Hi MiMi4 I'm sorry your so sad and missing your kids..:( I'm feeling the same way tonight.Missing my kids terribly.The feelings wont be ignored,I just am miserable some days.Other days are better when I see them or feel connected.That feeling of disconnect is the worse thing for me.Hope you feel better soon.Can you skype with the younger 12 year old? Or text? sometimes a skype call will help me or even to hear their voices for a min. hugs to you xx

Hi...so very hard to get through to the other side of empty nest syndrome! My son left home a year ago in September and I'm still out of whack. I was a single parent, he was my life for 21 years and now I'm connected but not the same way. I agree with Falling Skype/text is the way to go these days with kids...or e-mail. Time helps, and yes the younger years do Fly, despite the days seeming eternal...or at least that is how it was in my case...Best of luck :-)

Thank you falling leaves and mlr0853 for your understanding and kind words. I was able to visit my son tonight. With my daughter, ***crickets***. I have gone through divorce and deaths, but honestly this feels more painful than those losses. I have always wanted to remain close with both of them and have that strong bond in a healthy way. thanks again :-)

glad you were able to see your kids. funny, I think it's about re-inventing a new relationship with your 24 daughter...not so much parent. My son doesn't want me interfering in his life...so I just keep my mouth closed unless he asks for advice or help...even then I tread on thin ice sometimes. We grow them up to become independent, then So Hard to let go of the 'head position', but you've done your job well with !daughter as she is on her own, and son, he will Always Need His Mom, just in a different way...you'll find the connection. Staying positive and supportive, being interested in what he is doing and in his life without being nosey will win his conversations and desire to be with you...No Nagging...create Fun Stuff to do, new memories...let his father get on his case if needed....best!

well, i did stay out of her business until she called me to come get the kids b/c her boyfriend hit her and choked her - that I can't stay out of, sorry. So I guess now that they made up, I'm the "bad guy." i usually never heard from her unless she needed a favor, a ride, something. It would be nice to get a phone call where there wasn't a favor to ask for or a crisis, just 'Hey Mom, how are you doing?' But that doesn't happen. I haven't seen her or my grandkids since the first week of August b/c she won't allow me to see her kids. I hope she grows up and realizes what she's doing is damaging to them, too.

what a tough situation for you to live with! I'm glad you get to spend time with your son still - is there any way you could relocate to be closer to him and his dad, so you could spend more time with him before he's grown up and independent? If not then just cherish the moments and try to look forward to next time, after you've parted - I find parting again difficult as I just don't want my son to leave again!

As for your daughter well that is a really hard situation for you - she and your grandkids are at risk from her partner, and you are powerless to help them. I can't imagine how awful that must feel. You just have to hope and pray they'll be OK, and try and get on with your life I guess. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this xxx

It definitely is a difficult time. I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

Yes, this has started to even affect my health. I'm trying to cope as best as I can, but I'm grieving like someone has died. Thanks Edana and Psylo for your kind words. My daughter seems to enjoy the fact that she's hurting me.

I'm so sorry to read of your daughters selfish behavior denying you visitation with your grand kids. My concern is for her and her children's safety. If you are concerned about the kids. and want to see them. could you go to their school? If you did this and saw Any signs of abuse you could call dcf, your daughter would Not Know Who Reported Her!. Also, talk to the principal and tell her/him to watch for bruises or emotional changes. As a grand parent you have legal rights to see your grandkids, perhaps you could go down that avenue. If he hits the kids, they are helpless, next it could be your daughter if that isn't already happening. Would your son be willing to get kids and take them out somewhere and you could see them? She would have to know....best!

Well, that is one reason she is angry at me - because she was assaulted by him and when she wouldn't file a police report, I decided to tell someone who is a counselor, and it was mandated that either she or me would ave to file a report, so I did. Somehow my daughter found out it was me (I was only doing it to protect her and the kids - and to have the b/f monitored, not to have my grandkids removed from the home). It is going on 3 months now since I've seen the little ones and I miss my daughter, too, but all communication has failed to get her to talk to me. I feel the b/f is controlling her behavior and decisions. I know grandparents have rights, but I have done some research on filing a motion with the court and there are no guarantees that would solve it. Plus, I know that would make her even angrier, and if she is angry, she is stubborn and it will be even longer until I see them all. I feel like a neglected mother, if that makes sense. Where is the sweet, precious daughter I used to know? It is very sad and heart-breaking.

