I can relate to your feelings and I think it all boils down to expectations. I had dreamed of being close to my sons in their adult lives but am finding that they are focused on their lives now. It hurts SO bad. I already am dreading the holidays. I feel like I lost my family. So, I understand your heartache. It is the worst emotional pain I have ever felt. I am trying to "let go" and just focus on things I want to do. I am hoping as my sons get older, they will think more about the value of FAMILY. For now, I suffer each and every day. Trying to get past it. So hard. So sorry for your heartache. I understand. HUGS!

I am having a very bad day. I have been pretty stable for about 3 weeks and am bottoming out again. I want my children to call or text or msg or something. Contact of any sort. I always wanted to talk to my mom after I moved out. I wrote to her every week and called once a month as that was all we could afford. Once we got internet and cell phones I called weekly and emailed daily. I thought I was close to my kids and don't understand their lack of desire to tell me about their lives. I miss them so much some days I just don't want to get out of bed and they just don't seem to know I exist. Tears last night, more this morning. And I am sure more to come before I climb back out of this black hole again.

I am down this morning. My son is currently working in my office and first thing I heard him bragging about the size of their TV/projected display. Just made me sick -- like everything we had at home just wasn't good enough. I was already down before hearing that from him b/c I have a job evaluation today and feel like I am no longer needed here in my job. Things are changing greatly and alot of the things I do are being moved elsewhere so I don't now what my "fate" is. I guess I can be encouraged somewhat in that I didn't choose the date of my evaluation b/c sometimes you get bad news -- "you are fired" or "your are no longer needed" -- on Fridays. Just a lack of self-worth today I guess. I prayed this morning for just something unexpected from my son this weekend -- drop by our house or just some texts during the university football game. Some acknowledgement that we exists. My husband thinks I am crazy and while supportive some days, non-supportive on others. He was not supportive last night. I guess I need to not get my expectations up b/c there will probably be nothing. I have tears in my eyes as I type this. Just don't know how much longer I can go on with what seems like rejection.

I have been feeling very low too. I keep thinking about this house being empty in a year or two. I keep thinking that most of my friends have spouses. I'm not supposed to be in this house alone. It's always been me and my kids. And now the weather is turning cold....I don't feel like myself and it's not fun. Hugs to all.

I am new here, but by reading these posts I definitely do not feel as alone as I did a half hour ago or so.... I miss my kids so much I don't know what to do! They are in four different time zones, and the one who lives nearest (2 hours away) is now pursuing a move to a state further away. Our friends are all amazed at how well our kids are doing, living in fantastic locations and doing really neat things with their lives, etc. In fact, many people say they are envious of our abilities to 'launch' our kids so well. Well....I agree with all of this and am proud of them..they are wonderful! .but there is this gaping hole in my life now that I can't pretend isn't there anymore. I miss them so much, and although we talk often and try to visit, they are busy with their lives, and I just don't seem to matter very much to them. I feel more like kind of an 'obligation' to them than anything else. I have tried to fill the time with activities, work, prayer time, etc....but am still so lonesome for them.

quietme:
this place is good for not feeling alone any more. Your observation about feeling like you are an obligation comes into my heart and mind some times. When my son spends time with us I sometimes feel he is bored. I will mention that to my husband and he says that isn't true, that our son wouldnt stay if that were the case. But I wonder if he feels obligated an only stays for that reason. I guess there is no way to know what is in their hearts. with my son he shows very little emotion, but he never has. So I cannot tell whether things are from his heart or from obligation. I guess I just need to hope and accept that it is from his heart. If only there were some true way to know -- what I desire is to be acknowledged as a person in addition to being his mother, to be shown true emotion and care (not just comments made b/c they seem like the right thing to do), and to have concrete attempts at reaching out to us/me made. Perhaps it shouldn't be this way, but sometimes the old saying "actions speak louder than words" applies. I pray for my son to become a person that God is pleased with and that he will be a man of God. I trust that if he meets God's expections and desires for his life, then he would meet mine.

Rough day here. My daughter, the last one at home, sometimes lashes out and it hurts terribly. The rest of the time she's so loving and needs me....and I give to her and I also give her her space. I know she's caught between adulthood and childhood (she's 20) but she always takes out any sadness or frustration on me. Today it was just too much and I burst into tears. I am exhausted by life these days. Sure could use a holiday with someone fun and loving. I miss my two boys so much. My daughter has gone off to hang out with friends, leaving me home alone to feel the emotional wreckage of a bad afternoon.

Also having a rough time. I ache with all who have posted on this discussion. Wish I could turn off emotions. I have two sonsone is married and often busy with the fun of his new familythe family of his wife. We are not included. The other son lives an hour away and is busy with his life. I get a call once a week but feel like it is because he has to, not because he wants to. I hurt SO bad in my heart. Wish I could go back in time. This heartache is almost more than I can take. On the verge of tears all day. The family I once cherished is history. Also hurts that my sons do not have much contact with each other. With the holidays ahead, I am full of dread. I used to love the holidays but now I despise them! The dreams of having a loving, close family are gone. HUGS TO ALL MOMS WHO SUFFER THIS HEARTACHE!!

To 2sis7luv: Your story sounds so much like mine. I have 3 sons, 2 married, and they don't keep in touch with each other. I feel for my middle son especially and as he has special needs I feel I need to think of him before myself. I know everyone says to find your own life once your kids leave home but it is so hard. All the dreams and plans you had seem down the tube, esp. at Christmas. I, too, want to rewind the clock and have them home again. I wish I could have seen into the future so I would have cherished them all the more!

I am sorry you have the heartache I suffer from, WhyGod. At times it is unbearable. The expectations of days gone by are just distant memories and I feel like I lost my family. So hard to have joy. Not sure if I will ever feel joy again. The close family I had as they were growing up is gone. They have their own lives now. If I had known this was going to happen way back, I would have chose to not have kids. The heartache is unlike any pain I have ever felt. It feels like a slow death. I try to keep busy but to get through the days. I am thankful for a lot of wonderful woman friends I have. I am still struggling to "let go" (whatever that means) as how does a Mom let go of the two most precious people in her life? My boys were everything to me and I had such a wonderful time as they grew up. I don't think I will ever be able to look at their baby photos or home movies as I would die of dehydration from the tears that would fall. Sigh. So goes life and life goes on. Wish I wasn't so emotional.