It is ingrained in us to be happy about weight loss. I would've felt the same way. The ED is how we cope with life and it's a self destructive way to cope. I wish I could recover yesterday but I keep being told it takes time. Sucks!! Sometimes I wonder if that voice will always be at the back of my mind. There is hope. Recovery is possible!! I know everyone on this site is here for you! We have to support each other!

I know this sounds simplistic (as EDs are very complex and there is no *one* answer to solve them) but stop weighing yourself. Plain and simple. The scale is EVIL......lol:))) In all seriousness, I go through my happiest and most confident days when I DO NOT WEIGH MYSELF. I have gone literally a month at a time without weighing myself and magically, my ED behaviours decrease. Danita is right - our ED minds are programmed to be elated no matter how low that number is and to chastise ourselves if it is "too high". It's such BULLSHIT.
Gad, I wish they would outlaw scales except at hospitals and doctor's offices!!! ;))))
Be gentle with yourself.......
HUGS
Jen

you are both so right and thanks for the support. I have wondered for many years, decades actually and I am better then I was but ED still lurks. I used to weigh myself at the gym 4 times while there this was when I was at my peak of the disorder. I do not have a scale, it is only when I go to my sisters, I will have to try and not do it there that would be a big step. I wish you both a good journey to recovery, we can do this1 hugss

Please do something before your weight falls even more. I suspect that the weight loss may have something to do with the stress you suffer over your mother. The situation with her is indeed difficult but it can also be long term. You need to be able to eat while your mothers condition is going on. It might help to get professional help for your parents but I understand that they might not want that right now. Be selfish and allow yourself good nourishing food.

As Forestfreek said, I would echo that in order to move past this phase of the ED and to stop going further down, there is only ONE way I know of to do so, and that is to stop all weighing.

Of course this WILL definitely cause you anxiety and stress (initially) but after a while, as you learn to "sit with" these feelings, you will become aware of "the what" which lies behind them, i.e. what it really is that triggers you and drives you to compulsively turn to ED behaviours time and time again, even when you know it ultimately will be self-destructive etc.

ED behaviours are closely connected to self-loathing/shame, and a need to "act out" self-punishment, so I'd look closely at your self-beliefs and self-talk about your worth and value as a person. You are SO much more than what the lies of your ED say you are! You deserve love and compassion and kindness, not punishment Ann. Take care, Kim x

I agree with everyone and that is what is so frustrating, do I not have the strength to overcome and do what I know to do? the stressors with my mother and work are definetly huge part but I think my self critizism and not loving myself is even worse. I need to get to the root, I know some of what it is but I guess I haven't ever dealt with it properly. are there any workbooks out there to help me write out things?

There are a lot of self-help workbooks out there about various issues. Not sure what your's are, so don't know what to recommend. I think you may be able to find something that would work for you by going to bookstores or online, type in what issue you want to deal w/ and see what you can find there. For example ED itself, Mom found and loaned me a book about dealing w/ ED and self-worth. I'll try to remember to look for it when I visit Mom in a couple days, to see who the author is. Hope this helps.