MiMi4 this is such a terrible situation for you I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Grandparents do not have any right of access sadly, http://www.thefamilylawco.co.uk/information/what-are-grandparents-rights/

Feeling powerless to help your loved ones is the worst feeling in the world, and since you are actually powerless in this situation, it's important to take good care of yourself, since there's nothing you can do for your daughter or grandchildren until she comes to you. All I can advise is look after yourself - because they will need you one day, so you need to ensure that you're still in good health, and still able to help them. I have no experience of depression meds as I've always just 'weathered the storm' when I've been depressed - I'm a bit scared of meds, but you may get on OK with them. I 'self-medicated' with alcohol for years till it nearly killed me, so I don't want to go down that route again - it just causes more problems long term. However when all you can think of is getting through the day, it's best not to contemplate 'long term' - just do what you have to do to keep your spirits up and distract yourself pleasantly, to keep your mind in one piece, till bedtime, which if I'm having a bad day is unfashionably early - Thankfully I can just say a prayer at bedtime, hand it all over to God, and detach myself from everything and 'switch off' so sleep is an escape for me.

Really though you just have no choice but wait, be patient, and hope for the best. It took me 8 years to see my abusive husband for what he was, and 2 more to detach myself from him to the stage where I was sure he wouldn't murder me and my son if we left him. Abuse is all about control, and if you leave, they lose control and the only way they can get it back is through threatening or killing you. So I spent 2 years waiting and encouraging him to think that us leaving was HIS idea, until he couldn't wait for me to leave so he could start his new life as a bachelor! It was the only way - you can't rush a situation like this or it ends in bloodshed. My husband was never abusive towards our son, just me - he dotes on the boy even now. After nearly 20 years apart, he still hasn't let go of me though! I have had to stay single all this time, and be careful not to arouse his jealousy, since I wanted child maintenance, and I wanted him to have a good relationship with his son. The one time I tried to make a new life for myself, he turned my son against me - I'm not sure if I ever managed to repair the damage that did, so I lived a very quiet life at home after that. If I did anything, my son would tell his dad, and they'd both gang up against me if his dad didn't approve.

A few weeks ago I finally plucked up courage to ask my ex for the divorce settlement I'd been too afraid to ask for when I left him, and he then confessed to never having moved on or let go of me emotionally (yes he's still single of course). Yikes. He knew the money would enable me to become independent from him, so he resisted, but after an angry scene (I had to mention legal rights and court) he gave me the money.

So as you can see, it's a very VERY long process waiting for a man like this to let go control - he still controls our son with money, showering gifts on him in return for company - he sees our son more than I do, although I live a lot closer to him, because what child will turn down unlimited pocket money and a taxi service? These men are BAD NEWS but we fall for them anyway. So your daughter will eventually realise her mistake, and there is no rushing the escape process if you want it to avoid bloodshed. Patience is needed - and you may feel desperate as you are so powerless. So I can only sympathise with you.

Your daughter is lucky to have a mother who cares though. I left my husband when my son was a tiny baby, went to my mothers and she called him and told him to come fetch me. When I divorced him a couple of years later, my family disowned me as they don't approve of divorce. Only now are they messaging me again, and I've not seen them for 20 years or spoken on the phone.

Unfortunately you may find you have to harden your heart to survive this situation though - you need to think about something else, and wait for years, so you need to distract yourself and occupy your mind somehow. I still haven't found anything other than shopping addiction - window shopping for the most part, since I don't have much money. I waste hours looking at online shops and daydreaming, just to get me through till bedtime again! Ideally go to real shops for the exercise and social contact, but that still leaves the long, lonely evenings - which are a good time to do the chores since cleaning and decorating the house etc does give you a feeling of some control over something, so it makes you feel a little better. Then mercifully it's bedtime again and you've survived another day. Plod on! Soldier on! Motherhood has to be the hardest thing in the world to deal with I think - the love you have to give and the sacrifices you have to make, and in the end just lose control of our kids forever, and more often than not lose them too. I told myself last night it's character building - my only comfort! People encourage me to get a pet instead and I guess this is why people get dogs and cats, but I don't want the additional chores and worry so I'm resisting that logical solution - you may find it suits you though, and rescues are bursting with animals needing our love, so do consider it if you don't already have pets. Best wishes xxx

PS - I should add that I never let my ex in my house all these years unless my son was sick - if he picked my son up, he waited in the car or on the doorstep - and I didn't ask for the divorce settlement in person but on the phone - I would not risk anything other than mild conversation face to face with a man like this.

Wow, your situation was intense. Thank you for your advice. Yes, I do have 3 pets already. My worst thought is that my baby granddaughter (she's 1 year old) is gonna be much older before I see her again. I've already missed 3 months of her growing up, probably starting to try to talk, and it breaks my heart. Anyway, thanks for your responses. I wish you joy and peace.