Empty Nests Support Group
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.
Last night I texted my son with a picture of my new car which we had picked up. He replied and I asked him if he had seen his high school football team's score from the night's game. He said no, so I told him what it was. He replied and commented on the high score and I told him of two others. Just for interests sake. Then I told him I was going to get ready for bed, said Goodnight and that I loved him. No reply.
This has happened before -- not exactly the same scenario -- but a few times he would then call me the next day, say he didn't get my text early enough to reply or some reason. Not this time. It just upsets me that I can tell him that I love him and there is no response. My husband defends him to the limit. I just find it difficult to do so. I find it really discouraging that my own flesh and blood can just ignore me and my husband says that it is ok. My son is not good at communicating with us period. I feel like if we didn't contact him we would rarely hear from him. My husband says that is not so but how can he know? It makes me reluctant to even contact my son at all. I tell my husband I just want to be treated with courtesy and be acknowledged as a human being.
Any way, this type of behavior and treatment just makes me doubt my relationship with my son. I almost feel like the years raising him was wasted. When I asked earlier what our son wants from us and my husband's reply was to be treated like an adult. Is asking to be acknowledged and have my contact replied to not treating him like an adult? I don't but him incessantly. Responding to your friends and family should be a responsibility of his in any relationship. Is this unreasonable? My husband makes me feel like I am being unreasonable. He says not all texts require a response. Really?
Anyway, I just find it difficult to have positive feelings about our relationship. Again, my husband says it is the devil that makes me feel this way. Perhaps so. But why can a loving God allow this type of thing to happen? I really struggle with my trust and relationship with God as well because of all of this. I hurt a great deal and do not understand why God would allow me to be hurt.
well, I have rambled a great deal. Good night.
This has happened before -- not exactly the same scenario -- but a few times he would then call me the next day, say he didn't get my text early enough to reply or some reason. Not this time. It just upsets me that I can tell him that I love him and there is no response. My husband defends him to the limit. I just find it difficult to do so. I find it really discouraging that my own flesh and blood can just ignore me and my husband says that it is ok. My son is not good at communicating with us period. I feel like if we didn't contact him we would rarely hear from him. My husband says that is not so but how can he know? It makes me reluctant to even contact my son at all. I tell my husband I just want to be treated with courtesy and be acknowledged as a human being.
Any way, this type of behavior and treatment just makes me doubt my relationship with my son. I almost feel like the years raising him was wasted. When I asked earlier what our son wants from us and my husband's reply was to be treated like an adult. Is asking to be acknowledged and have my contact replied to not treating him like an adult? I don't but him incessantly. Responding to your friends and family should be a responsibility of his in any relationship. Is this unreasonable? My husband makes me feel like I am being unreasonable. He says not all texts require a response. Really?
Anyway, I just find it difficult to have positive feelings about our relationship. Again, my husband says it is the devil that makes me feel this way. Perhaps so. But why can a loving God allow this type of thing to happen? I really struggle with my trust and relationship with God as well because of all of this. I hurt a great deal and do not understand why God would allow me to be hurt.
well, I have rambled a great deal. Good night.
Thanks for your reply. It is just nice to know you are not alone sometimes. Does your research show that this changes with time? It would be so nice to know that there is a rainbow ahead. Although I guess that can depend upon individuals.
The title is- The challenge of mothering an adolescent son.
Mothering an adolescent son can require bridging painful separations.
As well there is a good read about Trial Independence 18-23 year olds
Trial Independence (18 - 23) = Struggling to catch hold
Independence isn't easy: failing to act all grown up
Both help in understanding what is going on but doesn't take away the sting...makes you at least feel that it is less personal.
I see friends and family with daughters and it does seem to be totally different. Thinking this is just how most sons this age are and it may be totally normal. The feeling of being kicked to the curb is very painful however.... hope the info helps.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/200903/trial-independence-18-23-struggling-catch-hold
I hear you! I didn't have a sister growing up and was not close to my mother, I didn't have any daughters as well. I think this might be a common denominator with us here posting-in that we don't have daughters and I think this is a very common problem with mothers of only sons. But this is my own feelings, in that is is probably more difficult when you don't have a daughter to help in this transition of them leaving the nest. My friends that have daughters have closer connections and better communications, well at least some communication!
Really, we all have to get out and make good lives for ourselves. We cannot rely on our kids to be there, especially sons. There is a saying,"A son is a son until he takes a wife, a girl is a daughter for the rest of your life." Or something like that.
I love my son, but he is not a friend. I know I can call him in an emergency, but he doesn't show the same compassion and kindness my daughters show. If you don't have daughters, I think the energy has to be put into friendships, other relatives, volunteer work, etc. Life just doesn't stay the same as when the kids were little. We all remember the birthday parties, the holidays, the vacations, great family dinners. But it all changes. It is hard, but we have to change, too.