Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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xBlissx 11/13/2008

Earlier on during the break between after Lunch and afternoon snack at Day Patients, I went out for a walk. I knew exactly where I wanted to go....and exactly WHY I wanted to go there. I walked down to one of the bridges that lead over the Thames. I've been getting images/thoughts about throwing myself off it (although not actually intending to) for the last few weeks and I just wanted to go down there.

Was I wrong to do it? Was it risky even though I felt in control at the time? Has anyone had a similar experience?

It just felt...I don't know, like my heart was all fluttery and I was getting kind of jittery but it felt good in a way? It's happened before when I've had images of me jumping infront of a train or car and then have to cross a road or stand on a platform. The difference is I actually went 'looking' for it today.

x-Bliss-x

deleted_user 11/13/2008

gosh I dont know. Ive never experienced anything like that....

I think since you are in treatment you should discuss it with your doctors...

they would know better what are good and bad signs in this behavior...

I wish you well.

deleted_user 11/13/2008

Sounds like you are stepping into suicidal territory and you need to tell your therapist. If you actually have it all planned out you are in serious danger and maybe have to be placed on suicide watch. Things will get better, babe. Don't act on those dark thoughts, look for hope.

deleted_user 11/13/2008

I think you should talk to your therapist or doctor about how you are feeling. When I used to take the subway all the time I used to have these urges whenever I was standing close the the yellow line that you are supposed to be behind....I used to feel like throwing myself onto the tracks. I don't understand it...cuz it wasn't that I thought about suicide...it was just this urge I would get. Sorry I don't have the answer. Just wanted to let you know I have felt similar. I hope you talk to someone about you. *hugs*

xBlissx 11/13/2008

But I wouldn't say I have a plan exactly... I don't know. Is knowing that I would do 3 different things to kill myself if I wanted to a plan?
I'd feel pretty stupid talking to my therapist when I feel so calm about it all?

x-Bliss-x

deleted_user 11/13/2008

I think when you are calm is the best time to speak to your therapist actually! Both becuse you can explain well, and also if you are being very calm about it, it might mean it is more dangerous than if you were upset about it if that makes sense? Like a numbness that mght lead to you actually doing it....I think also we forget what is and isn't 'normal' so i know i have said before ' well i mean i think about kiling myself, but like i know i would neve actually do it' like so that's ok but you realise, actually most people don't even think about it actually! Thinking of you and stay safe.

deleted_user 11/13/2008

well let me ask you this..... if I had posted this what advise would you give me?

I dont think you have to be in low down bottom of the barrel suicidal thoughts to share... right?

deleted_user 11/13/2008

i think your getting your emotions mixed up. a lot of eating disorder people do.
like being full, hungry, ect.

deleted_user 11/15/2008

Wow I have absolutely no idea, but Karin seems to recognize something so I'd take her advice and at least talk it out with a pro. Please keep us posted also. That's a little scary to read and never hear back, you know? Big hug.

xBlissx 11/15/2008

Sorry, just read the last message. I didn't want to worry anyone. I'm doing OK. I had a chat with my therapist on Friday although I didn't tell him what I did he is aware of my safety risk and I know if it gets worse I can talk to him.

Thank you for everyone's responses. I guess I just feel a bit dissociated from it now. It doesn't really feel like I did that. The point is at the moment I feel safe so that's the main thing.

x-Bliss-x

KayBeth 11/15/2008

Maybe you needed to face it and prove to yourself that in reality you didn't want to do it. But I think everyone's right it'd be a good idea to talk it thru. x

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