take care of her - not because no one else would, but because I wanted to. She was my best friend and that last summer together, although incredibly painful to watch her condition deteriorate so rapdily, was one of the best we had. We hung out with a constantly filled teapot and neverending game of Scrabble. These are the kinds of memories I like to focus on on Mother's Day, but yes, it is a hard day. I'm so glad to hear that you have the support of your husband and your best friend. I hope you had a wonderful birthday with them!

I am so sorry, sweetie! You are so very strong and that is why you are being tested. It is so unfair that you have to suffer like this. Take advantage of this group because you never have to put on a brave face with us!

I know this comes a little late, but I'm sorry you had to go through feeling that. I myself am going to the doctor soon to see if I have endo. My husband and I have been trying for 2 years with no luck. Just a few months ago 4 women I knew all had babies and I used to work with 2 women that are pregnant, one just had hers 2 weeks ago. I deeply empathize with what you are going through and I send along my love and strength.