I am sorry you are feeling this way. You sound like a wonderful giving and loving mother. I can imagine it is very hard adjusting to a child leaving the home. I have a few more years before I have to face this. Maybe it would help to think about the positive things that comes with a child leaving the home. For me I can imagine complete quietness and peace. No loud music or friends over. Being able to enjoy a book without interruptions and watching the television shows that I enjoy. I can imagine peaceful sleeps and decorating the house the way I want. I think we as mothers sacrifice so many things for our children. So when they leave the home it is our time to enjoy the things we like. Its our time to discover new hobbies and explore life in a way that we couldn't before. Maybe those types of thoughts will help the sense of loss fade away. (hugs)

May God comfort you!
kdgsupermom

I can relate.I'm going thu such a roller-coaster of emotions lately.I've been a mom for 28 years and my youngest is graduating from high school this month.actually in 2 weeks and will be 18 this summer.so he's my last one,the baby is grown up.
Its really starting to sink in just how old they all are and how old I am.how much time has gone by....

Hello there Moms (and dads, tho i haven't seen any dads yet from my reading, so my apologies if I missed you!). OK, first and foremost, WOW... it's so calming for me to read all of your posts and not feel like I am alone and a total nut-job. Seriously... I've been seriously wondering if I'm losing my mind with all of this life change, loss, constant grief, lack of vision/purpose and a tangible feeling of hopelessness. Secondly, thank you to all who have posted. While I'm betting most of us don't have the magic answer for relief, just reading your comments has lightened my load. Gosh. What's a mom to do???? I'm the mom of 3 sons (LOVED raising boys... loved it!) Oldest is a junior in college 3 hours away with a very serious girlfriend (who he met day one in college - his first ever girlfriend and they say they will marry as soon as they finish undergrad). Middle son is 18 and leaving this August for college (3.5 hours away) and youngest is a sophomore in high school... very grateful to have 3 more years with him. And yet... AND YET... it's a bit like when a kid finds out there is no Santa Claus. Allow me to explain! The emotionally destroyed child puts 2 and 2 together, thinks the next thought, and realizes there is no Easter Bunny nor Tooth Fairy, either. So it appears all hope is lost with the discovery of this epic loss - and to add insult to injury, said child has to now suck it up and pretend everything is fine, because of younger siblings who still believe in Santa. Does that make sense? Once our oldest left for college, and basically got married in his mind/heart at the same time, I was devastated with two such enormous life changes and loss... and then I realized, "OH NO!! Now I know what's coming with the other two... GOD HELP ME!!!!" It's enormously difficult for me to stay present and fully enjoy who remains in the house, because I know the grief/pain that is coming. I am very short on long-suffering. VERY short on long-suffering. Not a fan of heart-wrenching pain AT ALL. To the point where I actually think, "Why did I have these children if only to be left with 3 gaping holes in my heart untiI meet my Maker?" Terrible of me to think such a thought, right!? I LOVE being a mom... love, love, love it... AND YET, at the ripe old menopausal age of 52, I am asking myself this question more often than not. Nothing is fun anymore. Nothing seems important anymore. Depression and sadness abound. I'm starting my 3rd year of the Emptying Nest process and I seem to be on worse ground. When will these dark skies part and when will I have true meaning again? BUT - I do have one positive tip that I can pass on to sad/grieving parents. And honest to goodness, it has helped me TREMENDOUSLY with letting go of the first son. TIP: Letter writing and balloon release. I wrote a very long letter to my first born (and this is NOT a letter he will ever see. Prior to him leaving for college, I wrote him a letter that I read to him. THIS letter was just for Mama and her profound grief). I was very frank in my letter with all the wonderful things I love about him, what I will miss, my fears as he eventually marries and being left out as the "mother of the son", my disappointments in him, my apologies to him for my short comings... the whole enchilada. Then I grabbed a dozen balloons and my husband, and we went to the site of our son's first t-ball practice when he was 4 years old. I read the letter out loud to my hubby (and scripture is SPOT ON when it says, "There is power of life and death in the tongue" (Prov. 18:21), we both cried, then we ripped up the letter in tiny pieces and let the balloons go. We stood there until we couldn't see them in the sky any longer. Phew. Let me just say, that exercise took some serious guts as I'm not one to express a lot of emotional vulnerability, even with my husband. I did the balloon ceremony early January and I had almost immediate relief. Visiting him/having him home (with girlfriend nearby) is so much easier as a result. I HIGHLY recommend this activity and I won't wait nearly as long to do the same balloon ceremony when #2 leaves this August. Would love to hear from others any tips you have tried, or are considering trying, to help us navigate this valley of change and overwhelming loss and grief. We must rally together, moms/dads, and trust that we're going to be OK... different... but OK... and we must look around for examples of happy couples/single parents who have empty nests and are living productive lives. Thanks again for letting me share. And thanks for your own sharing... reading your comments has helped more than you can know.

I've tried to think of a solution to this for myself but nothing is the same as having your children at home. I thought about hosting a foreign student or getting a room-mate, but it's just not the same. And, of course, the more we want to have time with our kids, the needier we seem and the more they are repelled. At least that's true around here.

What has worked for me is to try to find things I like to do - things I've wanted to do for years and years but never got to. I'm doing art and music classes, taking a foreign language and reading the books on my bookshelf.

I also really needed friends so I joined a Mah Jong group as well as an empty nest support group and book club.

It seems like a lot but I really need things in place for when my son leaves. If nothing else, it gives me things to look forward to each week.

I've also asked friends to please call me to get together for tea, coffee, movies and so on and they've been so gracious about calling to check on me and helping me get out of the house.

I don't need to talk about how sad I am, but I do need to get together with friends.

Volunteering is helping too. It gives me a way to feel needed.

I know I need out of the house and activities. But I still have one at home It is so hard to leave him to go do these things. I know my time with him is ending and what little I have left is so valuable to me. Maybe I will do better when everyone is gone and I feel free to go do my own thing. Plus I do feel like when the oldest left it left me with the horror of knowing how awful it was and waiting for the other two to go. Maybe that is why I can't move on and get over it as so many of my friends in person and on here are doing. I am not done going through the process. How can you get over the pain when you know the doctor is still cutting you open?