Yes. I miss the stages of my children's lives as if they were separate beings from who they are now. I mourn them which is ridiculous as they are still here- yet I mourn the loss of their younger selves.

I feel the same way - silly of me to feel sad because they're still very much here, but still not the same.

I feel as though I am in a constant state of mourning. It just tears me apart that my daughter is away from home and doesn't call me or my X. If I call and leave a message, 90% of the time she doesn't even get them because of her boyfriend.
This Christmas Season has really got me down. Usually I cant weight for Thanksgiving to be over so that I can start decorating the house for christmas and putting up a tree. This year I haven't even started to decorate for the season.
I am stuck in anoather state, not only not being able to see my kid, but I can't see my Grandkids eather. The season just doesn't seem to have any pourpose anymore.

I am sorry y'all are feeling sad, but relieved that I am not alone in this feeling. I sometimes think I have lost my mind and no one bothered to give me that memo. lol

I have been missing all of my kids a lot right now. I dunno?? Maybe it's the holidays or maybe it's just catching up with me that our youngest is now out of the house. We moved to Texas two years ago, but we still had our youngest at home then. Now it's down to just the two of us and while I am enjoying some aspects of being part of a child free home I miss having children and grandchildren in our home.;(

It's so dang quiet. And while I once wished the house would stay clean longer than it took me to put the furniture polish away I miss the noise and near constant activity of before. Even doing laundry can reduce me to tears right now. How silly is that?!

Ugh sorry I forgot to add that I too miss my sons as they once were. All little stair steps and all into something. Our middle sons are now 28-29-30. Our oldest, a daughter is 37 (yikes how did she get that old!!) and our youngest is 18.

I keep seeing them and missing them as toddlers one day and how they were in grade school. Then I'll see a newborn and I am awash in memories of downy soft cheeks and baby powder smells and how they felt in my arms once upon a time. My lap feels empty and so do my arms. And how many times have y'all been in the grocery store and hear a little one call out "Mommy" and turned in the direction of that little voice, expecting to see your own child somehow transported back in time when they will little and still needed you? Dang it now I'm crying again. Sorry folks. I think it's the season.

My heart relates to all of your comments. I have always loved the happy chaos of children in the house. I have only two kids but our house was always the gathering place for them and their friends. With both my kids off to college now, I find myself missing their friends as well.

I don't think it is possible to be "all in" as a parent throughout your kids childhood and to protect yourself from these feelings of loss when raising them is over. I am excited for my kids for what is next in their lives and I want them to be independent and flourish. I think I could handle it better if I did not feel rather invisible to them. I don't need to be needed as much as I want not to feel blown off and to feel more of a connection with them. I know they love me but they are still at a stage where they are proving their independence and everyone else is wiser and more relevant than their parents.

I think part of being a good parent includes finding what is next for me so my kids feel free to go on with their own lives. The truth is nothing has as much substance to it as being a parent, so I have to start with lower expectations in terms of finding meaning in how I spend my time.

Definitely. Since I have a job, I already have something that can trigger plans and goals. But work can't be everything.

I decided, at the start of December, to treat the whole month as a special time for goal-setting for the next 3-5 years. For me, winter is an inner, introspective time (even with holiday madness!) so it's worked well. I've perused books & DVDs from the library, journalled until my hand felt like it would fall off, and even joined a small group of women friends for an afternoon of making collages (vision boards, our hostess calls them) that express what we're hoping to be and do this upcoming year.

It's been incredibly enlightening. I would recommend this "slow-cooker" process of dream work, purpose & goal setting to anyone in a new life situation. Since it lasts a month, you don't have to take time off from work (I can't because Dec. is our busiest month). Just treat your off-hours like a retreat of sorts.

Oh, and a blessed New Year to all of you!

I was blessed with one child......adopted from Korea at 3 months when she came home. We were not able to have biological children for medical reasons and my girl was my LIFE (I am a teacher so I do have a job), but everytime I would come over the hill and not see her little red car at the house, I just felt a hole in my heart. It's been several years now and even though it does get a little better with time......I miss that little red car and her being home....every day. I know she is happy and has not graduated from college.....on her way......
I just miss her so very much......and I waited so long to be a mom. I think those will always be the best years of my life. I am so very grateful I had them....memories will always live in your heart. Life changes and they are always ready for it before we are.

I can so relate to all of these posts! It really is so comforting to know that others feel the same way. I have four children and three (sons) are out and one (daughter) is in college. I feel more and more invisible like one of the posts commented yet I know that they have their own lives now and that is normal. I have no grandchildren yet either and I think that is harder on the empty nest. My friends who have grandkids now don't seem to grieve as deeply in that stage. One thing I did that helps a little and may help someone here is to volunteer with children in church or school settings. It helps a little.
God bless you all as you adjust! It isn't easy, is it?

Oh how I can relate to this. I mourn my children of all stages of life. I don't know how to move on and get though. I work so that helps, but when I come home their presents are everywhere. I cry and cry, I know they have their own lives, but i so miss them. I try to just get though one day at a time, and it does not help its winter and unable to get outside. God bless you all as you try adjust!

hi there all-
my daughter left for college after Christmas and i am having the hardest time adjusting. i cry all the time and miss her so much. i know this is somewhat normal at first, but when will i get used to her being gone? i miss her desperately and want things to be the way they used to be. all i think about it when she was little and all the things we did together. im on prozac now to help with the depression, but i just feel so lonely and sad. i hate it...........

Yes I miss the good , the bad and the sad moments especially as my daughter has now alienated herself from me over the past year. I miss the communication we had . I have four sons that i see often. I so love all five. They are beautiful people in their own right and i will never stop loving any of them since i know how it was not to be loved as a child.

I'm sorry for busting in on this beautiful post but I'm coming from a different perspective (not sure how I even found this post) and I was thinking maybe this is the best place for an answer. My son is 18 and will be going to college in the fall. I find myself looking forward to it because he is so nasty to be around. He is angry ALL of the time and can't even answer a simple question (would you like bacon today?) without RAGE. I don't want to wish away the time but I was wondering if any of you had children like this or were they just nice to be around? Any advice is appreciated and I'm sorry you are all going thru such a sad time.
Sue

Hi, I know the feeling. Both my daughter (as well as step daughter) and son are grown with their own lives now. What fills the void of having an empty nest is having cats. My husband and I have two kitties. We got them pretty young (6 & 9 months) so they'll be around for awhile.