Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Someone please, if you can see a link, connection, reason what ever you want to call it for the way I'm feeling now, please enlighten me.
So it was the family meal tonight. Been feeling pretty good all weekend and tonight. The meal went great and it was really nice. The atmosphere was nothing like I imagined and it was a really good night.
I helped my Brother clean up and then went up to my room to decide what I was going to do for the rest of the evening. I came up at about 9 o'clock I think. Turned my laptop on, was going to play a game. Decided I'd just check on a couple of websites before I started incase I had any messages to reply to.
Then it started, just like it always seems to. I suddenly had this though "I've given Mum a really nice Mother's Day, now I could do it. (kill myself) I wouldn't have to worry, Mum would be happy now" and that was it. Depression hits me again. Start thinking about tomorrow, weigh day at Day Patients. I think, well that will be the trigger to start restricting again. I can restrict like I did last year. Everything about recovery just goes out the window and I want to self harm. Why does this keep happening!? Why can't I just STAY happy! Was I really happy in the first place? Or was it just cause subconciously I knew I wanted to make Mum happy this weekend. I don't know what I want, what I should do or who I am anymore.
So it was the family meal tonight. Been feeling pretty good all weekend and tonight. The meal went great and it was really nice. The atmosphere was nothing like I imagined and it was a really good night.
I helped my Brother clean up and then went up to my room to decide what I was going to do for the rest of the evening. I came up at about 9 o'clock I think. Turned my laptop on, was going to play a game. Decided I'd just check on a couple of websites before I started incase I had any messages to reply to.
Then it started, just like it always seems to. I suddenly had this though "I've given Mum a really nice Mother's Day, now I could do it. (kill myself) I wouldn't have to worry, Mum would be happy now" and that was it. Depression hits me again. Start thinking about tomorrow, weigh day at Day Patients. I think, well that will be the trigger to start restricting again. I can restrict like I did last year. Everything about recovery just goes out the window and I want to self harm. Why does this keep happening!? Why can't I just STAY happy! Was I really happy in the first place? Or was it just cause subconciously I knew I wanted to make Mum happy this weekend. I don't know what I want, what I should do or who I am anymore.
Have you discussed it in group? or with your counselor? Maybe start journaling the actions that happen that lead ti this.
I truly believe you had an honest good day.... so its important to discover what led you here...
good luck !
I don't know, but maybe you won't feel all alone knowing others out here deal with these problems?
I started dealing with major depression at age 15 or possibly earlier, but we did not know anything about it back then. I had anxiety, but it worsened at age 22. My anorexia comes & goes without warning.
So, I had a wonderful kindhearted doctor for a few years who figured me out & put me on the proper meds. I did well for a few years. Unfortunately, he had to retire in 2005.
But, I can tell you that there are meds & there is help for our type of multiple disorders. And, you will gain strength to deal with the mood swings as time goes by. Time does heal.
Hang in there. Message if you need to talk.
Much love!
Betsy