Empty Nests Support Group
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.
I saw an old high school friend last week; she is dying of cancer. After I left her I started feeling so guilty about the empty nest feelings I have. I still get to see my daughter, I will get to see her grow up and get married, and maybe even have grandkids. My friend will not.
This visit should have made me see things more honestly and appreciate what I have. It did for a few days but I have gone back to my depression and hating every second of being away from my daughter. Although it's summer she has a boyfriend now (whom we have met and liked) and she is spending more time with him in their college town, only 30 minutes away.
The first time she was gone for 5 days and it was so painful. He has done a few things that make me question their relationship. He has gotten angry at her, overly angry for the situation. We had many long discussions and I wasn't going to let her go back, but relented with stipulations that she text me morning and evening just to let me know she is ok. We've talked a bit but still my heart aches to not carry on long conversations with her. It sounds like things are going well.
I told her not only do I miss her but now I worry about her safety. This is not a happy place to be. She'll be home tomorrow and I won't push but will try to get a clear pic on how things are going between them. She's an adult now but as an only child, far from being independent. She's very smart but not street smart and a little gullible.
This makes me dread her 2nd year of college this fall, as she will be seeing him more and I will see her much less. She was coming home every weekend but I feel she will stay there more. I really think I need some therapy over this, as it's starting to affect my life. And don't even get me started over the weight I have gained this past year, lol.
This visit should have made me see things more honestly and appreciate what I have. It did for a few days but I have gone back to my depression and hating every second of being away from my daughter. Although it's summer she has a boyfriend now (whom we have met and liked) and she is spending more time with him in their college town, only 30 minutes away.
The first time she was gone for 5 days and it was so painful. He has done a few things that make me question their relationship. He has gotten angry at her, overly angry for the situation. We had many long discussions and I wasn't going to let her go back, but relented with stipulations that she text me morning and evening just to let me know she is ok. We've talked a bit but still my heart aches to not carry on long conversations with her. It sounds like things are going well.
I told her not only do I miss her but now I worry about her safety. This is not a happy place to be. She'll be home tomorrow and I won't push but will try to get a clear pic on how things are going between them. She's an adult now but as an only child, far from being independent. She's very smart but not street smart and a little gullible.
This makes me dread her 2nd year of college this fall, as she will be seeing him more and I will see her much less. She was coming home every weekend but I feel she will stay there more. I really think I need some therapy over this, as it's starting to affect my life. And don't even get me started over the weight I have gained this past year, lol.
I'm finding that if I can find things I truly enjoy to keep me busy, tell my kids I am here for them for whatever they need and bite my tongue when I want to provide unsolicited advice it's a good recipe to keep our relationship on track.
Years ago, a therapist told me to read the book "Who Moved My Cheese" and it made such a huge impression on me. It's about two little mice who live in the wall and enjoy a block of cheese together. When the cheese is gone, one mouse says, "Well, that was good. Off I go to find more cheese" - and she has all these wonderful adventures and meets all sorts of people and finds all sorts of different cheeses to try. The second mouse sits and laments, "Who moved my cheese??? My cheese is gone. I hate this. I can't believe my cheese is all gone. I should have appreciated it more. I should have enjoyed it more. I should have savored it, rationed it better..." and so on.
Essentially, it's a book about how to manage change. I am definitely the second mouse but I've been trying to become more like the first one.