Hi xtina16405, glad you found DS. I share your pain, I'm a single parent from conception. My son, now 20 does not live with me. The Loss Is Huge! After focus for 20 yrs and you 14yrs, it is like a death...fuzzy mind...and for me, not knowing who I was and a lost purpose for living. Now a year later, it is still hard, but more manageable. I've enjoyed, after a period of shell shock time, the silence and clean home. I've found new activities, met new people, and really enjoy my hobbies. I've found I really needed to replace the time/activities that were used to take care of my son, to form a good structured weekly/daily routine for myself. In addition, to make the effort to see and talk to people. Remember your son is also going through a tramutic time, there is Scype, where you can see him and talk online. I did this and it was just as helpful for my son as it was for me. We sent 'space hugs'. One of the hardest things was to Not tell him what to do, rather to ask him what he thinks needs to be done. I'd suggest you read some books, I did and they were very helpful about how to relate to your adult child. Best of luck :-) and Hugs. Take care, ML

Hi xtina16405 I'm also a single mom.I have 4 newly adult kids.Well some newer than the others.But they still seem not fully adults? anyways..The youngest is still at home at 19.the next one is away at college .Its his third year and its gotten slightly slightly easier for me? but I miss him terribly.I think because we were so close,it was harder.I usually text him once or twice a day a short line like"good morning have a nice day!" or "how are things going"? He always answers "Im good" "everythings great" very short but polite! I take what I can get lol!!:) It will get easier but texting,or skype (if he will let you !) this one son does not like it anymore but he did his first year.He says its hard for him to experience independence with all the (mommy) contact...Next son 3 rd one.....he moved out on the 1st of sept.That was incredibly hard!!!!! still reeling from that..:( oldest daughter has been moved out for 7 years now,we live close but I dont see her usually more than once a week.If you ever want to talk(message) im here.Try not too isolate too much as depression can set in quickly...Caring thoughts xxx

I have a tough time with a routine. My routine was always based on my sons routine. I know a routine will help me. I just don't know where or how to start. How did you create a routine? What hobbies have you focused on?

I work hard not to isolate myself.

Im struggling with routine as well, as my routine involved my kids routine. Im working which helps during the,week but weekends,are awful, I dont know what to do with myself. I need to make new friends but dont know where to start, feeling very much alone

I miss the hugs too - I know it's a bit crazy but I have dolls now, and soft toys to stroke and talk to - it does help! The best thing though was my son forcing me to get on facebook, which I'd resisted till he left home. He loves the little stickers and funny gifs, and with the pop up messaging box on my facebook page, I message him every single day without fail - I think it's been important for him as well as me, because he knows I will show up there and tell him I love him, send a 'hug' cartoon with cute animals on, etc. Of course he doesn't tell me what he's doing and I don't ask other than 'how are things?' to which his stock reply is 'OK!' - never been one to share much with me but I'm just glad to hear from him! I tell him what I've done today, and he says stock reply of 'yay!' or :O and I'm happy with that - doesn't take much to please me these days! I don't expect an immediate response, but if he doesn't respond after a couple of days I will phone him, and knowing that gives him an incentive to reply promptly - he doesn't want mom calling him when he's in the middle of having fun with friends! So he knows I think of him, but I'm not being clingy, and I'm happy just to get a monosyllabic reply from him - it is some attention from his busy day and I'm grateful for it! So yes - I recommend this approach as it has really improved our relationship so much.

