Empty Nests Support Group
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.
About 4 days ago I sent my son an email about plans for the holidays.. I did this on the advice of a friend who said it would help manage my expectations. I told my son we would love for him to come home tonight for dinner, help us prepare turkeys for smoking tomorrow, and then spend the night. He never said yes, but he never said no. He told me he would be out at 6. he was late and we had to contact him to find that out, he helped with the turkeys and then left. I am so disappointed in the fact he never confirmed his plans and therefore my expectations are not met. He just breaks my heart over and over. My friend tells me I need to confront him and she is probably right. I guess he will always walk over me if I don't but I also fear he will walk away forever if he doesn't like what I say. I just know I am crying and not very thankful, even though I guess I should be thankful for the time he did spend with us. It was just my expectations not being met again even though I tried to keep this from happening. The disappointment too that he wants to be by himself or with two roommates instead of us.
I hoe each of you have a good Thanksgiving.
I hoe each of you have a good Thanksgiving.
Getingstronger
Hi, Whymom. How old is your son, if I may ask? As the kids get older, there are a lot of disappointments. There are certain behaviors that we expect at certain ages, but it is still hard to come to terms with.
2sis7luv
Oh WOW!! That is IT!! Expectations.I had hoped to be close to my sons even in their adult lives and have found out that is NOT the way it is!!! Thus, my feelings are very hurt and I feel like I have lost my sons in a lot of ways. It is the worst heartache I have ever experienced and the sad thing is that I doubt it will ever get better. I take what I can get as far as time with them but it is not anything like I had dreamed. For me, it is a constant striving to accept things as they are and I KNOW I did a good job raising them but it is just how it is now. They have their wives and are focused on them. I feel like an afterthought in their lives. It hurts and I try to keep busy so I don't think about it. Life gets harder as I get older. HUGS to all Moms out there and especially to Moms of grown sons who have no daughters.
Paulinaakk1
Sons are hard. I do push mine for dates, times, etc. I sent my children msgs about the holidays way in advance this year, like 6 weeks. I tried to make it friendly and asked if they wanted the holiday to themselves if they thought they would do one day at the inlaws and one day here, if they wanted to just split Thanksgiving between houses so they had more of the weekend to do other things....My one daughter in law didn't want to choose and suggested a potluck with her family we agreed to it, but it ended up not happening. I did push my kids for answers. Maybe it is wrong but I find it so much easier to deal with things if I have some warning of how it is going to go. Expectations help a lot. In the end though I had no one and nothing to do on Thanksgiving. It was a very very hard day even though I knew it was coming, so expectations don't take care of all the hurt. I did survive it and we had Thanksgiving on Saturday and it was a pretty good day.
whygod
To 2sis7luv - I needed to hear your thoughts today as I am crushed by what is happening w/ my youngest son, who is married, in particular. He has joined a strict religious group that doesn't even celebrate Xmas and Xmas is, or used to be a big event in our family. It is my favorite holiday and now it is ruined this year. To top that, his baby will be born in a few weeks and they are not even going to a hospital but are having a homebirth. I can't imagine what has happened to me and I am reeling with this loss and hurt.
2sis7luv
I am so sorry to hear of your experience, WhyGod. Your situation sounds really hard. That sounds just awful for your son to have joined that group that does not celebrate Christmas. It is hard enough that they become adults and marry but that would be even worse. I hope that you can be with other family for the holidays. I also hope that maybe this is just a short term trial that your son is going through. How old is he? Maybe he is just trying to "find himself" and I HOPE he comes around and BACK to you eventually. I just keep busy to try to not think about my emotional pain. That is the best thing I can do..keep busy. HUGS TO YOU AND ALL MOMS OUT THERE!!!
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