lol you hit most of the experiences. I think the hardest thing for me was to figure out who I was after my son left home, and re-invent a new life for myself.

Yes, that is hard. What did you find helped you the most during this time of re-inventing your life? And, how did you go about re-inventing yourself?

God, therapy and getting back doing things that made me happy Way Way back. Hard to find the light of day, when in the dark of isolation surrounds you. Being a single parent old enough to be a grandparent was very isolating...now son is gone, 20 to my 63, I'm back doing senior things and making senior connections.

Hi. Just joined. My youngest daughter (2 girls) just moved away 2 weeks ago. I'm in a black hole. I'm a single mom. Now I'm just a single I guess. This feels so awful! Hole in my heart kind of awful. Both of my girls are amazing people, lovely, mature, going down good paths. Oldest is a senior at a really good college. Youngest is headed towards a life of missions and ministry. But both live more than 2 hours away from me in opposite directions. I am here alone. I'm not super close to my family. I have friends. But that does not make up for the desperately overpowering void of not being hands-on day to day mom anymore. I thought this would be easier than this. I always wanted to be a mom and a wife. The wife thing flew out the window several years ago, so my whole world has centered around being the most excellent mom I could possibly be. Now what? I'm really heart broken. I know I'm not the first to go through this, and that is why I searched for this group. My friends are compassionate. I attend a great church group. I have a business that's growing. And in the midst of that there is this heavy weight just sitting on my chest. The weight of mourning the end of the dream. It was my happy life-long goal and dream and one I did well. Now what? Ugh. I'm in a hole.

yes as MamaMel says, it's the end of a dream - the end of an era. All I ever wanted was a family to love - I got that - but of course the nature of the business is raising them to independence. So you give your heart and soul to the job of being a mom, and you always will be their mom, but you are suddenly redundant in a physical and emotional sense. They don't need you physically any more - and they only need you emotionally when things go wrong for them - which of course breaks your heart as much as it breaks theirs, so we hope things don't go wrong for them, even though it means they'll never need us again!

I think it's the ambivalence of the situation which is hardest to deal with. They need us, but they don't NEED us. We have to be there for them, waiting in the wings to catch them if they fall - but they don't want us to be THERE in their lives any more. We're glad they're happy and independent, but we're also heartbroken at losing them. Ambivalence is very confusing - the conflict never ends, and we just have to find a way to deal with it without going crazy.

If you give your all to motherhood, it's a very hard time when kids grow up and leave you, and it never ends - because I will never be a mother again - end of story! So every day I have to deal with not being a hands-on mom - not having anyone to care for physically or advise/comfort etc. I was looking forward to 'freedom' when my son was growing up, and I often complained about his needs, so I am even more full of regret now he's gone, because I wish I had appreciated motherhood more than I did at the time. As Joni Mitchell put it 'You don't know what you've got till it's gone' and this is so true I've found since my son left home. But you can't turn back the clock - you can only move forward, so that's what we have to do! Finding the energy to reinvent yourself when you feel sad and empty is very hard, as is taking an interest in hobbies etc. but we just have to plod on and take it a day at a time - I don't think I'll ever 'get over it' so much as learn to deal with the loss.

Mamamel, I feel for you and know that with time it will ease some of your pain. It is important for you to take good care of yourself right now. Be kind, gentle and know that you will find your way in the right time. I know because I work with many empty nesters and it takes some time. When you are ready you will start discovering yourself, your deeper self, again. This will be a time when you start enjoying life again. It takes time, patience, going through the grief process and a willingness to at some point start focusing on you again. When you do that and surround yourself in a supportive environment it can really help. You are not alone even if you feel that way. I just want you to know that. The good things in your life are not over, you are entering a new chapter and with some effort, you can make this a new beginning filled with positive things.

"I know because I work with many empty nesters and it takes some time." HUMMM