My youngest child moved out last July and my "after kids life" hasn't been what I thought it would be at all. I am single so there was no one else to fill the gap. I have four kids and I talk to 2 of them daily on the phone; the other 2 at least weekly. It's not enough. It's a constant reminder that my 4 grandchildren also live far away from me. I always dreamed of playing with my grandbabies once my kids grew up and that isn't happening. I understand the pain of missing them, but also not knowing how I fit into the world anymore. I always knew that I would one day have to remember who I was just as a person, not a mother. I didn't realize that that person had changed, so I had to completely reinvent myself! I am not there yet at all. I am really struggling with depression, and instead of feeling free, I feel trapped. I have no good answer for your question, I only know that you aren't alone! I guess we just have to force ourselves out into the world and try things until we find some things that make us happy and whole???? How is your husband coping? Can you two help each other?

My youngest son, also just graduated from high school, and my daughter just got married. I have one more son who is home from college for 3 months. In the fall, all my children will be moved out. I've been trying to prepare my self for this change, but at times feel panicky about not seeing them everyday. My daughter is a pastors wife, so I expect within the next year, they may be moving out of state as he takes on a new church possibly far away. While I'm excited for my kids, it truly is lonely at home without them. I've recently had a lot of serious health issues, so really I'm just glad to still be around for these coming days. Everything in life at this stage, has been a huge adjustment, I'm only 50 years old, but my health makes me feel much older. I'm pretty much retired now, and not really by choice. I have found some things that help. I'm involved in my local church and find ways to serve others there which fills in some time & helps me pass along encouragement to others. I also joined a knitting group that meets weekly and have found a group of women there that make me laugh every week. I also have a dog, a mini-golden retriever, that I take long walks with everyday, she needs the exercise & so do I, and I find getting out doors helps me feel better than sitting at home & dwelling on my health problems & my loneliness. It may seem silly, but pets have always helped me throughout my life feel less alone. I know how hard it can be to force yourself to do things you don't really feel like doing, & making new friends can be challenging at any age, but I have found looking for ways to share myself with others helps them and soon I feel better and know that I was of some help and usefulness to someone else. I keep a more positive attitude because of my faith and all the reading I do that I our into my life to keep my focus on being a blessing to others even if I can't be that blessing to my kids right now. I don't have any close living family except one sister who I only see once or twice a year. My husband still works & owns a business which keeps him really busy, I have a lot of time on my hands, often too much. The things I really want to do, many of them I can't do because of my health, so I have to keep changing my interests and working with what I can still do. I hope that you are able to look for the resources and people that may help you move away from what is missing from your life right now. I'm sure we will go on missing our kids, but a shift to caring for ourselves and discovering ways to care for others might help us find we are not as lonely over time as we feel right now. I certainly feel a little lost right now, but I don't intend to stay this way. I hope things improve for you too.

To Lonley....

Hi, after reading your post I just had to reply. I just found this group since I've been searching for some kind of support. I was hoping to find something in my area where moms that are empty nesters could meet in person but so far I haven't.
I really, really feel your pain. I have one son that got married last April. I had a very difficult time getting pregnant so when I finally did, I was beyond ecstatic. He has been what my life revolved around although I made sure to never be a "helicopter mom." I always believed in holding on loosely. He lived at home through college and after graduating he met a wonderful girl that I really like. They didn't move far at all, just a few miles away but I really don't see them much. It seems their marriage is very one sided.... all her family about 75% of the time which is very hurtful. I went from having a house full of his friends (he played ice hockey all through his life so we traveled a lot and had many friends stay here) to now, just my husband and my little adopted dogs. Your words,

"I feel miserable. I am sick at my stomach and I want to cry all of the time. I have always enjoyed being a mom. It is my favorite thing in life. I can't stand not seeing my children or talking to them everyday. I am trying to have my own life. I am married and have a career but it is not enough. I have some friends and aquaintances that I see periodically but nothing brings me the joy that I get from being a mother. I am scared of being lonely, of getting old, of having no purpose, of being a burden to my children, and of never being happy again. I am depressed and filled with anxiety. I hate being alone and would love to live in a place where I am constantly surrounded by friends and family"

mirror exactly what I've been saying for the past year. I'd be glad to talk to you on the phone if you'd like just on here. I'm still searching for help in person. I am very, very lonely as well. :(

How does one reinvent themselves? I hear that a lot. As a mom- my daughter has been my motivation and my world revolved around her. And now- I just don't know. I don't have hobbies, don't really have friends. My family is a few states away. I just feel so empty.