Oh, Ali .. it's hard enough to watch 1 of our children leave the nest, but it's doubly difficult when they're twins. I'm so sorry you feel lost and hurt. Sometimes in our kids' quest for independence - that space where they no longer have to listen to Mom & Dad, they tend to say things that hurt our feelings because we want them to want things the way they used to be, like WE do.

Think of how it must have felt to be your mother. It does get easier, I can tell you that. Manageable even. I remember just 2 months ago when my "baby" left home to go to college. I wanted him to want his Mother every weekend! It didn't happen. So I would go visit him every couple of weeks and take some necessities for him and his roommate. Anything that would remind him of home. He loved it. I didn't pry, but I did ask how he liked college (he loves it) and how classes were going. I'd take him and his older brother out to lunch at a place my youngest picked out on campus .. and it was delicious and beautiful. I realized that he does miss his mother .. the way an 18yo boy would .. by sharing those things in his life NOW, not when he lived at home. He doesn't share everything with me, but I'm happy for every moment we spend together, no matter what we're doing.

I, too, felt no purpose in life aside from being a mom. I, too, felt as though I couldn't remember who I was before children. I still cry every once in a while because I miss those days and my life as it was then. I'll ALWAYS be a mother .. and you will too .. but you won't ever be a mommy to them again. Your role will change and at first you won't welcome it, but soon you'll realize that YOU had a hand in their independence, their stability, the person they are .. and you'll smile knowing you did the best you could. ; )

I won't tell you it's easy, because at first it's like a knife in the heart. I literally felt physical pain in my chest and a deep sense of dread. Over time, I've found things to occupy my time .. like Wine & Canvas with friends from work or my sisters. I spend more time visiting family members and going to yard sales and having my own! I realize I don't need 100 dishes and cups and plates anymore. lol

You'll find things to smile about again. Believe me. It takes a little while of feeling like someone kicked you in the stomach, but eventually, you'll heal. Hang in there, darlin' .. we've all been where you are and hung on until "this too shall pass".

It is a very difficult adjustment and the only thing that helps is time.
I wish you all the best.

Hi Ali,

My daughter has been gone 6 years now. She lives in Michigan and I live in Arizona. I only see her twice a year at best. It was so hard in the beginning I had to be medicated, but now I am getting used to it. I do call her often and she doesn't answer me but occasionally. I haven't gotten over doing that, but at least I can take a deep breath and be okay when she leaves after a visit. My son is here in town but doesn't visit that often. I call him too, and he doesn't answer.
I guess what we are supposed to do is to find all these friends and activities so we are too busy for them like they are for us. But I haven't done that yet. I do have a dog. I bought a puppy last October and treat him like a son.
I wish you all the best.

Sally

I can relate, Ali! My fourth (and last) started college last year and I had been a stay at home mom for a long time so my identity was wrapped up in being, "Mom". It's an adjustment for sure, but give it time and give yourself lots of grace when the tears come. There's always grieving with change and loss.
One of the things that is helping me is that I just (in Sept.) became a mentor to a 2nd grader and I do things once a week with her. It keeps me busy as well as helps her. Just an idea. Give it some time. It's still very fresh for you so it'll take awhile to know what direction you want to put your energies.
Hang in there! You're not alone!

thank you all for your advice. some days are alot easier than others. im still very sad trying not to go through the woulda shouldve couldves and just be thankful they are intelligent beautiful young men that are attending amazing schools. i try not to panic and worry all day. they are so very introverted i am scared for them.

sometimes our children are very different than what we imagine them to be. I thought one of my sons were introverted until I met people he became friends with that I didn't know and they described him and told stories about things that was very opposite of what I thought he was like....