Empty Nests Support Group
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.
Dropped off one of my twin daughters at college this week and my other one goes next week. These two are my youngest of three. I can't stop the tears and feeling of loneliness. My job for the last 15 years allowed me to be at home with them during school breaks and summer vacation. My wife had the long hours at work that had me do what was needed at home.
I took the kids to practices and games before they could drive. Plenty of long road trips for club sports. That's all gone now.
I hate walking in the house and confronted with such quietness. I sob when I look in their rooms. I don't look forward to nightly dinners and staring at the empty chairs. Basically, this sucks.
My son is home now recently completing college. Although, he is usually with the girlfriend who lives in the next state over. It's only a matter of time before he's permanently there.
My wife is coping better than me, she concentrates on her job and daily visits to her mom in a nursing home.
I have no family here, they moved moved to another state many hours away. We never made close friends in the neighborhood and the few friends we have are far away. This is why I joined this group and now writing about my experience. To express how I feel to others sympathetic to this situation.
I occupy my time with walks and working out, but the lonilness is still there. I've read about empty nest syndrome and understand the process many of us go through. Although, I feel like the sadness will not end.
My children were my life, now there is an extreme void. I don't know if time will fill that void. I miss them terribly.
Lonely Dad
I do feel empathy for you... if empathy is the correct word since I myself have entered the same stage as you just have. I am a single father who had the privilege of my daughters living with me full time practically since my divorce 13+ years ago. It was the best... would have been better to have been part of an intact loving family... but I had an abundance of time and love with my kids. I wrote specifics in my journal so I don't need to repeat those in a response to your situation.
I have the same fears... the same sadness... the same doubts... the same wonderful 24/7 sense of purpose in life replaced by a silent void. I can't tell you anything to replace those since I too am looking for those answers myself.
All I can say is that you're not alone and at least maybe right now that's something.
Dads going through this isn't rare.. .and probably less rare since in recent years Dads have taken on more an active role in the nurturing and caregiving of the children in modern times. It's a fact that there are tons of us feeling this things... especially now as colleges get into full gear. It's obvious that most of us aren't going to be here in this group. You can get some more active feedback in the 'Loneliness' group so check that out.
Sorry that you're feeling all of these things too.
Sometimes it takes a bit of time to people to respond to posts.
I think it's really hard when one of your primary roles has been to care
for your kids and then, poof, they're gone.
I don't think that anyone looks forward to this phase of their life. Does
your wife know how sad that you're feeling. Maybe you need to ask
her for some extra support right now to help you through this period.
Hope that things get better with time.
I was someone who could have gone through life childless. Fatherhood wasn't something I was especially found of pursuing. But after a few years of failed pregnancies my wife and I adopted a son from South Korea. Later we also adopted a daughter. Now that I look back, I can't imagine living my life without having the experiences of being a father. The sporting events, the plays, the camping trips, the Christmas', the birthday celebrations, the staying up late when they were sick, the trips to the doctor, the trips to the zoo, etc. I experienced and grew so much as a person by being able to participate in the lives of my two children.
However, as they have grown and become independent, it is extremely lonely not to be able to still share in all of those experiences. It doesn't take much for tears to fall. So from one dad to another, I understand your pain and loneliness.