I have gone to extremes and moved house to be near him too - same city as his University is in - which does mean he can call in at least once a week, and he does bring friends round - so long as I don't run out of coke and snacks, he's happy to come round for free wi-fi and TV (and I get to hug him of course - yay!) Usually he only stays 10 minutes or half an hour - hoovers up the snacks and they're off (he never comes alone - that would be too much like the old days for him I think!) He no way wants to be cooked for - he really takes pride in his independence! We don't really talk when he comes round, it's just companionable and we all stare at our screens for the most part, or the TV, but I'm just glad to see him even for a few minutes - sad though that sounds! I am in no way clingy or interfering because he simply won't tolerate it and will avoid me, so I have to restrain myself from asking questions etc - it's definitely different than before he left home, as he sees himself as an adult now! He may well need my help or advice, but he'd never ask unless desperate I'm sure. Usually I talk and talk and talk when he gets here, but really I'm just ignored of course LOL - kids aren't interested in what us 'old folks' do or think - but I don't mind, it's better than nothing, and I did find it impossible to 'get over it' when he left home, although I didn't let him know I spent my days and nights crying my eyes out! When I moved to his city I got a very small place to live - too small for him to ever come back and live with me - so that reassured him I wasn't expecting him to - ever. It was like saying to him I trusted him to manage alone now, so he didn't mind me moving here as it wasn't a threat to him - I have so far never visited him, although he says I can, I don't want to intrude on his new life too much.

Moving house also took my mind off having an empty nest - I was so busy packing and sorting the possessions of 20 years! Then of course I had to settle in my new place - busy busy busy - and I've got a job now too, for the first time in years, so I'm getting my independence back too, which he's very proud of. So yes I ran away from the situation rather than enduring it and hoping I'd feel better one day - I refused to do that, and all I can say is it worked for me, although maybe too drastic for most people. I hope you can work something out that will help you to cope too - meanwhile I really recommend facebook smiley stickers and meaningless chat, as it's not too intrusive, and is even entertaining for our kids, which is good for any relationship!

I also feel the same pain. After divorce I never once thought about entering into
another relationship as all I felt driven to do was to bring up my sons. I have to admit, I did
a fantastic job and don't regret my choice to go it alone.
The problem now is to find something equally amazing to fulfill our lives. I have not found it yet
but know that I have to start looking. I think the first step is to accept that you are sad and a little time of adjustment is needed before making any major changes.

I am a single mom for 30 years now. My 2 daughters have moved out. I live in va. Nika moved to Oregon to study. Kate is on her own in my same town and my son Tim (my youngest) is still in medical school. My divorce was a painful divorce that took 7 years to finalized.
Like you all, I feel very empty very often. I can cry any time. I try to keep myself busy but the feeling of loneliness is still there.

Thank you all for sharing your lives here on this site. I NEVER thought I would suffer from Empty Nest, Always had interests of my own... raised independent kids...but after my twins left for college....I was lost. I didn't know who to take care of (yes I realize it was my turn BUT!!! ) ...I raised kids for 30 years ....to not have that anymore made me so grief struck....I was not prepared.
I appreciate this forum for us all to share. I think it is especially hard on single parents.... We have advocated and fought hard for our kid's to be happy and successful....then that fight is over....and we are left kind of deflated...and sad that the fight is over.

I am so proud of my kids and love the fact they are so independent but I do miss the closeness of my talks and spending time with my last 2....
Makes you rethink how fast it truly goes....and all the woulda...coulda....shoulda's......
I think you just ball your eyes out for as long a you need to cuz it is a process and believe me I am still in it.... God Bless you all for your willingness to share, I imagine our stories help each of out...I know reading some of your stories has already helped me...so THANK YOU

I feel so alone planning the wedding for Nika.. She has moved to Tucson from Oregon for her postdoc and her wedding will be in Boise, Idaho, her future husband’s hometown. I will have to fly over there for her wedding. We will go to try on dresses for her today. I am excited and happy for her but at the same time, alone and sad because as a single mother, with a limited budget, I can only afford so much for my daughter for her wedding. She does not mind but as a mother you feel sad if you cannot do as much as you want to do for your child especially on her wedding day. It has been thirty years. Thank you all for letting me share my deepest feelings.

In case anyone who wants to build up a circle of friends via Facebook send me an email to littlewindingbrook@gmail.com, subject: Single mom; so that we can connect and share with each other or support each other on other aspects of our life such as hobbies,...