Unfortunately I am cursed with endometriosis! I'm just so frustrated today! So I was going on five days late coming on, accompanied with the usual pain the leading up to my cycle (which was due on the 17th), but no period PN my due date. Childless at 32yrs of age, I couldn't resist the thought that I could actually be pregnant. Especially by day three, I found myself the second day late contemplating buying a EPT. With my hx of endo and my boyfriends dx of low sperm.... I knew it was to real to be true. Yet like many on here, I couldn't help but to be optimistic! However, I was able to resist buying an EPT on day three, but day four and still no sign of bld I ended up at Walgreens in the feminine aisle (of course I told myself to just get more pads) looking at EPT. Talked myself out of purchasing the EPT on day four. Today, day five I continues with my cramping as if I was coming on (hesitating to use the restroom in fear of seeing actual bld) I finally go to the restroom and yep I'm spotting.... FML!! Any who, next came the terrible shoulder pain (leading me to writing this) and needless to say I haven't expelled anymore bld outside of when I wipe. The cramping and all other joys of endo and my cycle has presented itself, yet no bld! I still can't help but wonder could I still be pregnant? I'm just tired of this constant tease! I almost wish I was at ease with the ideal of never having kids so that I could move forward in my life!! I just don't know if I could ever accept this or endo! Fact is, even if I never accept having endo, I have endo or shall I say endo has me! I literally have no drive nowadays! I go to work, then retreat to my home, in my room, in front of my tv!! I'm slowly just giving up on everything that I did work so hard to achieve! I just don't see the point right now! It's like this cruel joke is being played on me repeatedly!! Just trying to find a way to continue to stay positive and get back control of my life, maybe redirect my energy. It's just difficult to do so when I'm reminded monthly of endo! Holidays I dread going around family just to avoid the "when are you and him going to have a baby?" followed by "you guys aren't getting any younger...." I know my family loves me and doesn't mean any harm because they just don't understand. I just don't know how to pretend any longer that I'm okay with endo.... I'm tired of putting on a brave and positive face. I get a lot of reward from my job, however, I can only put so much into work. It seems like everyone around me is moving on.... I'm at the stage in my life where having a family should be happening and is for most. This endo is just all bitter.... Without a touch of sweet! Just needed to vent... I'm in so much pain right now, both mentally and physically!!!